Beyond Words

courtesy: libbyandploeg

Earlier this week I wrote about finding your peeps and also discussed what I learned about doing so after doing a group neighborhood study on Jennie Allen’s book “Finding Your People.” Ironically the study wasn’t part of my neighborhood book club but rather, part of my neighborhood Bible study. When it comes to friends, you need look no further than the scripture.

Let’s start right with the source: Jesus. You want a squad? He had the squad of squads. Simon (to whom He named Peter), James and his brother John, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James, Thaddaeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot who betrayed him. Okay, that last one proved anything but a friend but we’ve all been there though, right? We’ve had friends hurt and betray us. Maybe not to the point of death, but hurt just the same. You could say this is just one more way Jesus knows…really and truly knows…what we go through.

Jesus kept His 12 companions close at hand and spent the last days of His life with them. They were first called “disciples,” which means learners and then in Matthrew 10:2 they are first called “apostles,” which means messengers. So first they learned and then they preached. Probably something we should all do: listen and learn and then speak.

If you remember from my previous blog, Allen wrote with passion about proximity in friend groups and doing our daily lives with each other. We might read about various places in the Bible but think about it, there is only roughly five miles between Jerusalem and Bethlehem yet in those compact five miles, Jesus did work that forever changed the world. Five miles.  My grocery store is five miles away. Lesson learned? We don’t need to spread ourselves too thin to find our people. Who’s in your five miles?

You could literally say God planned this all. He did not want us to be isolated and alone. From day one, (actually day 6), He said, “It is not good that man should be alone” and created Eve to be Adam’s helper. We all know how that turned out but the point is God wants us to be together.

Even the Holy Trinity is a community of sorts and when Jesus taught us to pray, He didn’t say to pray “my father,” but “OUR father.” We are in this together whether we like to believe or not. What God has wanted from the very beginning is for us to gather in fellowship and share our lives together.

The gathering of community and banquets is found throughout the Bible and often times a table and food are involved. We need look no further than the Last Supper for proof of this, which is re-enacted and expressed during every Catholic mass. That gathering came towards the end of Jesus’ life, but throughout His life He hosted meals and invited all. Loaves and Fishes. The Wedding at Cana. I am the Bread of Life. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. The list could go on and on.

Equally important to note here is that Jesus invited everyone. He ate with sinners even as others watched in horror. He didn’t do so however, to accept or celebrate their sins, but to change them and their sinful ways. He befriended them. And He, the King of kings, didn’t call them servant. He called them friend. I always told my daughter when she was young, “No one has to be your friend. You have to make them want to be your friend.” Making a friend starts with being a friend and Jesus was a friend to all. You could say He sometimes added a little spice to a meal by way of invitees and often came away with a five star one.

I was thinking we should do that too. We should add some spice to our friend groups by sometimes mixing things up. I’ll up it the challenge even more and ask, what would it be like to have at your table people you have hurt? My hope is that come dessert time, you’d be breaking bread together. Yeah, it’s comfortable to hang out with those who are similar to you and who you are comfortable around, but sometimes we need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Maybe add some different ingredients to those you regularly hang out. Invite the quiet one. Welcome the outspoken one. When you mix beans, a fiber, with rice, a carb, you create a complete protein that gives you energy, builds strength, and fills you up. Same with our friends. They should together make us better and stronger.

Sometimes I feel my life if full of different ingredients, both sweet and spicy and sometimes even a little salty. The groups of friends I see frequently are so varied that I sometimes feel like a different Carla is part of each different one. Is that bad? Do you experience this too? I’m of the thinking that life changes but friends don’t have to so even though my life stage is different now (and maybe I am too) then years past. And, isn’t it normal to function differently in Bible study then while playing golf or catching up with college buddies? Help me out here.

University of Oklahoma

I’ll close with a famous scripture verse I left out is the often heard: “You reap what you sow.” What seeds are you planting? Are you sowing friendships or are you hiding behind your fig leaf and social media? Instead, how about passing the flavoring and healing attributes of salt and breaking bread together? Be hungry not just for food, but for community. For God. For both. As beloved Father Jared Cooke so eloquently said, “If you’re not hungry for God, you’re probably too full of yourself.”