Welcome to a recap of the Red Carpet that wasn’t. Yep. The 95th Academy Awards red carpet was actually champagne. More on that in a bit.
Truth be told I didn’t watch the Oscars, don’t know who most of the nominees were, and haven’t heard of or seen most of the movies nominated. I did see “Top Gun,” “Elvis,” “Father Stu,” and “Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris,” the latter of which wins all of my awards as I adored it, but that’s about it unless the BTS concert movie counts, which I also “attended.”

I use to love going to the movies, but when those who pretend for a living and get paid millions for doing so decided they were smarter than me and half the country, I said buh-bye to all things Hollywood. Hollyweird. But, a girl loves a pretty dress so I’m here to peruse what I’ve seen online so this suburbia girl is putting her pretend fashion guru hat on and giving her take on best and worst dressed. Let’s go.

My award for “Best Dressed” is shared by two: Angela Bassett in Moschino and Cara Delevingne in Elie Saab. Both ladies festooned their dresses with jewelry by Bulgari and both brought old Hollywood glam to the red…er beige carpet. I loved the bold colors, elegant draping, and the fact that model Delevingne showed Hollywood how it’s done. Sidenote: what Bassett isn’t winning any awards for was her caught-on-camera reaction to hearing Jamie Lee Curtis beat her and others for the Best Supporting Actress Oscar. No one knows what she was thinking, but the clips I’ve seen are not a good look for her.

Next up for me: Cate Blanchett in Louis Vuitton. It probably didn’t hurt that instead of watching the Oscar’s, I watched Cate’s film from several years ago that I just discovered, “Where’d You Go Bernadette” and absolutely loved it! What a great movie! I also loved that for the Oscars, Cate remained her original self and chose something we could all almost see ourselves wearing in a more average Joe manner.

Emily Blunt was the picture of perfection and subtle yet stunning style in white Valentino. I absolutely adored this whole look and those earrings! They don’t show up like much in photos but as she walked, they were uh-mazing Chopard statements that added the perfect amount of glam to her otherwise polished look.

Also lovely in white were Michelle Williams, who always looks chic; Sofia Carson, who I don’t know but know she picked a winner here; and Best Actress award winner Michelle Yeoh. Let’s start with Williams. Again, she always seems to win the red carpet and last night’s choice of Chanel Couture was yet another triumph. It could almost be a wedding gown or the inspiration for one! Then there were Carson’s Cinderella-like gown by Giambattista Valli Haute Couture and that Chopard piece of art around her neck. Perfection. Last but certainly not least was Michelle Yeoh. How classy is she? Her Dior Couture feathery gown was ethereal and I love that this woman who is certainly not past her prime still chose a sheer neckline rather than going totally strapless. Class. I guess couture wins this round!

Next up the opposite of white: black. I have several winners here but no one did it better than Chloe East in her stunning Monique Lhuillier and equally stunning Fred Leighton necklace. If I could wear any of the gowns mentioned in this blog to the Oscars or to any gala, it would be Chloe’s.

I also liked Vanessa Hudgen’s minimalist vintage Chanel column gown but would have liked it just a tad longer. I guess when you are offered vintage Chanel you go with the length they bring you. Oui oui!

Deepika Padukone was equally glam and stunning in an Audrey Hepburn-esque Louis Vuitton masterpiece complete with opera gloves. And will you look at that necklace?! One giant diamond was this girl’s best friend last night. Check. Mate.

Zuri Hall also donned opera gloves and her old-school meets edgy Tarik Ediz stunner checked all the boxes. I thought her hair and makeup were picture perfect too.

I’m including Julia Louis-Dreyfus here not because I loved her Lanvin gown (I do like it though) but because it fits the black theme and because she smiled for photos! What a rarity and what a shame that more of these glamazons never look happy in their enormously expensive gowns. Thank you Julia, and thank you for bringing your son as your date.

Adding some color the camel carpet (let’s see how many ways I can describe the “champagne” carpet just for fun!) were Kerry Condon, Ruth E. Carter, and Drew Afualo who brightened things up with shades of yellow. Condon’s single strap pleated mellow yellow gown with a flowing train was both whimsical and lovely. I thought Carter’s bright yellow gown with bright pink train lining and matching shoes was festive and fun and can see why she won Best Costume Designer. Influencer (ugh how I hate to write that but I did like her gown) Afualo matched Carter somewhat in shades of yellow and I not only loved her dress but loved the bow detail. In my quick search of who designed these three lovely ladies’ lovely gowns I came up empty so my apologies to whoever designed them.

Hollywood icon Sharon Stone wasn’t on the actual telecast khaki carpet, but she did turn heads at the post-awards Vanity Fair party in this stunning yellow caped dress with floral embroidery. I loved it so much I had to include it here. Some just know how to rule a carpet.

Also adding a color punch were nominated Makeup Artist Linda Eisenhamerova and Producer Victoria Alonso whose hot pink what looks like a satin gown I would wear and whose cobalt blue beauty with a sheer cape was perfect for the occasion and perfect for her. I also swooned over Eisenhamerova’s gold pumps and matching clutch. Nicely done ladies.

Subtle trains on otherwise subtle dresses also caught my eye, including Jessica Chastain’s silver sequins Gucci with black-embellished plunging neckline and black velvet lined train and Hong Chau’s oh-so-pretty-in-pink sleeveless Prada column with a fun feathery black train. I also surprisingly loved Chastain’s matchy-matchy necklace and thought her hair and makeup were flawless.

Speaking of glitter, and if you know me you know I love the stuff, I feel obliged to include Sigourney Weaver here in her gold Givenchy. I thought it was fun yet age-appropriate (can I still say that these days?).

Okay…now for the men. They were, for the most part, either very classic (which I love) or very “push the envelope” (which I don’t) so I’m going with just three: Samuel L. Jackson in Georgio Armani, Austin Butler in Saint Laurent, and Michael B. Jordan in Louis Vuitton.

Couples didn’t seem to be as big a thing this year but I always love what Willow Bay choses and she and spouse Bob Igor were once again smart and stylish. And talk about real smart and real stylish; Penn and NYU graduate Willow is yes, a former model, but also a former television journalist, editor, and author who in 2017 became dean of the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. Igor definitely out-kicked his coverage on this one.

I will say I didn’t looove Jamie Lee Curtis’ dress…something about the corseted tubing in the middle. Thinking I would have loved it way more without that embellishment but I did love how it played off her aging gracefully hair.
And now for the “What Were You Thinking?” awards. I can’t really pick a “worst dressed” but these are all in contention.

No words here. Too long. Too low cut. Too much. Sorry Zuhair Murad; on someone else maybe. On petite Eva Longoria. Not so much.

Yawn. For a beautiful woman whose husband is president and CEO of one of the world’s largest luxury brand conglomerates, Salma Hayek’s taste and choice of fashion forever baffles me. Including orangey-red, sequined, tasseled Gucci. Of all the choices she must have had she went with this. Hmmm…

I get it. The concept was maybe good but the execution was not. Again, just too much. I’m no designer but I’m thinking maybe get rid of the black fabric draping below Elizabeth Banks’ waist and just go with a white lower half, black bodice, and black train. Just a thought. Thought her hair and makeup were good though. Very Sharon Stone-ish.

No idea who Florence Pugh is but I’ve seen this pic everywhere today. Again, I get it; you’re young and wanting to do something different for the Oscars. Black biker shorts with seemingly endless Valentino white draping maybe pushed it too far though. It seems to have worked publicity-wise but that’s not always a good thing.

I’m all for sparkly, but this Louis Vuitton Kate Hudson said yes to was a no even for me. She said yes to this dress??? I don’t even know where to start. The sleeves? The fabric? The fit? The all of the above?

Pretty Kimberly Williams was not so pretty in this ‘80s prom-like pink voluminous gown. Giving some grace here as the dress that the pink cape covered was okay…except for the feathers that lined the hem…so maybe there’s hope. She’s such a pretty girl.

Very disappointed in Halle Berry in this Tamara Ralph choice as she’s often one of my faves. Maybe I’d like it more without the obnoxiously high slit. Maybe I’d like it more if she went tasteful not trendy. Less is more but I would have liked to have seen more elegance and less “look at me, look at me.” Not a fan of her hair either.

Don’t know who Jessie Buckley is but no. Just no.

And now for the question everyone seemed to be asking, “what happened to the red carpet?” Your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you; the carpet all of the above strolled down was not red, it was champagne. Yep, for the first time since 1961 the famous red carpet was anything but and it was also covered this year. The sienna-colored tent and neutral carpet were said to be chosen to convey “watching the sunset on a white-sand beach at the golden hour with a glass of champagne in hand, evoking calm and peacefulness” according to one of the event’s creative consultants.
You can’t make this stuff up. Only in Hollywood. Now back to reality.