Beyond Words

Cow photo bomb…cracks me up!

The Golf Balls of Life

A professor stood before his philosophy class and picked up a large, empty jar.  On the table beside the jar were containers of golf balls, pebbles, sand, and water.  The professor filled the jar with golf balls and asked his students, “is the jar full?”  Half the class said “yes” but half said, “no, there is still space between the golf balls.”

The professor then poured the pebbles into the jar and shook it so they settled into the open areas between the balls.  Again he asked the students if the jar was full.  Once again half said “yes” but half said “no, there’s still space between the pebbles.”

The professor then poured sand into the jar and asked the students if the jar was now full.  This time most of the students said “yes” but one insightful student said “no there’s still some space between the grains of sand.”

The professor smiled and poured a significant amount of water into the jar and asked, “what if I put the water in first or the sand or the pebbles?  The golf balls wouldn’t fit into the jar without something overflowing.  Think of the jar as your life.  The golf balls are the important things in your life like God, family, health, friends and your favorite passions.  Take care of them first.  The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.  They are important, but they shouldn’t be what make your life matter.  If you put the big stuff into your jar of life first – the stuff that really matters – the small stuff will find a way to fit in and if it doesn’t, maybe it doesn’t need to take up so much space your life.  The sand is everything else – the small stuff.  If you put the sand in first, there won’t be room for the pebbles or golf balls.  The same goes for life.  If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that really matter.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.  Hug your family.  Call your parents.  Hold hands with your spouse.  Go to church.  Get medical check-ups.  Exercise.  Eat well.  Laugh.  Take time for yourself.  There will always be time to clean the house and tweet a status, but take care of the golf balls in your life first.  The rest is just sand.  Don’t get trapped in it.

Today marked the last day of teaching my class this year. It’s always such a bittersweet day, as I’m ready for some time off but I’m going to miss all my little friends and their wonderful moms and dads. I love my job and my eyes were tearing up all day long.  It didn’t help that I was up late last night watching the horrific news out of Moore, Oklahoma or that my daughter is having surgery tomorrow.  I was an emotional basket case in need of keeping it together in front of 11 little angels.

As many of you know, I’m an Oklahoma University grad, my daughter currently attends OU, and the state is near and dear to my heart. I have many friends who live there and I was in Moore a mere three weeks ago. To say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. The fact that two elementary schools took direct hits from the twister is enough to twist the insides of even the strongest person.

Once again however, teachers came through. Much like we did in the aftermath of the Newtown, Connecticut tragedy, we are learning just how courageous and critical teachers were in Moore, Oklahoma.  As my director said during our morning prayer today, teachers are the true heroes of society, not the athletes or movie stars who make millions of dollars.  We have severe weather drills in our school once-a-month, but I can’t even imagine having to go through the real thing. I can only hope I would be as brave as those in Moore, Newtown, and in cities across America.

I am not a teacher by trade but I am proud to call myself a pre-school teacher nonetheless. As they say, teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions. Teachers literally shape the future and they literally save lives. In honor of those heroic teachers in Moore; for my sweet students who made my year special; and for all the good, dedicated, and tireless teachers out there, I’d like to close with a piece written by Donna Dargis that I give my students at the end of school each year. It’s called “If There Could Be One Thing.”

If there could be only one thing in life for me to teach you, I would teach you to:
Respect others so that you may find respect in yourself.
Learn the value of giving so that if ever there comes a time in your life when someone really needs you, you will give.
Act in a manner that you wish to be treated.
Be proud of yourself.
Laugh and smile as much as you can in order to bring joy into this world.
Have faith in others.
Be understanding.
Stand tall and learn to depend on yourself.
Only take from this earth those things that you really need so there will be enough for others.
Don’t depend on money or material things for your happiness.
Fine peace and security within yourself.
To you my child, I hope I have taught all of these things, for they are love and I love you.

In honor of my mom and all moms out there, here are just a few of my favorite quotes about moms:

“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”  Cardinal Mermillod

A good mother is like a quilt:  she keeps her children warm but doesn’t smother them.

A worried mom does better research than the FBI.

“Women who make a house a home make a far greater contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations.”  Gordon B. Hinckley

“It is difficult to know what counts most in the world but I am beginning to see that the things that really matter take place not in the boardrooms, but in the kitchens of the world.”  Gary Allen Sledge

“Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.”  Henry Ward Beecher

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend.

Perhaps that last one is the one that rings truest to me today.  My daughter is a little girl who’s grown up to be my friend; in many ways my best friend.  At the same time, my mom is today my trusted friend.  I still rely on her for so much wisdom and prayer and I see better today all that she sacrificed for me and know I am safe and healthy because of her prayers.   She is so faithful to the mother of us all, Blessed Mary, and I know Mary is protecting me as I go about my days.  Thank you mom for all you’ve done for me and thank you Kristen for making me proud.  Most of all, thank you God for putting the two of them in my life.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Facebook and Beyond

Just yesterday, my daughter Kristen changed my Facebook profile photo because she didn’t like it.  No, it wasn’t a bratty or disrespectful thing to do if you know the story behind it, but it got me thinking:  could I do the same to her FB page?  The answer is yes, but that might not be the case with so many parents out there and even with you, my dear readers.  Do you know your child’s passwords?  ALL their passwords?  Are you familiar with the vast array of social media sites kids are using today?

First of all, it’s important to know that Facebook is just one social site that kids today are logging onto.  What’s even more important to know is that Facebook is not deemed the coolest of sites by those same kids.  As reported by the Associated Press recently, Facebook is considered the “school-sanctioned prom” to teenagers and all the others apps are the “much cooler after party.”  No, Facebook hasn’t gone the way of MySpace, but it’s certainly feeling the heat from rivals such as Twitter, Instagram, Flickr, Snapchat, Kik Messenger and even YouTube and Pinterest.  Haven’t heard of them?  Read on…

I think most of you have an idea of what YouTube and Pinterest are, but here’s a breakdown of some of the other sites your kids may be using:

Facebook:  I won’t go into any detail on this popular site because you’re more than likely on it yourself or at least familiar with it, but did you know a user (your child!) can use custom settings on their FB account to control who sees what on their profile?  In other words, I probably don’t see as much on my daughter’s friends’ sites as she does, even though I am “friends” with them.

Twitter:  Twitter is an online social networking service that enables users to send and receive text-based messages of up to 140 characters, known as “tweets.”  To me, “tweets” are very similar to Facebook status updates, except that they are done much more often.  Users seem to tweet everything they do and think and love the fact that they have “followers,” those invited to “follow” their tweets.  Today it’s estimated there are more than 500 million registered Twitter users, including many celebs, and more than 340 million tweets are generated daily.   Unregistered users on the popular website can read tweets, but only registered users can post tweets.  It is extremely popular with college students.

Instagram:  Instagram is free software that digitally enhances photos and posts them to an online account.  It is considered fairly safe as long as users keep their privacy settings very limited and don’t post any questionable pics.  Problems tend to arise once those Instagrammed photos are posted on sites like Facebook, which ironically bought Instagram last year.

Flickr:  “Flicker” is a photo and video hosting website  and online community owned by Yahoo. In addition to being a popular website for users to share and embed personal photographs, the service is widely used by bloggers like me as a source of photos and images.  There are reportedly more than 6 billion images and videos available, which can be accessed without an account but an account is needed to upload content onto the website. Widely used on computers, Flickr also has a popular mobile app.

Snapchat:  One of IPhone’s top 10 most popular free apps, Snapchat lets users send a text, photo, or video that self-destructs within 10 seconds of being opened, leaving no room for tracking or tracing.  But, users need to keep in mind that anyone who receives their Snapchat post can use those 10 seconds to take a “screenshot” of it and save it indefinitely.

Kik Messenger:  The most inviting thing about “Kik” is that it permits anonymity to its users.  It also allows unlimited texting and is a free app.  Use a random nickname or user name and a person’s real name, identity, or phone number may never revealed.

Sound scary?  They are, especially when you consider that fact that many mobile apps don’t require a cellphone or credit card.  They’re all free as long as there is a wireless connection available.  Some parents are opting to shut off their home’s Wi-Fi after certain hours but many of those same parents admit they are not the sharpest tools in the high tech shed when it comes to social media.  In many ways, today’s “tech talk” is yesterday’s “sex talk” with your children…it’s that important.  In the same vein, technology education for parents is comparable to sex education.  Study it.  Learn it.  Live it.

It’s a tough thing to stay on top of though, and I’m right there with you.  According to the Federal Trade Commission, there are more than 800,000 apps available through Apple and nearly that many available on Google Play.  Many parents aren’t even aware that their children use any or all of these sites until something goes wrong and trouble comes calling.

So, just because you don’t see racy pics or posts on your child’s Facebook page, don’t stop there.  And no, it’s not a matter of control or privacy.  It’s a matter of safety and care.  If you’re doing it just to be nosey, stop right there.  But if you’re worried about something in particular, check it out.  They could be tweeting or Snapchatting as you read this!

All.  The.  Time.

It’s a very special day in our country today.  It’s not a day off from work or school and it’s not a day when we exchange cards or presents but, it’s important nonetheless.  It is, The National Day of Prayer.  Like many of you, I pray every day so a “national day to pray” may seem a bit redundant, but it’s not…it’s actually very powerful.

President Harry Truman officially established one day a year as a “National Day of Prayer” in 1952, but left the date of choice to each subsequent president.  It was President Ronald Reagan who designated the first Thursday of May as the official annual National Day of Prayer.

So what exactly is this day to pray?  Congress designated it to be a day of observance for people “to turn to God in prayer and meditation.”  The two stated intentions of the day are for it to be a day when adherents of all great religions could unite in prayer and that it be a day to bring renewed respect for God to all peoples of the world.  As with anything secular, the day has been both criticized and debated, so far all to no avail legally.

There is no official ceremony for the day but traditionally the President issues an official proclamation.  Presidents Reagan and George H.W. Bush each hosted events to commemorate the day once during their administrations, while President George W. Bush held events every year while he was in office.  There are no plans for any formal White House events today, but we as a country should pray nonetheless and President Obama has issued a proclamation that says in part, “All of us have the freedom to pray and exercise our faiths openly. Our laws protect these God-given liberties, and rightly so. Today and every day, prayers will be offered in houses of worship, at community gatherings, in our homes, and in neighborhoods all across our country. Let us give thanks for the freedom to practice our faith as we see fit, whether individually or in fellowship.”

The National Day of Prayer Task Force has selected Greg Laurie as this year’s Honorary Chairman, who offers the following prayer for this year:

Father, we come to You to pray for our nation, the United States of America.

How You have blessed us through the years, Lord! We rightly sing, “America, America, God shed His grace on thee.” Yet we see trouble in our culture today. We see the breakdown of the family, crippling addictions, and random acts of horrific violence.

Lord, we need Your help in America.  In recent days, we have done our best to remove Your Word and Your counsel from our courtrooms, classrooms and culture. It seems, as President Lincoln once said, that we have “forgotten God.” But Lord, You have not forgotten us! You can bless and help and revive our country again.  Lord, in Your mercy, we ask that You would exalt our country again.

That is our prayer for America today, Lord. Send a mighty spiritual awakening that will turn the hearts of men and women, boys and girls back to you. Forgive us today, Lord, and heal this troubled land that we love so much.

We ask all of this in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Ouch.  Scary but true, right?  So what makes you happy?  Is anyone really happy?  My husband just asked me that very question, and after thinking long and hard about it, all I could come up with was being a wife, mother, and generally living my life in peace.   Kristen makes me happy.  My dog Boomer makes me happy.  My job and the kids in my class generally make me happy.  On my Facebook page, I wrote,  “I love being around friends, family and anyone who makes me laugh. I love deep conversations. I hate small talk. I hate people who are sneaky, braggy or phony. I love dogs, good music, massages, my annual college girls’ trip, coffee, good wine, Stone Crab, home décor, lighthouses, thunderstorms, snow, the beach, the mountains, the smell of Play-Do, brand new tennis balls, sinking a long putt, cashews, Marcona almonds, bookstores, Easter lilies, daisies, reading a really good book, and my Oklahoma Sooners!”  I guess that pretty much sums up what makes me happy.  Done.  No mas.

Of course we all know it’s never that simple.  “The pursuit of happiness” may be in the Declaration of Independence, but it’s not a guarantee and it’s not in the Bill of Rights.   Being happy takes work, and with so much horror and grief taking place nationally the past week or so, it’s been tough to find or feel real joy.  What is the difference between joy and happiness?  Is there a difference?

Entertainer and talk show host Steve Harvey recently put it this way:  he said “fun” is going to Vegas, the beach or a concert.  “Joy,” however, is peace of mind and being happy with who you are.  Seems he and Mr. Zigler agree on this fact.

Just last month findings from a UC Berkeley study on what and who makes us feel content were released and they were somewhat shocking.  No, money and fame were not even near the top of the list.  Of those asked about household income, social standing, personality and a sense of well-being, what was mentioned most as contributing to their happiness and sense of satisfaction  is how much they’re respected by their  friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors.  The key, it appears, is being valuable to the people around you.

“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with.”  Mark Twain.

It’s been said that for every minute you’re angry, you lose one minute of happiness.   I know there are many out there who have every right to be unhappy right now.  These can be depressing times and we all deserve to be “down” at times.  It’s important to acknowledge feelings of sadness but it’s equally  important to lift ourselves up out of those periods of sadness before they become a way of life.

Often times, many of us mistake comfort for happiness.  “I’ll be happy when I have that new luxury car.”  “If I had a bigger house, I’d be happier.”   Not always the case though, right?  Sure, our new couch that arrived Saturday makes me happy, but it hasn’t really changed my life in any big or true way.  Yes, it’s comfortable and pretty, but comfort is easy; joy is harder.

Mark Hansen of the “Post Masculine” website recently wrote about this very thing.  He notes that Americans have become complacent and entitled, resulting in our inability to handle anything unpleasant in our lives.  It’s also disconnecting us from the very things that drive true happiness:  relationships, unique experiences, feeling self-appreciative, and achieving goals.  Sounds like Mr. Hansen and UC Berkeley are preaching to the same unhappy choirs.

“The true secret of happiness lies in the taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.”  William Morris.

Maybe we’re just trying too hard.  Maybe we need to count our blessings and smell the roses instead of constantly looking at the glass half full.  Instead of always striving for perfection, maybe we should just be satisfied with good.  I’m not saying lower our standards or settle for less, but maybe think twice about what it is you want and need and the difference between the two.  (Gretchen Rubin has written about this in her two books, “The Happiness Project” and “Happier at Home.”  I highly recommend both of them.)

I think of the country club neighborhood I live in.  Year after year I hear people complain about one thing or another about the club and its many amenities.  Is it perfect?  No.  Is anyone or anywhere?  No!  I’ve always thought to myself, “If you’re complaining about your country club, your life is okay.”

That’s just another case in point that rich is a relative term.   In fact, a 2010 Princeton University study found that life satisfaction rises with income but that everyday happiness – the very type of happiness most of us strive for – changes little once a person earns $75,000 a year.  I follow Susie Davis’ “Good News Girl” blog and loved a post of hers last year detailing this very thing.   Susie wrote that, although each of us may not be considered rich compared to some of the most wealthy in the country, compared to the majority of those worldwide, we in fact are.  Her “Seven Quick Ways to Know if You’re Rich” included things like discovering you’re out of milk so you just drive to the store and buy some; when your car is empty, you fill it up; if you break your cell phone, you get a new one; you have electricity and hot water; and perhaps my favorite:  you have so much food in your ‘fridge, pantry and freezer that it could last you months.   Think about it…you are probably indeed “rich.”

“A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”

This reminds me of shoes and the fact that I can choose a pair for every outfit I have.  I am certainly rich in shoes!  In my preschool class I used to sing the “Happy New Shoes” song each time one of my students came to class in a new pair of shoes.  The song is the same tune as “Happy Birthday” and I got the idea from my teaching mentor, Ms. Christine, who had taught in an inner-city school where a new pair of shoes was a huge deal.  Sadly, in my suburbia class, I found I was singing the song almost daily and that it wasn’t having the impact it should.  Needless to say Ms. Carla no longer sings the “New Shoes” song to her students.

Globally, happiness and rich can mean entirely different things than they mean in the U.S.A.  In general, countries around the world measure how well society is doing by how much one earns, how many electronics are sold, and how many homes are built.  That’s HOW WELL THEY”RE DOING, not how happy they are.  Happiness means many things to many people.  Enter, happiness initiatives, federally-funded studies that measure happiness.

According to Gallup, U.S. wealth per capita has soared in recent years, but Americans aren’t necessarily any happier than before.   Columbia University’s “World Happiness Report” did find that higher incomes do indeed boost joy in poor countries, but in richer nations, more money made a small impact on one’s happiness.  Political freedom, social support, job security, health and stable families meant more across the board.

“Happiness is a place between too much and too little.”  Finnish proverb

So just where are the happiest people in on Earth…literally?  Of the 156 countries studied, Denmark, Finland, Norway, the Netherlands and Canada ranked highest.  Looks like we all need to move to Scandinavia!  The U.S. ranked 11^th highest, proving that although it is the richest country, it’s by no means the happiest.   Yep, “someone else is happy with less than what you have” seems more than appropriate here.

Maybe that’s the secret.  The more we think we’re happy, the happier we might be.  I like it.   After all, if we aren’t grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we will be happier with more or something different?    Today, I will choose joy and live by what Dale Carnegie said, “Happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have, it depends solely on what you think.”

Think happy thoughts friends and have a happy day!