I Am Woman, I'm a Wordsmith

Words, Wit and Wisdom for Today's Style and Decision Makers

Pack Your Bags July 3, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 6:53 pm

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I belong to a group of women who love to travel. I’m not talking Florida beaches or New York City. I’m talking world travel. Just in the past year, members have visited China, India, Machu Pichu, Croatia, and all points in between. These ladies are serious travelers and they are adventure travelers. I was invited to join the group by my friend who travels constantly. Seriously. Just reading her posts wears me out yet I am still envious of her energy, her endless joy, and her “carpe diem” attitude.

“No one puts ‘websites I want to visit’ on their bucket list.”

 

I love to travel and explore new places and have many places on my bucket list. I also love, love, love road trips and am down to drive just about anywhere. Summertime is often the time we check off destinations on our wish lists and check into hotels. It’s when most families take a vacation, something recent studies reveal are not only good for making memories but also for improving your health.

 

A Nielsen study suggests that Americans who take regular vacations are happier, healthier, and more satisfied with their jobs and relationships than those who don’t, and The Framingham Heart Study determined that men at risk for cardiovascular disease and who don’t take vacations are 30 percent more likely to suffer heart attacks than those who do take time off. Wow. Who knew?

 

XXXVacations

 

Think about though. As you lie on a beach or gaze at a purple mountain majesty, don’t you breathe easier and just feel good? Yes I know air travel is one big hassle and I know many of you travel for business so doing so for leisure is the last thing you want to do, but maybe you should think about your health and your loved ones. I know money doesn’t grow on trees and that not everyone can afford to travel, but this life isn’t a dress rehearsal people, it’s our only shot. Grab it and go. Book it. Go there. Just do it.

 

“Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

Gustave Flaubert

 

I agree and think that escaping your comfort zone and “bubble” makes you both humble and grateful. Irreplaceable memories are made when you travel with friends and family. Some good and some not so good, but memories nonetheless. A family I know travels across the country every summer visiting national parks, state capitals, and various stadiums and their pictures speak a thousand words. They may not stay at the plushest hotels or eat at five star restaurants, but the memories their two kids will cherish for a lifetime are worth more than anything money can buy. As the ad says, priceless.

 

Xtravel

 

I miss our family vacations and I’m not alone.  A “Redbook” magazine survey revealed that the number one thing women are envious of is more vacation time! In fact, women desire vacations more than high-end cars and designer clothing….combined!

 

I remember my family driving up to Denver for summer vacations. We’d stay at a place called The Continental Denver and nothing was finer than the hotel swimming pool. Nothing fancy, nothing special. Only special memories. Now I’m an empty nester with a husband who does not want to travel, so what’s a woman to do? Join a travel group and take a fabulous girls’ trip once a year, that’s what!

 

I’m still blessed though and very grateful for the places I have traveled to. Just in the last year I’ve visited Rome, Capri, and Panama, thanks to Kristen studying abroad in Spain and her Spring Break lining up with mine for the first time this year. But, such fabulous trips are a rarity for me and sadly I’m not so lucky this summer as I’m not going anywhere. I will instead live through my memories and the wonderful time we shared.

 

Sea Swings

How fun does this look?!

 

It’s also about reducing stress, which any physician will tell you is a must. That same doctor will tell you that stress causes your body to release hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which make your blood pressure rise and wreak havoc on your heart. Stress is also a common cause of anxiety and depression.

 

Hotels are on board, with many chains now providing amenities to business travelers to help them relax and disconnect. Westin started it all by partnering with meditation guru Andy Puddicombe and now many of their competitors are doing the same.  Things like meditation videos, relaxing music, and yoga sessions are becoming more and more common, with even La Quintas offering soothing music on their televisions.

 

Travel

 

There are so many places I’d like to visit. At the top of my list are probably Bermuda and an Alaskan cruise. I also long to see Jackson Hole and The Grand Tetons. I’d love to stay at the Biltmore and walk around Ashville, North Carolina. I’ve yet to see the Pacific Northwest or Newport, Rhode Island. I’ve been many places in Europe but one place I haven’t and that I’d love to see is Ireland. Who knows if I’ll ever get to any of them, but a girl can dream, right? This girl better win the lottery too!

 

How about you? Where are you off to on your next vacation and where is your dream destination?

 

Happy travels everyone!

 

 

 

Tuesday Tip: Express Don’t Expect June 30, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 3:58 pm

Express not expect

 

Get Over Yourself! June 28, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 2:37 pm

You can do admirable things but you will never be the faultless person you think you are until you learn to forget yourself. In fact, despite all the good things you think you’ve done, you may still be a selfish, self-centered person and have a heart filled with fear, pride, or a desire for power.

 

That’s the theme of a book Samantha Ponder recently called “life changing” on an Instagram post.  Her name may not ring a bell with many of you so let me introduce her: she’s a celebrated and respected reporter for ESPN and she’s married to Oakland Raider Matt Ponder. The book, however, has nothing to do with football. It has to do with pride, egos, competitiveness, and being focused on yourself. I had no idea what the book was about and was curious when I saw her post so I bought it.

 

Personally, I was surprised and impressed that Ponder, a talented, successful, and beautiful TV personality, is determined she is not going to become another arrogant and flawed public figure and she is not going to let her fans’ adulation feed her ego in harmful ways. Hash tag Ponder gets it.  And before you think, “Oh that’s not me. I’m not famous and I’m not self-centered or proud,” read on. You may be surprised.

 

Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness book

The book, called “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness” by Timothy Keller, is a mere 44 pages long but packs a true eye-opening punch. In a way, it compares Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians to our lives as we live them today and in doing so inspires us to become people who don’t lust for recognition, don’t focus on “hitting self-esteem home-runs,” and don’t daydream about successes that give us an edge over others. Do your best to be successful but not at the expense of others or just to be impressive. Don’t “just do it,” do it for the right reasons.

 

Keller says it all begins with pride, ego, and humility. The three are not mutually exclusive. When someone does something good or noble, they shouldn’t feel like they have “checked their box” and are done, as if to say “you shouldn’t expect anything more from me.” According to Keller and to Paul, we are never done and should always keep fighting the fight and making the effort. We should never become complacent and so proud of our accomplishments that we consider ourselves too good and too accomplished to see our many other faults and areas that need attention or improvement.

 

The Price of Pride

Keller says that the source of most divisions is pride and boasting. Pride destroys the ability to have any real pleasures because we are never truly satisfied.  We are not proud of being successful, smart, or good-looking, we are only proud of being more of all those than the next person. Plus, when we are proud of something we’ve done, it often prevents us from working just as hard on something else. We are a “one and done” society that is often too quick to pat ourselves on the back.

 

Proud man

 

In his chapter on pride in “Mere Christianity, author C.S. Lewis said virtually the same thing years ago, writing that if you were to meet a truly humble person, you wouldn’t say to yourself, “wow, he’s a really humble guy” because the person wouldn’t talk about himself or his humble state.  If he did, Lewis says, that person would not be humble but very self-obsessed.  Instead, what we get from a truly humble person is how much they seem totally interested in us.

 

Lewis also writes that pride is by nature competitive and that “pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person.  If everyone became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about.”

 

Humility is what Paul says we should instead strive for and Lewis agrees, saying, “The essence of humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.” Get over yourself, your accomplishments, your wealth, your status, your anything. This is where Paul says an examination of self-esteem comes in.

 

Until the 20th century, most cultures believed too high a view of yourself was the root of most evil. Oddly, today we often think the opposite and believe people misbehave because of a lack of self-esteem. This is starting to change though, as generations of narcissistic kids (and adults!) are making us look twice at just how confident we need to be and should be.

 

 

self-confidence

 

This hits home for me as I was adamant about raising Kristen with lots of self-esteem, something I didn’t have growing up. To this day our mantra is “Believe in yourself” and I’m proud (happy?!) that she’s got it. I’ve also always loved the photo above and any depiction of it as it says, “I can do and be anything.” I’ve learned however that, as with anything, too much of a good thing is not always a good thing and that humility goes a long way.

 

It’s been a long-held belief that a confident person will be more successful and vice versa, but a few years ago psychologist Lauren Slater found that there is no evidence that low self-esteem is a big problem in society and agreed with other studies that “people with high self-esteem pose a greater threat to those around them than people with low self-esteem.”  Ouch.

 

 

ego

Leggo Your Ego

Keller notes that Paul urges us to have no more pride in one person over another, which brings in something even more powerful than even self-esteem:  ego.  “He’s got such a huge ego” is not usually said in a flattering way and yet we all basically work on creating what Keller calls a “self-esteem resume.”  It is what our egos do all the time: try to make ourselves look better than others but Paul says the condition of the natural human ego is empty, painful, busy, and fragile.  He uses the word “physioo” for ego, which literally means overinflated, swollen and distended beyond repair. Yikes.  Sound like someone you know?

 

Our ego is empty because it is “puffed up” but has nothing in its center. It is empty because it is never satisfied; never “full.” The tendency is to try to fill something that’s empty and with our ego, we fill it with things that make us look good but in the end they don’t make us feel all that good.

 

It is painful because it is distended and swollen from all that pressure inside and because deep down it knows all is not perfect and well. Years ago I learned that “feelings are never wrong” and in Keller’s book I learned that it’s not our feelings that get hurt, it’s our ego. Think about it. Regardless of how confident you think you are, egos are always feeling snubbed or ignored in some way. They are never happy.

 

An ego, Keller adds, is also incredibly busy because it is forever comparing and boasting, one-upping and bragging. At its core though, an ego is envious, but envy makes us blind to our blessings because we are instead consumed with what we don’t have or who we’re not. The result of envy is sorrow.  Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? Instead, maybe try to enjoy and appreciate things that aren’t about YOU!

 

“The only cure for envy is happiness but the difficulty is that envy is a terrible obstacle to happiness.”

Bertrand Russell

 

Lastly, the ego is fragile because anything that is overinflated is in constant danger of being deflated. Our egotistic bubbles burst open and out come being disappointed and feelings of unworthiness. Our desire for self-worth will never fulfilled because our ego is basically an insatiable black hole.

 

Not a way to live, right? How about instead turning our focus away from us. Let yourself go. For real.

 

Don’t Judge Me

And yet, as self-deflating as it may be, we search high and low for that verdict and stamp of approval. We care so much about what others think. Not Paul though. His identity was not tied to what the Corinthians thought of him and reminds us that God’s opinion is really the only one we should care about. “I don’t care what you think. I don’t even care what I think. I only care about what the Lord thinks,” he told his Corinth audience. We can say this just like Paul did. (If I remember correctly, Coco Chanel said something very similar but that’s a whole other blog!)

 

But he also warns us that we shouldn’t fall into the trap of focusing and relying on our own standards at the risk of becoming self-centered. Thinking too highly of ourselves is a dangerous road to take, as Paul proclaimed, “My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.” Keller powerfully supports this by saying Hitler may have had a clear conscience, but that does not mean he was innocent.

 

We can all fall into the self-esteem resume trap.  When we think of ourselves as “bad,” we sometimes lose self-confidence and when we do something good, our ego gets inflated.

 

But Paul doesn’t see his accomplishments as reasons to congratulate himself and he doesn’t connect his identity to his sins. Amazingly, Paul reaches a place where he doesn’t think of himself at all; a liberating place Keller refers to as “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness.” Huh?

 

Yep, it may be hard to do but we can start by letting go of the “what’s in it for me” motto and forget about feeding our pride, boosting our egos, and needing constant approval and accolades. A truly humble person thinks of her ego the same way she thinks about her toes: they don’t draw attention to themselves. They just do their job. Our job is to work on not putting ourselves first. We are third.

 

If you let go of your ego and become a self-forgetful person, criticism won’t hurt you because you no longer place immense value on what other people think. You don’t like my opinion? Then don’t listen to it. You don’t respect me? Well that says more about you than it does about me. Non-egotistical people hear criticism and see it as a possible opportunity to change. This is where I see a challenge, as I’m a very sensitive person and opinionated person and often take things waaaaay too personally.  I’m working on it though. Pinky swear.

 

The Verdict is In

We, like Paul, are looking for that ultimate verdict that states we are important and valuable. We search for it every day and in every situation. We look for it in the people around us. This means that every single day we are on trial! We put ourselves in what Keller calls “the courtroom of validation.” No wonder we are stressed and unhappy and feel like we have to prove ourselves.

 

In Christianity, as opposed to most religions in which performance comes before a verdict, thanks to Jesus we receive our verdicts before our performance!  He went on trial for us and was sentenced for us. He took the punishment we deserve so now it’s time for us to leave that courtroom, forget ourselves, and perform on the basis of that verdict.  Because God loves me and accepts me, I don’t do good things to boost up my resume or make myself look better than others, I do them because I want to and actually long to. There is no need to fill up an emptiness because I am full of love. Don’t put yourself on trial anymore. Get over yourself. Court is adjourned.

 

 

 

 

Friday Funny June 26, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 7:48 pm

bear in woods

Happy Friday everyone!

 

Think About It Thursday June 25, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 10:29 pm

Bloom

Just bloom!

 

Tuesday Tip June 23, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 11:04 pm

Ocean rules

Happy Tuesday and Happy Summer!

 

A Day For Dads and Downward Facing Dogs June 21, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — carlawordsmithblog @ 4:32 pm

XXXExercise2

 

Happy International Yoga Day everyone!  What? I thought it was Father’s Day. Well, it is, but it’s also a day when millions are celebrating an ancient tradition around the world. On this day, I do wish all dads out there a happy day filled with relaxation and family as well as the calmness that yoga can bring.

 

I started doing yoga several years ago and, even though I’m not even close to being a “yogi” and I sadly haven’t been to a class in months, I absolutely love it. I think of it as the perfect balance between strength and letting go and I’m using today as a way of inspiring me to get back to it starting tomorrow. Who’s with me?

 

yoga

 

It’s estimated that more than 20 million Northern Americans practice some type of yoga and its benefits are far-reaching. For me it reduces stress and it centers me. It calms me down and it makes my body feel good, not hurt. I feel so good just stretching my body out all while listening to calming music in a dimly lit room. What’s not to love?

 

Yoga is also known to improve flexibility, breathing, and blood flow while at the same time reducing inflammation, high blood pressure, anxiety, chronic pain, and even depression. Best of all, everyone can do it: young and old, limber and stiff. I fall into the latter of both of those but I can do yoga! I can do my Warrior 1 and 2 poses along with Downward Dog and Child’s Pose. I love a Half Moon and a Side Angle but Tree, Chair, Crescent Moon, and Cobra are very hard for me. And as for Table: no way, no how!  Yet!

 

yoga1

 

When I do yoga in the evening, I swear I sleep better that night. I also find that I sweat much more in a yoga class than any other type of class or training I’ve done. I don’t know if that really matters, but it certainly makes me feel like I’m getting a great work-out and my money’s worth!

 

“I’m too old” is not something you ever hear in a yoga studio. In fact, a recent study showed that yoga can actually increase the power in an elderly person’s brain that promotes mental flexibility, information recall, and the ability to multi-task. Seems the wonderful deep breathing you do in yoga pumps more oxygen into your brain cells resulting in a more active brain. Get your mats and sign up!

 

Yoga quote

 

What I also like about yoga is that it’s not some new “exercise of the month” program. It’s been around for centuries. Literally. Actually, more than 6,000 years but who’s counting?

 

Originating in India, yoga most likely developed around the 5th and 6th centuries. Its original purpose was to integrate the body and the mind and it is considered a physical, mental, and spiritual discipline among both Hindus and Buddhists. As with anything, there are many styles and practices including:

 

Hatha. Probably the most popular yoga style, Hatha yoga is perfect for beginners. That’s probably why it’s considered the standard by many and so widespread. Hatha classes consist of slow, gentle movements with lots of modifications for each student’s needs and abilities.

 

Vinyasa. Full of Vinyasa “flow” moves, this is a type of yoga that tells someone you’re not brand new to it but you’re not an expert either. I like Vinyasa classes although they can be very challenging for me. How you can tell a Vinyasa class from another yoga class is that you will change positions through a “flow” method of movements that are fairly fast. In addition, there are generally fewer available modifications and breaks.

 

Ashtanga . Also known as “Power Yoga,” this class is for someone who’s been doing yoga for a while and also incorporates cardio and strength training regularly. It is a physically demanding class and includes jumping from one pose to another, as opposed to “flowing” between them like in Vinyasa. The movements quickly raise your heart rate and there are no breaks. The class is also great for building muscle, as are all yoga classes though.

 

Bikram. I’m sure you’ve heard of this one, also known as “Hot Yoga.” It was definitely the “hot” thing for a hot minute. Two friends of mine did a “30 classes in 30 days” Bikram challenge a few years ago and came out in great shape. It’s best for anyone who’s done yoga before and who is looking to release tight muscles. In a Bikram class, room temperature is cranked to at least 100 degrees, allowing muscles to warm up quickly and increasing deep stretching and flexibility. Poses are often held for at least one minute, which may not sound like a long time, but if you’ve done yoga, you know it’s more challenging than it sounds. These classes are considered very hard.

 

My goal now is to return to my yoga classes tomorrow and continue doing them until I get back in the groove. Why? Because it’s good for me and it makes me feel good. Namaste.

 

Yoga3

 

 

 

 

 

 
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