Beyond Words

Lindsay Brackeen

Happy Independent Bookstore Day! Who knew? I certainly didn’t but when I found out, I was ecstatic. And the good news is that while big box corporate-owned bookstores are booming, the majority of the retail book market is controlled by small stores. This makes me so happy (actually I’m happy when any bookstore flourishes) as my dream has always been to own a small bookstore with a coffee bar and one that hosts book signings, book clubs, and other gatherings. I even have a name for it: Luna Books. Maybe in my next life.

Until then, I’ll celebrate the small book shop boom trend that isn’t limited to just U.S. sales. According to goodnewsnetwork.org, 50 percent of all retail book sales worldwide come from those little bookstores around the corner and tucked away. Yay!

It’s been said bookshelves say a lot about a person and are like self-portraits, as when you look at someone’s collection of books, you see what interests that person. Bookshelves are hot right now. I’ve always adored them and have several. I’m a physical book girl. No Nook or eBooks for me.

Lisa Hilderbrand

My dream rooms are either a library like the one in “My Fair Lady” with a rolling ladder or a dining room with built-ins. Again, maybe in my next life.

Town & Country

Bookshelf Wealth

I’m not alone here, as a new design trend has appeared dubbed “Bookshelf Wealth.” Like we need another video trend or the pressure of pursuing wealth, right? This one’s a good one though; I promise!

Yes, the idea first appeared in online videos but rapidly gained popularity in the design world. Videos featuring elegantly styled bookshelves filled with unique collections, objets d’art, paintings, photographs, and lots of lovely books rack up millions of views. But, as featured in “Veranda” magazine, this is a trend that will endure for years. Books are like that.

So, what’s the difference between a regular ole bookshelf and a “bookshelf wealth” bookcase? The latter’s shelves aren’t overly styled or staged, but rather have a lived-in look and lean into their imperfections to create a cozy vibe in your home. Without even trying or knowing about this trend, I gotta say my bookshelves follow this “new” trend.  Here are some of my faves I found:

Traditional Home

Bria Hammel Interiors

Womans Day

Traditional Home

Renee Bouchon

Other key tips for creating this looks is to keep in mind that everyone’s bookshelves should be different and based on your own personal taste and collections. You don’t want them to look overly staged or perfect. Also, if you or your collection just aren’t there yet, no worries. You can start as early as today by purchasing a bookshelf or having built-ins installed and then add your favorite books along with souvenirs from your travels, pieces of art, and framed photos of friends and family. Most of all have fun with it and remember that just like financial wealth, you want to invest in your bookshelf wealth and let it grow over time.

Book Club Goals

Perhaps a good place to start collecting books is through a book club. I’m a member of one in my neighborhood and even though I don’t always like or read each month’s chosen book, I love my book club. Extremely popular and literally (excuse the pun) found everywhere, did you know book clubs can actually make you happier?

According to author/blogger/speaker Gretchen Rubin and right along with my previous “Find Your People” blog, belonging to a book club is a great way to meet new people who either share your same interests or open you up to new perspectives and ideas. Being a part of a book club that meets regularly also is in line with “Find Your People” as it ensures you are connecting consistently and hopefully building bonds that stretch beyond the books.

So many people claim “read more” as a goal but many also never achieve that goal. Joining a book club is the perfect answer as it ensures you don’t neglect reading or put it at the bottom of your to-do-list.

How to get started? The easiest way is to join an existing book club. If you want to start a new one, be clear about the club’s expectations. Who can join? Can people attend who didn’t read the book? Can anyone suggest a book? Who hosts the club and where? How often does it meet? People often assume a book club has to be organized in a certain way, but kinda like your bookshelves, they can be arranged and created however you want!

Reading is healthy for you and ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree that strong relationships make people happier and that we need enduring, intimate bonds. We need to feel like we belong. (Hello Jeannie Allen!) and we need to get and give support. Those same ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists also agree that eading makes people happier and that reading regularly boosts creativity, improves vocabulary, reduces stress, fosters empathy and understanding, and is FUN!

Hmmmm…it doesn’t take an ancient philosopher, contemporary scientist, or rocket scientist to realize that by combining community with reading you are creating happiness! Join a book club. Start a book club. Your personal bookshelf probably has some good starting points and if not, your local bookstore does. Check them out and check out books!

courtesy: libbyandploeg

Earlier this week I wrote about finding your peeps and also discussed what I learned about doing so after doing a group neighborhood study on Jennie Allen’s book “Finding Your People.” Ironically the study wasn’t part of my neighborhood book club but rather, part of my neighborhood Bible study. When it comes to friends, you need look no further than the scripture.

Let’s start right with the source: Jesus. You want a squad? He had the squad of squads. Simon (to whom He named Peter), James and his brother John, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Thaddaeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot who betrayed him. Okay, that last one proved anything but a friend but we’ve all been there though, right? We’ve had friends hurt and betray us. Maybe not to the point of death, but hurt just the same. You could say this is just one more way Jesus knows…really and truly knows…what we go through.

Jesus kept His 12 companions close at hand and spent the last days of His life with them. They were first called “disciples,” which means learners and then in Matthrew 10:2 they are first called “apostles,” which means messengers. So first they learned and then they preached. Probably something we should all do: listen and learn and then speak.

If you remember from my previous blog, Allen wrote with passion about proximity in friend groups and doing our daily lives with each other. We might read about various places in the Bible but think about it, there is only roughly five miles between Jerusalem and Bethlehem yet in those compact five miles, Jesus did work that forever changed the world. Five miles.  My grocery store is five miles away. Lesson learned? We don’t need to spread ourselves too thin to find our people. Who’s in your five miles?

You could literally say God planned this all. He did not want us to be isolated and alone. From day one, (actually day 6), He said, “It is not good that man should be alone” and created Eve to be Adam’s helper. We all know how that turned out but the point is God wants us to be together.

Even the Holy Trinity is a community of sorts and when Jesus taught us to pray, He didn’t say to pray “my father,” but “OUR father.” We are in this together whether we like to believe or not. What God has wanted from the very beginning is for us to gather in fellowship and share our lives together.

The gathering of community and banquets is found throughout the Bible and often times a table and food are involved. We need look no further than the Last Supper for proof of this, which is re-enacted and expressed during every Catholic mass. That gathering came towards the end of Jesus’ life, but throughout His life He hosted meals and invited all. Loaves and Fishes. The Wedding at Cana. I am the Bread of Life. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. The list could go on and on.

Equally important to note here is that Jesus invited everyone. He ate with sinners even as others watched in horror. He didn’t do so however, to accept or celebrate their sins, but to change them and their sinful ways. He befriended them. And He, the King of kings, didn’t call them servant. He called them friend. I always told my daughter when she was young, “No one has to be your friend. You have to make them want to be your friend.” Making a friend starts with being a friend and Jesus was a friend to all. You could say He sometimes added a little spice to a meal by way of invitees and often came away with a five star one.

I was thinking we should do that too. We should add some spice to our friend groups by sometimes mixing things up. I’ll up it the challenge even more and ask, what would it be like to have at your table people you have hurt? My hope is that come dessert time, you’d be breaking bread together. Yeah, it’s comfortable to hang out with those who are similar to you and who you are comfortable around, but sometimes we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Maybe add some different ingredients to those you regularly hang out. Invite the quiet one. Welcome the outspoken one. When you mix beans, a fiber, with rice, a carb, you create a complete protein that gives you energy, builds strength, and fills you up. Same with our friends. They should together make us better and stronger.

Sometimes I feel my life if full of different ingredients, both sweet and spicy and sometimes even a little salty. The groups of friends I see frequently are so varied that I sometimes feel like a different Carla is part of each different one. Is that bad? Do you experience this too? I’m of the thinking that life changes but friends don’t have to so even though my life stage is different now (and maybe I am too) then years past. And, isn’t it normal to function differently in Bible study then while playing golf or catching up with college buddies? Help me out here.

University of Oklahoma

I’ll close with a famous scripture verse I left out is the often heard: “You reap what you sow.” What seeds are you planting? Are you sowing friendships or are you hiding behind your fig leaf and social media? Instead, how about passing the flavoring and healing attributes of salt and breaking bread together? Be hungry not just for food, but for community. For God. For both. As beloved Father Jared Cooke so eloquently said, “If you’re not hungry for God, you’re probably too full of yourself.”

It’s the subject of one of television’s most beloved sitcoms and it’s the theme of a study I recently took part in based on author/podcaster/woman extraordinaire Jennie Allen’s book “Find Your People.” It is, friendship and it was fascinating.

In it, I learned we all want people connection and trusted friend groups but it’s kinda hard to find your people when both you and those people are always so busy or live so far away. Ironically, one of my dear college friends who lives far away gave me the book for my birthday a few years back. Now, years later, I got to study the idea all over again with neighborhood friends.

Truth be told I might not have been open to this a few years back. That was when, after living in the same city for 30+ years and living a life that included an exciting career and fulfilling motherhood, hubby and I moved to a new (but nearby) town and neighborhood. I remember “making” friends here and there but all the while thinking, “I have 30+ years of friends nearby. Why do I need new ones?” Boy was I wrong. Now I covet my neighborhood and the friends I’ve made in it. As a true introvert, it has taken me longer than others might take, but I’m comfortable and feel at home in our now not so new neighborhood.

Neighborhood. Key word. I’m thankful and grateful that my neighborhood has lots of activities to get people together. I do everything from golf to Bible studies, a rosary group to book club, cooking classes to wine tasting, exercise classes to happy hours and everything in between. Allen would applaud this.

Why? Because she stresses that proximity matters as it breeds intimacy. She also notes that yeah, it’s nice to have “every now and then” friends, but true friends do our daily lives with us. Research supports this and reports it takes 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to move from casual friend to friend, and more than 200 hours to qualify as a best friend.

There’s no denying that everyone wants love and belonging, but they’re hard to give and receive when everybody’s busy and everyone is guarded. We avoid sharing the “messes” for fear of being judged or offending someone’s feelings, but as Allen says, messes are often where we bond the best and that transparency is vital in a tried-and-true friendship.

Boy isn’t that the truth and it’s something I learned firsthand late last year when I had a death in the family. It’s times like that when you really realize who is there for you and makes an effort to reach out. It’s when you find your people.

Former Texas Longhorn (I won’t hold that against him) and pro football player and now TV commentator, speaker, and podcaster Emmauel Acho has some brilliant stuff to say about all this. He categorizes people in his life as if they were a house. He has window friendships, door friendships, and floor friendships. Stick with me; it’s fascinating and eye-opening.

Window friends are those who see what’s going on in your life but don’t always know what’s going on. They are on the outside looking in and are those you touch base with on holidays, events. tragedies, etc. You allow who sees through these windows, knowing you can only let so many people in your house.

Door friends are those who come in and out of your life. They are there for a reason and for a season. They are also the ones who, when life gets tough or your world gets cold, might exit but sometimes want back in when times are good. They stop making the effort so when they come knocking, you decide whether to open that door again and again.

Firefly Lane

Floor friends aren’t going anywhere and are permanent fixtures in your house of life. You can track mud on them, scratch them up, and stomp on them but they will always be there to catch your tears and keep you standing up. They are also there for you to jump up and down on when celebrating. Your house would cease to exist and not be a house without floors. IMO the perfect example of this would be Tully and Kate from “Firefly Lane.”

In short, a house generally has more windows than doors and more doors than floors. As long as you have one solid floor, your house (and your life) will be held together securely.

These kinda fall in line with thoughts from an even deeper thinker: Aristotle. He identified three “species” of friendships:

Friendships of utility are those based on what someone can do for you or what you can do for someone. They have little to do with character and can end as soon as any possible use for you or the other person is gone.

The friendship of pleasure is based on the enjoyment of a shared activity or the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions. Think going for drinks with friends or enjoying a hobby or sport. Aristotle notes that this type of friendship is especially common among the young and can end quickly as it is dependent on ever-changing likes and dislikes. This explains why it’s easy to make friends in college but tougher once you enter the real world.

The friendship of virtue gets to the heart of what good friends are. These are the people you like for themselves and who influence you in a positive way. There are common missions, common goals, and common values. It is this virtue that Aristotle lauds and says, that while friendships of utility and pleasure have their place, it’s the rare yet pure friendships of virtue that are the greatest contributors to a good life and prevent loneliness.

Ugh. Loneliness.

The Surgeon General once said “The greatest public health crisis in America is not cancer or heart disease, it’s social isolation. Loneliness.” Thank you, distance. Thank you, internet. Thank you Covid and your crippling isolation, increased separatism, and ongoing division. Lessons learned, right?

We simply cannot cope alone and yet, even though we have more ways to connect then ever before, there is an increase in isolation and loneliness. It’s not uncommon to feel lonely in a crowd. We may have more relationships and “friends,” but we also have fewer and less meaningful ones. In our hyper-connected world, loneliness has become an epidemic.

It’s easy to blame the internet, but according to Allen it started way before we were online. She points to the breakdown of the village structure generations before us lived in and thrived in. Today, we live far from those we love, are in neighborhoods with garage doors shut, and a simple wave to neighbors as we see them. We are divided…and I’m talking physically in this case.

We’ve also replaced real soul-bearing conversations with “likes” and “shares.” We celebrate individualism and independence way too much. Think about it, when we hear of someone who commits a violent crime, how is he or she typically described? “Social outcast.” “Living on the fringe.” “Kept to himself.” The enemy loves isolation and division and our spread-out world is tailor-made for both.

It came as no surprise to learn that men tend to be more isolated than women and that women generally have more true friendships then men do. It’s not connection males seek as much as belonging, so they often bond over a common purpose or interest. They rarely dive deep with their buddies. My husband can play a four-hour round of golf with someone and come home with zero “news” on their life. Don’t believe me? Next time you see women interact you’ll probably notice they do so face-to-face while men do so shoulder-to-shoulder. We are not the same.

Kathy Womack

What’s the moral of this somewhat depressing but totally fixable story? We need connection. We need authenticity. We also need frequency more than we need duration when it comes to relationships according to author Grechen Rubin. She firmly believes it’s better to have more short visits with others than few long ones.

So, BFFs, buddies, posse, homies, crew, squad, whatever you want to call it; call it often! I promise I’ll pick up.

Note: Allen’s book and videos also stressed how all of this is spiritual and I will touch on that in a related blog on Sunday.

Same Georgia; same.

Rams Head and White Hollyhock and Hills. Georgia O’Keefe

I recently visited San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. The town is extremely popular and charming in many ways. Beautiful churches. Wonderful food. Colorful architecture. Friendly natives. Hilly streets. Lots of hilly, windy streets. I think we saw all of them as my four girlfriends and I went from store to store, market to market, and shopped til we dropped. I liked much of what we saw, but being a New Mexican native and a Texas resident for nearly 40 years, some of which were near the Texas-Mexico border, I’d seen much of it, purchased it in the past, or rather than fill my suitcase with what I saw, I knew I could buy almost all of it back home.

But, the art. The fabulous art. It was one of my favorite parts of the trip. Here is just a sampling of some of my favorites that I remembered to photograph, including art as a chair and a street! I love how the dots on the black-and-white horse spilled into the bottom of the frame too.

As I mentioned, I’m from New Mexico, Santa Fe to be exact, so I’ve been surrounded by and educated about art my whole life. Make no mistake, I have zero artistic ability but I love art. I love those little “Paint and Sip” classes but as much as I enjoy them, I’ve come to discover I have no room or need for the finished products at home.

“Yeii.” Original by Ronald A. Chee

I love a home that’s filled with art and I’d have more of it up if it weren’t for my husband who insists on some blank walls. I’m not talking expensive or collectors-type art, but original nonetheless. He’s onto something though I must admit because you never want every wall in your home over-flowing with art or any wall to have too much.

Jim Vine via Bunny Williams

All of this is why I was so enamored by a recent article in “Elle Décor” that asked, “When decorating one’s home; what comes first: the art or the room?” I know many who have furnished their home then found art to go with it. Most designers agree however, that decorating is easiest and best when a client owns the art from the get go. In truth, maybe it’s a balance between the two.

Cade Design

I adore the above painting as well as Designer Billy Cotton’s quote that one should be “wary of designing around it too closely as that turns the art into decoration.” Boom! Love that. Art should not be “decoration.” It should be, well, art. Cotton goes on to say that “Art is so personal. It really doesn’t have any function aside from beauty.”

Yes, you can go to any store, scroll online, and find art. A lot of it actually really pretty and/or cute, like the above print of Andrew Wyeth’s “Master Bedroom” that hangs in our master. It’s always been one of my favorites and a print of it is just fine for me in this case. My heart however, wants original art. My dream would be to own an original Monet or Remington, but I am satisfied with original pieces of art painted by maybe not famous artists but those whose work is original albeit more affordable.

“Longboat Key Steps” by Laurie Hatch

Art fills our home and fills my heart. One of my most treasured pieces is the above painting our dear friend Laurie Hatch painted. I gave her a photo of my husband and our daughter walking the beach and she worked her artistic magic from there. We also had her do one for my mother-in-law, and upon her passing it now hangs in our daughter’s home. The right art is always a keeper.

Does the art in your home need to be of all the same style? Nope. Feel free to mix and match but keep it clean and avoid the impression you live in a museum. Gallery maybe. Museum no. Your art should be personal and tell a story and if that includes something western-themed near a silhouette of a vase of flowers like the above “Red Vase” and “Dinner Reservations” by Terry Crump, so be it. Enjoy it. And buy it. I will forever regret not buying “Red Vase” when I originally saw it many years ago.

Amado Pena original

There’s no arguing that art is an essential element in any well-decorated room but what if you don’t have an eye for it or on a budget and can’t afford a designer? I would suggest research, discover what you love, consider your home’s style, and go from there. If you have the art you want to hang and are building a home, even better as you can create custom spots and architectural designs to accommodate it if possible.

Mark Rothko at Buffalo AKG Art Museum

Another tip I gleaned from the article and kinda already knew was to never put art in the service of a design scheme. In other words, if your beloved Rothko consists of his signature bold blocks of color, don’t jump to furnishing a room to match it. Better yet, allow it to make a statement and keep in mind that placement is important.

Unless you’re dealing with the masters or extremely formal areas, a little whimsy can go a long way. Take for instance the above colorful rubber ducks and toothbrushes for a guest bath, an original sign I had made for another guest bath, a treasured piece purchased on our honeymoon in Jamaica that hangs in our laundry room, and a ceramic deer head draped in pearls. So fun and so easy to replicate. Not every piece that’s up needs to be museum-ready. Sometimes they just need to be loved.

Veranda

The Nester

Groupings are also a good idea and create a more playful and whimsical pop of art. These groupings can be anything from the above copper molds in a kitchen, transferware, cowboy hats, some of my mom’s Santa Fe churches collection, the Brittany Fuson originals above the very desk I’m writing this on, or the simple buildings seen in the home we stayed in in San Miguel. Cluster those collections you have tucked away and you’ll be surprised how much joy they bring you and how many conversations they start.

Lastly, art that’s often overlooked is photography. The above photo is one of my all-time faves. Not sure whose it is but would love to own it! I also love Gray Malin’s photography with the above “Prada” being one of my faves. The Wall Street sign pictured above? That’s an original of mine that happened as I quickly crossed the street in New York and didn’t even know I’d created it until I got home. I still love it. Photography is often more affordable then original art and can make a bold statement all its own.

So, while I’ll never own a Michelangelo or Picasso, I am the proud owner of the above “original” piece by our daugher when she was little and while I don’t have a home big enough to house everything I like and own, I will continue to appreciate the art I have and discover both nearby and in faraway places. Even if it’s in a market in Mexico. Ole!

One more thing and just for fun: check out Photographer Stefan Draschan’s “Art Matches People” exhibit online. It’s amazing!

Here are few of affordable artists whose work I own and love:

“Heal Through Hope” by Deannart

Tricia Robinson

Kathy Womack “Women and Wine” series

Renee Bouchon

“First Snow” by Tom Bojinowski