Beyond Words

Earlier this year my husband and I celebrated our 40^th wedding anniversary and commemorated it last month with a wonderful trip to Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. We had a blast but I gotta say, wherever we went we were asked the same question, “What’s the secret to staying married so long?”

 

It got me thinking.

 

What is the secret? For me, it all comes down to “The Big C:” commitment. You must be committed to your marriage and your spouse. For richer, for poorer, right? Granted, all of this pertains to healthy relationships. Any sign of abuse and things are off the table.

 

My list of Cs continue with Communication, Compromise, Compassion, Common interests, and Comedy. You have to have laughter and joy!

 

From there I like to say the other “C” is “Corinthians,” as in the Book of Corinthians scripture, particularly 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  You’ve all heard it, the famous “Love is patient, love is kind” passage. As a college student I had to memorize it for initiation and as a bride we included the reading in our wedding mass. I love it and I love the idea of replacing “love” with either your name or your spouse’s. If you’re contemplating someone as a potential spouse, it’s always a good idea to put their name in place of it too. Try it:

 

 

 

Powerful, right?

 

 

 

From there I’d go to the “Fs:” Flexible, Forgiving, Faithful, and Fun. Yep; there’s that fun again! Strong and happy couples play together…and play separately. Hubby has his boys golf trips and weekly tee times and I have my girls trips, book club, and prayer groups. When you expand and grow as a person through outside and separate activities, your relationship does too. You never want to live parallel lives though, just two lives that thrive together and thrive individually. Build lives but also build in rituals of connection. You are a team. Play as one. At the same time, don’t keep score and always think of “winning.” You are on the same team.

 

 

And the faithful part? I’m 100 percent convinced that it is the holy grail glue that keeps a marriage rock-solid rather than rocky. Pray people. Pray!

 

It all sounds fairly cut and dry and simple, right? But in between all of that, spouses also have to be kind, thoughtful, grateful, accountable, respectful, trustworthy, reliable, fair, and adaptable. All the money in the bank and fancy cars and houses are nothing without them. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100. Some days you’ll carry 80 percent and others 20 percent. It’s called partnership.

 

 

I also like these six traits of happily married couples I saw online: together out of choice; shared values, beliefs, interests, and goals; express anger clearly and respectfully; share physical attraction; and support each other’s goals, interests, and careers. Amen to all that!

 

 

Marriage takes a lot. A lot of love, a lot of patience, and a lot of work. A happy couple is not a “perfect couple” and anyone who says they are, is lying. Instead, a happy couple is a couple that learns to enjoy each other’s quirks and differences and works on creating special moments even out of the simplest of times and things.

 

Everyone talks about being “in love,” but it’s important to remember that love is a verb, not just a feeling. You must love someone as feelings fade. And never stop loving and dating each other. Surprises can be fun and gifts for no reason go a long way.

 

Here some more powerful tips and traits partially from marcandangel.com:

1. Practice self-care as individuals. Stay healthy. What you see in the mirror is what you see in your relationship. Joy comes from within. The first step to having a healthy relationship with someone else is to have a healthy relationship with yourself. Your goals should be to have good relationship, but a good and healthy relationship too…in every sense of the word. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.
2. Stand together. Don’t let outsiders call the shots and never criticize each other in front of others.
3. Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s. Remember, no one’s marriage or life is perfect.
4. Intimacy…about everything…makes relationships last. This includes the lovey-dove stuff but also honest communication and openness about concerns, fears, sadness, hopes, dreams, and happiness.
5. Accept each other without trying to change each other. The deepest craving of humans is the need to be appreciated and feeling like you aren’t what they want you to be will always end in disappointment, not change.
6. Make uninterrupted time for each other. If you neglect your relationship, your relationship will neglect you.
7. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Share your thoughts. The more that remains unspoken, the greater the risk for problems. Most relationship problems start with bad communication but remember communication isn’t about being right, it’s about being understood.
8. Listen intently without judgement and not just to reply, but to understand. Look at things from your partner’s perspective as wells as your own. Don’t get defensive as it kills connection.
9. Don’t play games with each other’s heads or hearts.
10. Cheer for each other. Celebrate accomplishments, encourage each other, and compliment each other including in front of and with others.
11. Negotiate and compromise on joint matters and review and discuss goals often. Share power where beneficial and respect each other’s strengths.
12. Don’t play the blame game. Blaming is a copout that accomplishes nothing.
13. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Breathe, walk away, and give yourself time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.
14. Swallow your pride and apologize authentically and immediately. Make up quickly after an argument and forgive daily. Holding onto grudges poisons a marriage. Let things go. Sometimes peace is more important than being right.
15. Practice patience and forgiveness daily; both of which are vital in relationships.
16. Offer attention, awareness, effort, and respect daily.

 

 

I also think it’s important to look at the positives in your spouse and not just the negatives. Take time daily to reflect on their good qualities and the positive aspects of your bond. Do I love that my husband likes listening to the Grateful Dead? No, but I love that he likes watching sports. Does he love that I’m an overthinker and planner? Nope, but he loves that he can count on me for details. It’s a balance. Try paying more attention to the parts of your marriage that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. They are often the sources of your strength and keys to a satisfying, lasting bond.

 

 

Ours has definitely had its ups and down but we’ve powered through and are so proud and happy we have. Working together through the hard times almost always make relationships stronger in the end. Is the romance still there after 40 years? Uh, not so much, but we could be considered each other’s best friends (although I always need my daughter and my girls and he needs his homies), which is good because research suggests that spouses who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed. We feel comfortable and close and at this point that’s all that matters.

 

 

Our differences at this point are minor. Yes, he’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert. He loves the music in songs and I love the words. He’s 13 years sober and I still enjoy my wine. I like everything in its place and he’s a leave it just about anywhere kinda guy. Ultimately though, we have more in common at this point than we have differences. Forty years together does that to you. He’s made me a better person and I’m pretty sure I’ve done the same for him.

 

We’ve also jointly raised one heck of a daughter who makes us proud and makes us happy. Remember though that in a marriage, your kids are not your priority; your marriage is. A healthy marriage will most often result in healthy kids and the best gift you can give them is a strong marriage. They will thank you later for being the role models all kids need and deserve.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong; we are not all smiles and roses. We have our battles and considering that he’s a Yankee and I’m Latin, they can get heated. Neither of us shy away from words or jabs, but somehow someway we always figure it out. In times like these I like to ask myself, “will this matter in a year’s time?” Or a month’s time. Or even a week’s time.

 

Egos have a sneaky way of getting in the way but it’s imperative that you respect your spouse more than your ego. Egos destroy marriages; humility builds them. I remember the saying “It’s hard to be humble when you’re a Sooner” when I was in college, but humility is probably one of the most important virtues out there. Practice it. Be it.

 

 

Lastly, I recently listened to Mel Robbins’ podcast on marriage advice during which she spoke with spouses and doctors Julie and John Gottman and boy was it good! And BTW: if you haven’t read Robbins’ “Let Them” book, get it today!

 

Okay, so the Gottmans are often considered the world’s leading experts on love and what it takes to make a relationship work. One of their most famous research studies consisted of having couples talk about a conflict issue for 15 minutes. From there, they could predict with almost 90 percent accuracy whether they would divorce or stay together and if they stayed together, how happily married or unhappily married they would be. Here are the four things they say will blow up your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. In their expert opinion contempt, which they describe as an air of superiority, entitlement, and being better than the other, is actually the most harmful and the best predictor of relationship demise.

 

So, avoid those at all costs and also commit to what they highly recommend: honoring each other, expressing gratitude, respect, trust, warmth, kindness, humor, listening, affection, and keeping conflicts calm and constructive. If during one you feel you are imploding, tell your partner you need a break and that you will come back to continue the conversation but do so in no more than 24 hours. Don’t stonewall!

 

 

So there you have it, a lengthy take on “the secret to staying married so long.” I know it’s a lot but take what works for you and revisit it anytime. You’ll probably gain something new from it each time you do. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a Receipe for a Happy Marriage and some wisdom from Bob Marley; wisdom I remind myself of every time that Latin temper wants to rear its ugly head! Enjoy!

 

Recipe For A Happy Marriage
4 cups of Love
2 cups of Loyalty
Heaping helping of Faith
3 cups of Kindness
4 cups of Understanding
1 cup of Friendship
5 spoonfuls of Hope

1 barrel of Laughter
Pinch of Forgiveness (no substitutions)
Dash of Thoughtfulness (not optional)
Take love and loyalty and mix thoroughly with faith.
Blend in kindness and understanding, add friendship and hope.
Sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Garnish with forgiveness and thoughtfulness.
Serve daily with generous helpings.

 

 

 

Sometimes dreams do come true. I’ve dreamt of writing a specific children’s book for years and am proud (and humbled) to say I’m an official author! My children’s book, “Puddles the Duck Learns to Believe” is now available for purchase (see below for details) and I’m still pinching myself. In a way, I can’t believe I’m even writing this. Wake me up.

 

 

I’ve always been a lover of books…real books not audio books…since I was young and discovered “Nancy Drew Mysteries.” My dream room is the library with ladders in “My Fair Lady” or to own a private bookstore where I’d host book clubs and provide a yummy coffee bar. Although those dreams will likely never come true, the dream of writing a book has.

 

So, what is my beloved book about and how did it come about?

 

 

 

“Puddles the Duck Learns to Believe” is about a sweet duck named Puddles who isn’t like the other ducks and animals. You see, Puddles was born with a left wing and foot that are weaker than her right ones, making some things hard and even impossible for her to do. But despite disappointment and discouragement, Puddles gains courage and learns that not only is she strong, she’s brave and special too.

 

 

The book is based on my daughter Kristen’s disability and her beloved stuffed animal she named Puddles. Diagnosed at three-months-old, she learned the value of conquering and overcoming adversity from nearly birth. This has served her well throughout her life as she faced everything from childhood dance classes to middle school mean girls to hauling luggage through many an airport and hotel. As Romans 5:3-4 tells us though, “Our suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character.” Amen.

 

 

Like Puddles, Kristen visited many doctors, did PT and OT, and adapted as she thrived in musical theatre classes, hunter-jumping and dressage, and even her high school golf team. I’ve always loved the above Winnie the Pooh quote and I love that Kristen never gave up or in and still doesn’t. She is also very empathetic to those who have any disability. I’m as proud of her as I am of my book.

 

 

It all started with a wonderful physical therapist and an amazing neurologist who at diagnosis told us her weakness was “idiopathic.” When we asked what the heck that meant, he graciously said “it’s how God wanted her.” Okay then. We can accept and deal with that. From that point forward and even into today, my message to Kristen was and is simply “Believe in yourself.” This is something Puddles learns to do in my book and something I hope it conveys to readers.

 

 

I remember that quote from the fabulous film “Forrest Gump” and how it resonated with me. So many kids today face struggles both physically and emotionally but their struggles can make them stronger and braver. Like Puddles, they know what it’s like to be laughed at, bullied, and just plain different. But if lead and taught by the right people and in the right way, they can overcome all of that just like Puddles does.

 

 

My vision of writing this book has been many years in the making. For so long I thought about just doing a simple self-created book online to give to Kristen. It had been on my “to do” list forever. Then something hit me and I thought, “why not do a real book?” Why not?

 

Basing it on a duck named Puddles was the easy part. When our daughter was born, a friend of my mother-in-law in Buffalo, New York sent our daughter a stuffed Jemima Puddle-Duck from the Beatrix Potter series as a little gift. She probably went into a store, saw a stuffed animal, and mailed it away never thinking it would become our daughter’s favorite thing. Kristen named her duck Puddles and Puddles went everywhere with her. One time we lost her in a hotel and panicked until management found Puddles safe and sound. Puddles went to college with her and studied abroad in Spain with her. Mom here has had to mend Puddles many times and today the once fluffy stuffed animal is literally hanging on by a thread and Kristen has put her away for safe keeping.

 

Meanwhile I put doing the book on my “26 for 26” list of goals for 2026 and vowed to get it done this year. I researched publishers, which was challenging to say the least. Somehow, I came upon Westbow Press and it felt like a match made in heaven. I had written the copy sometime back so now it was time to clean it up a bit and find an illustrator. Do I pay to have the publisher do so? Do I find a “for hire” artist? Do I know someone who might be interested?

 

 

After much thought and research, enter the talented Finnegan Hein. Finn, as I call him, is the son of a dear friend of mine who I taught preschool with many years ago. He’d created a clever and colorful comic strip called “Quip of the Iceberg” that I always enjoyed reading and I remembered I really liked his artwork for it. I contacted my friend and then Finn, and he was on board. I am forever grateful to him.

 

And now, all these months and even years later, here I am, a published author. No, it’s not a novel but rather a book geared for 3–8-year-olds but a book it is and it’s a book that this former preschool teacher who loved reading to her little three-year-olds hopes it finds its way into preschools everywhere.

 

 

Those preschoolers and all of our precious little ones need to know they are all special just as they are and they don’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect and anyone who claims to be is either lying or in denial. Perfection is overrated and unachievable. But, it’s amazing that like Puddles, if you believe in yourself, you can achieve so much. Learn to believe!

 

 

“Puddles the Duck Learns to Believe” is available online at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other sites as well as at my publisher’s bookstore: www.westbowpress.com/en/bookstore. Just search for the title or my name and you should be good to go. To anyone who orders it, thank you from the bottom of my author heart.

 

 

 

 

Happy “Flag Day” everyone!  Did you even know today, June 14, is Flag Day…every year?  What are we really celebrating anyway?  Seems we’re all very familiar with the Fourth of July, traditionally celebrated as America’s birthday, but a whole day just to celebrate our nation’s flag?  That, my friends, is a whole different story.

 

Our country has one flag and one flag only that unifies us and we should never forget that. Just a simple visit with any foreigner visiting the country, as we are seeing with the current influx of World Cup fans, and you’ll discover how amazed and impressed they are to see American flags proudly hanging everywhere. No other symbol in the world stands for freedom, liberty, and the sacrifices people have made for those values like the American flag and it should be honored and respected. So much so that it has a whole day to celebrate it!

 

The flag of the United States is not one design but a living document, officially changed 27 times as the nation grew. It has a long history and here is how the National Flag Foundation documents the evolution of the Stars and Stripes.

 

 

The first flag to represent the united colonies was not the Stars and Stripes at all. The Continental Colors, often called the Grand Union Flag carried the 13 red and white stripes we still know, but in place of stars its canton held the British Union flag. It captured the colonies’ position at the time: united in resistance, not yet declaring full separation.

 

 

 

On June 14, 1777, the Continental Congress passed the Flag Resolution: “Resolved, that the flag of the United States be 13 stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constellation.”  The date of the resolution is why we celebrate Flag Day today on June 14.

 

 

 

It didn’t last long however and when Vermont and Kentucky joined the union, Congress updated the flag the only way that seemed fair: a star and a stripe for each new state. The 1795 flag carried 15 of each, and it is the single most famous version of the flag ever made. It was a 15-star, 15-stripe garrison flag that flew over Fort McHenry in September 1814 and moved Francis Scott Key to write “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

 

But the arithmetic had a problem. The nation kept growing, and a flag that added a stripe per state would eventually look like pinstripes.

 

The Flag Act of 1818 settled the design logic that still governs the flag today, returning the stripes permanently to 13 in honor of the original colonies and adding one star for each new state. New stars are added on the Fourth of July following a state’s admission. From then on, the stripes told the story of the founding and the stars told the story of the growth.

 

Change was not over however, as through the 19th century the star field changed constantly as the map filled in, and there was still no official arrangement. It took an executive order by President Taft in 1912 to standardize the flag’s proportions and the orderly rows of stars for the 48-star flag, which then served through two World Wars and 47 years, the record at the time.

 

Alaska’s statehood brought a 49-star flag on July 4, 1959. It lasted exactly one year, the shortest-serving star count of the modern era, because Hawaii was right behind. On July 4, 1960, the 50-star flag was raised for the first time.

 

 

 

The 50-star flag has now flown for more than six decades, far longer than any earlier version. Every previous design was a snapshot of a growing country; this one has become the fixed image of America, was carried to the Moon, planted at the poles, folded into 13 ceremonial triangles at military funerals, and raised over every statehouse each morning.

 

 

 

Most of us are familiar with Betsy Ross as she is widely considered to have made the first American flag. The flag’s 13 alternating red and white stripes and a blue field with 13 five-pointed stars arranged in a circle was attributed to Ross, who is popularly believed to have sewn this first flag in 1776. This claim however, is based on legend rather than definitive historical evidence.

 

 

 

Giving its history and all it represents, respect and honor for our flag is earned. The U.S. Flag Code, which formalizes and unifies the traditional ways in which we give respect to our nation’s flag, contains specific instructions on flying and caring for a flag. They include:

• The flag should never be dipped to any person or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress signal.
• The flag should not be used as a drapery, for covering a speaker’s desk or platform, for draping a platform, or for any decoration in general. Bunting of blue, white and red stripes is available for these purposes. The blue stripe of the bunting should be on the top.
• The flag should never have placed on it or attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind.
• The flag should be cleaned and mended when necessary.
• When a flag is so worn, it is no longer fit to serve as a symbol of our country and should be destroyed by burning in a dignified manner.

 

Note: Most American Legion Posts regularly conduct a dignified flag burning ceremony, often on Flag Day. Many Cub Scout packs and Boy and Girl Scouts troop sometimes also retire flags appropriately. Contact your local American Legion Hall or scout troop to inquire about the availability of this service.

 

 

 

Displaying the Flag Outdoors

• When the flag is displayed from a staff (pole) or projecting from a window, balcony, or building, the union (stars area) should be at the top of the staff unless the flag is at half-staff.
• When displaying the flag against a wall whether vertically or horizontally, the flag’s union should be at the top, to the flag’s own right and the observer’s left.
• When the flag is displayed over a street, it should be hung vertically, with the union to the north or east.
• When flown with flags of states, communities, or societies on separate flag poles that are of the same height and in a straight line, the flag of the United States is always placed in the position of honor – to its own right. The other flags may be smaller but none may be larger. No other flag ever should be placed above the American flag.
• When flown with the national banner of other countries, each flag must be displayed from a separate pole of the same height and flag should be the same size.

 

Raising and Lowering the Flag

• When the flag is lowered, no part of it should touch the ground or any other object and it should be received by waiting hands and arms. To store the flag, it should be folded neatly and ceremoniously.
• When flown with flags of states or communities, the U.S. flag is always the first flag raised and the last one lowered. When flown with flags of other countries, all flags should be raised and lowered simultaneously.
• The U.S. flag should be raised briskly and lowered slowly and ceremoniously. Ordinarily it should be displayed only between sunrise and sunset and should be illuminated if displayed at night.  As it is hoisted and lowered, the flag is saluted. The salute is held until the flag is unsnapped from the halyard or through the last note of music, whichever is the longest.

 

The Salute

• To salute our flag, all persons come to attention. Those in uniform give the appropriate formal salute while citizens not in uniform place their right hand over their heart. Head covers should be removed and held over left shoulder with hand over the heart.

 

The Flag in Mourning

• The flag is to be flown at half-staff in mourning upon presidential or gubernatorial order.
• To place the flag at half-staff, hoist it to the peak for an instant and lower it to a position half way between the top and bottom of the staff. The flag is to be raised again to the peak for a moment before it is lowered.
• When used to cover a casket, the flag should be placed with the union at the head and over the left shoulder. It should not be lowered into the grave.

 

 

So, you want to buy and fly an American flag? Sadly, most American flags are made overseas, with only a few companies producing them in the USA. These companies emphasize quality and support for American jobs by ensuring their flags are made entirely in the United States. When you are looking for a quality American flag to proudly display your heritage and belief in this great country, make sure you are looking specifically for American flags made in the USA. It’s a simple Google to find one.

 

 

 

 

Pledging allegiance

“I pledge allegiance, to the flag of the United States of America…” We know it by heart but do we know the origin of this allegiance to our flag? It appropriately all started in a school.

 

 

 

 

On September 8, 1892, the Boston based “The Youth’s Companion” magazine published a few words for students to repeat on Columbus Day of that year. Written by Francis Bellamy, the words were reprinted on thousands of leaflets and sent to public schools across the country. On October 12, 1892, the Quadricentennial of Columbus’ arrival, more than 12 million children recited this “pledge of allegiance,” beginning a required school-day ritual. It was not until 1942 however, that Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance. Today, 45 states have laws requiring public schools to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, while five states—Arizona, Hawaii, Nebraska, Wyoming, and Vermont—do not have such laws. However, Nebraska has a State School Board policy that requires the Pledge to be recited, even if not mandated by law.

 

In June of 1954 an amendment was made to add the words “under God” by President Dwight D. Eisenhower, who said “In this way we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America’s heritage and future; in this way we shall constantly strengthen those spiritual weapons which forever will be our country’s most powerful resource in peace and war.” Amen!

 

The Pledge of Allegiance should be rendered by standing at attention, facing the flag, and saluting.

 

 

 

And the flag was still there

It’s sadly reported that today more than half of Americans aren’t familiar with the words to our National Anthem and about 38 percent of American teens don’t know the actual name of the anthem is “The Star-Spangled Banner.” So, maybe now’s a good of time as ever to revisit just where all those unfamiliar words came from and how they relate to our flag.

 

In short, Georgetown lawyer Francis Scott Key wrote the poem “Defense of Fort McHenry,” which was later put to the tune of John Stafford Smith’s song “The Anacreontic Song” and retitled “The Star- Spangled Banner.”  The song slowly spread throughout the United States, gaining acceptance by citizens and the military alike until finally, in 1931, President Herbert Hoover declared the song to be the official National Anthem of the United States.

 

It all goes back to the War of 1812 and Britain’s attempts to regulate American shipping and other activities. At the star-shaped Fort McHenry in Baltimore and during heated battles between the two countries, Commander Major George Armistead asked for a flag so big that “the British would have no trouble seeing it from a distance.”

 

One subsequent night, young Key was on board a ship in the harbor watching the British bombardment of the Fort, which lasted through the night. Key believed the U.S. would win the war if the flag could be seen above the Fort at daybreak. The flag was indeed still flying when the sun rose, inspiring Key to write his famous words.

 

 

That very flag went on view for the first time on January 1, 1876 at the Old State House in Philadelphia for our nation’s Centennial celebration. It now resides in the Smithsonian Museum of American History Washington, D.C. An opaque curtain shields the now fragile flag from light and dust. The flag is exposed for viewing for a few moments once every hour during museum hours.

 

 

The actual copy that Key wrote in his hotel on September 14, 1814 remained in the Nicholson family for 93 years but was sold to Henry Walters of Baltimore. In 1934, it was bought at auction in New York from the Walters estate by the Walters Art Gallery of Baltimore for $26,400. The Walters Gallery sold the manuscript in 1953 to the Maryland Historical Society for the same price. Another copy that Key wrote is in the Library of Congress.

 

 

 

To this day, hearing it played or sung, especially by large respectful crowds, is enough to give chills.  I’m not a big soccer fan, but seeing our entire U.S.A. World Cup team hold their hands over their hearts during a recent singing of it before a match made me one!

 

When the National Anthem is played or sung, citizens should stand at attention and salute at the first note and hold the salute through the last note. Not being respectful of its playing by not standing or putting one’s hand over their heart is not only a general sign of disrespect but in my opinion, an indication you don’t deserve that same respect.

 

Also disrespectful, although not illegal, is the burning of an American flag. It gives me the “icks” just thinking of it.

 

 

 

Burning the U.S. flag is considered a form of protected speech under the First Amendment, as established by the Supreme Court in the 1989 case Texas v. Johnson. This ruling allows individuals to express political views through flag burning, despite it being a controversial act. Flag burning remains a potent symbol of political expression in the United States, yet it continues to evoke strong emotions and debates about the balance between free speech and respect for national symbols. For me, it’s a big no.

 

 

 

That’s a good question!

Q:  Why is the flag patch “backwards” on military uniforms?

A:  According to the Department of Defense website, when authorized for application to a proper uniform, the American flag patch is to be worn so the star field faces forward, or to the flag’s own right. When worn in this manner, the flag is facing to the observer’s right and gives the effect of the flag flying in the breeze as the wearer moves forward.

 

Q:  What exactly is a “rampart” mentioned in our national anthem?

A:  The definition of a rampart is “the defensive wall of a castle or city.” In the instance of “The Star Spangled Banner,” most believe Francis Scott Key was talking about the walls surrounding Fort McHenry.

 

Q:  What’s the difference between “half-staff” and “half-mast?”

A: Half-mast refers to flags flown on ships, where flags are typically flown from masts, while half-staff is the term used for flags on land. Both terms indicate that a flag is lowered as a sign of mourning or respect.

 

So, there you have it, everything you’ve wanted or maybe not wanted to know about Old Glory. And how glorious it is! Fly it. Respect it. Love it.

 

There’s a lot going on in sports right now with Stanley Cup and NBA playoffs as well as World Cup soccer and U.S. Open golf. I’m neither an NBA or soccer fan but I do enjoy watching golf and hockey. I also love tennis and have been obsessed with the French Open. Not only does it bring back memories of going to it with our daughter some years back (and meeting Nadal!), it has been so exciting. No Alcaraz at all, no Sinner or Djokovic in the final, and a qualifier in the women’s final. Wow! Can you imagine? Showing up (I’m not certain of the actual protocol) hoping to win maybe your first round and suddenly you are in a Grand Slam final. In Paris. Rumor has it that she, Maja Chwalinska from Poland, couldn’t afford a hotel room for so many nights and looked for one that would wait for her to receive her prize money. Crazy!

 

Someone who knows a lot about prize money and the French Open is Chris Evert, former world No. 1 and winner of 157 singles titles and 18 majors, including a record seven French Open titles. To say she’s a tennis and sports legend is an understatement.

 

 

Growing up playing tennis, Evert was always my favorite. I had her racket and her blue and white Converse shoes. She was everything to me and when I could afford one many years later, I also had a tennis bracelet. The bracelet actually has a fun connection to Evert.

 

 

 

During her years on tour, Evert began wearing a simple diamond bracelet to her matches. Nothing fancy or gaudy, just a simple row of small diamonds. Not a single tennis ball or racket to be found. She made sure the delicate diamond bobble was just loose-fitting enough to be flexible yet not fall off. She thought. Then in 1978 Evert was playing a U.S. Open match when all of a sudden, her bracelet fell off. Amazingly, play was suspended while Evert search for the piece, all while TV cameras and millions of fans watched. A legend begot a legend as similar designs have been called “tennis bracelets” ever since.

 

Before they were “tennis bracelets,” Cosmopolitan reports they were actually called “eternity bracelets” and were designed to express forever love. Kinda like beloved (excuse the pun!) Cartier Love Bracelets. They remained eternity bracelets for many years although were perhaps never as popular as today’s tennis bracelets. Once they officially became known as tennis bracelets, sales skyrocketed and demand had jewelers working overtime.

 

 

 

What’s beautiful about a tennis bracelet is that anyone can pull one off and one looks equally great either on its own or stacked with other bracelets and bangles…even Swifties can add one to their stacks! A tennis bracelet doesn’t scream “money” or “status” and the simple, sleek pieces are subtle but because of their history, they can be a statement piece as well. It’s truly a case of IYKYK.

 

Not only did Evert start a tennis bracelet trend, she may have started a jewelry with tennis wear trend. A Tiffany & Company spokesperson told the New York Times no one wore diamonds with sports ensembles before the tennis bracelet. Boy have times changed!

 

 

 

World No. 1 Aryna Sabalenka sported three necklaces reportedly worth more than $100,000 at this year’s French Open. The chokers sported more than 200 carats of garnets and 23 carats of diamonds, all of which were inspired by the red clay courts of the French Open. Tiffany lockets, Van Cleef and Arpels Alhambra pieces, diamond stud earrings, and high-end watches are also common today on players.

 

 

 

What’s also special about the tennis bracelet is that the dainty jewelry staple can be dressed up or dressed down. One looks perfectly fine with workout clothes or after getting dolled up and going out. It can beautifully dress up an otherwise cozy outfit with diamonds; which of course are a girl’s best friend, right?

 

Also wonderful is that you don’t have to break the bank to afford one. Yes, there are very high-end versions, but there are also much more affordable ones and budget-friendly dupes if you want one that bad. As with anything, the original is also being tinkered with.

 

 

 

New York-based jeweler Monica Rich Kosann has teamed up with Evert and has created a line of bracelets that yes, give credit to their original inspiration, but also add different gems and twists. The collection, and others jumping on the bandwagon, feature not just diamonds but colorful stones like peridot, aquamarine, and green tourmaline. My favorites are those with green emeralds that signify a tennis court’s traditional color and ones with a dangling diamond in reference to Evert’s “bead of sweat” in that fateful 1978 match.

 

I wouldn’t mind an emerald version being that it is my birthstone, but being the traditionalist that I am, I’m more than happy with my current tennis bracelet, which was my mom’s. It’s beyond special to me and represents not only beautiful jewelry but the woman who was behind me all those years I was chasing dreams of being the next Chris Evert. How ironic that the two women would unite elegantly on my wrist. As they should. Game. Set. Match.

Anyone who knows me knows I love a good spa day. Give me a jacuzzi, steam rooms, and a nice relaxing massage and I’m happy as a pig in mud. Our daughter feels the same way but she recently introduced me to something new over our birthdays weekend and I’m diving in head first…so to speak.

 

 

Have ya heard of Head Spas? I hadn’t until she mentioned going to one but boy am I sold. It was one of the most relaxing and invigorating hours I’ve had in a long time. Who doesn’t like their head rubbed and their scalp scratched?!

 

So, what are they? According to Zelene Spa, where went in Dallas, a Head Spa is a therapeutic scalp care treatment that focuses on detoxifying the scalp, relieving tension, and supporting nervous system wellness by incorporating cleansers, massage, and healing techniques to promote relaxation and scalp balance. What’s not to love, right?

 

 

I was heaven as I laid belly up with my head in a bowl facing up on an ergonomic bed in a warm blanket and robe as soothing music played. As I laid there, the technician first massaged my neck and shoulders then proceeded to scrub, rinse, scrub some more, wash, rinse, condition, and basically make my whole head happy. And come to find out, it’s all healthy.

 

Apparently signs of stress often show up first in the scalp as the scalp holds onto not only unhealthy flakes and dryness, but fatigue and overthinking. Who knew?! Headaches make perfect sense now, right? But by treating yourself to the simple yet powerful method, tension from your head, neck, and shoulders is released, proving that healing isn’t just skin-deep, it’s scalp-deep.

 

 

Many credit the Japanese for originating the Head Spa as much is based on ancient Japanese health and beauty practices rooted in Japanese culture. It combines tradition with innovation and offers a holistic experience that’s way more than a hair treatment. The tradition draws on Japanese roots…no pun intended…and offers a healing experience for the scalp, hair, and mind.

 

But, while modern treatments are associated with Japanese spas, the practice of therapeutic head treatments go back many years and through many cultures.

 

 

In fact, head spa treatments can be traced back more than 4,000 years with ancient civilizations recognizing the connection between scalp health and overall health. Wealthy aristocrats in ancient Egypt were known to receive head treatments using aromatic oils and specialized massage techniques and their Indian counterparts are believed to have developed head massage practices known as “Champi,” which is where we get the English word “shampoo.” It was, even back then, believed that head massage could improve circulation, reduce stress, and enhance mental clarity.

 

 

The Chinese have been on to them too. Scalp treatments focusing on acupressure points to promote “qi” or “life energy” in the body, have been part of traditional Chinese medicine forever. In fact, Chinese healers recognized that tension in the scalp and neck area may affect overall health so they developed techniques to release blockages and restore balance.

 

 

While the Bible does not explicitly mention head massage, it does refer to the practice of anointing the head with oil. The act is often associated with blessing and healing and I love that Biblical references to doing so include Psalm 23:5, where it signifies God’s blessings and care, and James 5:14, which instructs the elders of the church to anoint the sick with oil for healing. Additionally, All four gospels present an account of Jesus being anointed by a woman with a costly jar of perfume. It was believed that anointing was a sign of honor and consecration in ancient practices, often used to signify God’s approval or setting apart for a holy purpose.

 

 

 

But back to the Japanese as they are generally credited with the current Head Spa popularity. It should come as no surprise, as the country has always boasted cultural emphasis on meticulous self-care and attention to detail. Their methods evolved through traditional Japanese medicine called Kampo, which incorporates medicinal herbs and techniques to restore balance to the body. The multiple phases of treatment include deep cleansing, scalp massage, steam therapy, and specialized conditional treatments that fit hand-in-hand with processes reflected in broader Japanese cultural values like precision and quality.

 

 

 

It all came to Western cultures in the 1990s when Japanese salons began offering scalp treatments as a luxury experience. The idea took off full steam “a head!” Before you knew it, social media and influencers jumped on board and American and European spas began incorporating elements of head and scalp aromatherapy, reflexology, and other treatments into their offerings. The benefits of them are not all in our heads either.

 

 

Research has discover solid benefits of scalp massage and therapeutic head treatment. Studies revealed measurable improvements in circulation, stress reduction, and sleep quality among regular customers. Research into neurological benefits of scalp massage has also found measurable impacts on neurotransmitter production, cortisol levels, and sleep quality.

 

 

Men love it too ladies and one might be the perfect gift for a date night, birthday, anniversary, or Father’s Day.

 

So, what can you expect? Respected and authentic Head Spas (and do your research!) will include mental relaxation techniques as they incorporate deep-cleansing shampooing, nourishing conditioning, refreshing rinses…all as you lay back and relax in ergonomic beds designed to provide maximum comfort and relaxation. Most will also offer scalp analysis (I got one and it was mind-blowing!); either self-drying or professional hair drying; and massages to relieve tension in the neck, shoulders, and nape. Some may even offer personalized aromatherapy blends based on individual stress patterns; dietary recommendations; stress management techniques; and guided relaxation, breathing exercises, and mindfulness techniques.

 

 

And before anyone comes at me warning and wondering if this could conflict with certain values, philosophies, or beliefs; know that it doesn’t. I actually prayed during mine and our daughter slept. It’s all about optimizing benefits for hair health while providing incomparable relaxation. It’s that simple. Don’t read more into it. Instead, head on over to a nearby Head Spa-aaaah. You’ll be glad you did!

 

 

 

Country music star Eric Church recently gave a commencement speech at the University of North Carolina and it has gone viral. For good reason. 

 

Armed simply with his trusted guitar, Church brilliantly used its six strings as a powerful metaphor for the core pillars of life—faith, family, partnership, ambition, community, and individuality. In using them individually then collectively, he offered heartfelt wisdom on navigating the inevitable challenges of the real world, urging graduates to stay locally connected and protect their unique, authentic voices from outside comparison.

 

I felt compelled to share it in full as to try to paraphrase it in an original blog wouldn’t do it justice. I’m sharing it here in hopes that it will inspire any of you who haven’t already heard it or read it. The fact that he gave it on what was my birthday makes it all the more impactful to me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

 

‘Six Strings’

Eric Church’s 2026 Commencement Speech 

May 15, 2026

I’ve been grinding on this for a little bit about how to do it. I have torn up multiple speeches, I have thrown things, and in one of my fits of frustration, I sat down with a guitar and I thought, man, who am I kidding, I need to figure out a way to do this with a guitar.

 

So, if you’ll indulge me, I want to start with a sound. You know this sound; it’s a guitar that’s out of tune. Something that almost gets there, that tries, but doesn’t. And some ancient, honest part of your brain knows it immediately. You don’t need training to hear it, you just know. That sound is the sound of something beautiful that has not been tended to.

 

Six strings. When all six are in tune, the chords they make can stop a conversation cold, carry a broken person through the worst night of their life, or make a room full of strangers feel for three minutes like they’ve known each other forever. And if even one is off, the whole chord unravels. Not gradually, not politely, the moment you strike it, you know.

 

I believe your life runs on this principle. And I’m going to break it down for you right now and tell you about your strings, okay?

 

String One: The Low E — Your Foundation

String one, the low E, that is your foundation. The low E is the thickest string. It is the heaviest. Every chord a guitar can make rests on this string being in tune. Your faith is the low E of your life. The thing that sits at the very bottom of you. Your belief about what this life is for, what you owe, what holds the universe together when science reaches the edge of its own explanation, and shrugs.

 

The people who tend to their faith in ordinary seasons do not come undone in extraordinary ones. They still hurt. They still sit in hospital waiting rooms asking unanswerable questions at three in the morning. But they have a foundation to return to.

 

The world will try to untune this string. Through busyness, through slow accumulation of a full schedule, a full inbox, a full life. Listen to me. Tend to your faith. Not just when you’re broken, but when you’re whole.

 

String Two: The A String — Family

String two. String two is family. Look out at these bleachers. Look around. Somewhere in that crowd is someone who has loved you longer than you’ve been easy to love. It’s true. Someone who saw you at your actual worst, not your public-facing worst, and didn’t leave you. Someone who worked a job they didn’t love to put a book in your hands you sometimes didn’t open. Someone who sat alone in a quiet house and cried the weekend you moved into dorms and wondered, “Have I done enough?” That is family.

 

And the A string is where the music starts to get warm. It gives a chord its body, its richness. It’s the string that makes you feel like you’re not alone in a room.

 

I want to warn you about something. You’re about to get busy in ways that feel important and many are. Professionally ambitious, creatively alive, building the life you’ve been pointed toward for four years. And family, because they love you with the grace you will spend most of your life trying to deserve, will rarely demand your time. They’ll tell you they understand. And they’ll mean it. Do not take them up on it.

 

Call your people. Not when there’s news. Not when there’s nothing. Show up when it costs you something. Let them see you when things are hard. The A string is not a holiday string. It’s an everyday string. Protect it.

 

String Three: The D String — The Heart of a Chord

The D string, the heart of a chord. On a guitar, the D string sits right at the heart of the instrument, in the middle of the low and high strings, giving the chord its body and its soul. To rock a full chord in a D string is what you feel in the center of your chest. That is not an accident.

 

The Right Partner: Your Most Important Decision

That is exactly what the right spouse and partner will do for your life. The person you choose to share your life with is the most important decision you will ever make outside of your faith. They will either amplify every other string you’re playing, or slowly pull the whole instrument into an out-of-tune mist. Not that I know that. I love you, honey.

 

Find your best friend, someone you want to talk to at the end of a long day. Look for shared values over shared interests. You don’t need to love the same food or music. You need the same compass. Though it would be a benefit if you both hated NC State. That wasn’t in the speech. I added it. I’m throwing it in there.

 

The right partner is the string that makes the whole chord ring fuller and warmer and truer than anything you could ever play alone. Choose them wisely, and then love them fiercely.

 

The G String: Ambition, Resilience, and Getting Back Up

The G string. That’s what it’s called. Sorry. I didn’t name the damn thing. That’s just what it is. The G string drifts faster than the others on a guitar. I can promise you that is true. I have dealt with it my whole life. It’s because ambition and resilience both live on this string, and they pull in opposite directions.

 

I want you to want things. You should want things. You should love things. The world has more than enough people standing at the edge of their own potential waiting for a permissions lift that was never going to arrive. Want the thing. Say it out loud. Build toward it with everything you have.

 

And when you fail, and you will fail. Hemingway wrote it plainly right in his sternum: “The world breaks everyone. Afterward, the best of us are stronger at the broken places.” Get back up. Tune the string. Keep playing.

 

The B String: Community Over Performance

The B string is about community. Your generation faces the temptation no generation before has ever faced. The temptation to perform for everyone and belong to no one. To be globally visible and locally invisible. To have thousands of followers and no one actually knows where you live.

 

Resist this. Plant yourself somewhere. Put down roots with the full intention of growing there. Learn the actual names, not usernames, of the people around you. Volunteer. Coach the team. Build the thing your community needs, even if the internet will never see it.

 

Generosity is not something you do after you make it. It’s how you make it. If you get lost, and at some point I promise you, you will. You have a place you belong now. Come back. Walk through the quad on a fall day. Or sit on Franklin Street on a game day. And remember, these are my people. Because I am a Tar Heel.

 

My last tour took me 42,185 miles over North America. And every single night, near and far, someone had on a Carolina flag, a Carolina hat, or a Carolina jersey. You will find yourselves, speaking from experience, high-fiving strangers wearing Carolina gear in faraway airports. Or staying up across time zones to catch the last moments of a game. Or canceling a show in Texas to be with your people in the Final Four as you vanquish Coach K. You’re welcome. And having the ultimate pride knowing that’s the night my boys learned the Carolina fight song ends with, “Go to Hell, Duke.” It’s true. Carry this community with you as you plant your roots. It will reap a bountiful harvest and make your song richer and fuller.

 

The High E String: Carrying the Melody Against the Pressure

And finally, the high E string. This is the thinnest string. It’s the highest note. The one that carries the melody, that single line above the chord that everyone in this room recognizes and takes with them on the way home. It’s also the one bent most easily by outside pressure.

 

Social media is going to show you a thousand versions of a life that looks better than yours. The comparison will be relentless, curated, and a lie dressed up in really good lighting.

 

Don’t Let Anyone Retune Your String. Someone’s comment, someone’s criticism, someone’s cold opinion is going to try to convince you to retune yourself to match what they think you should sound like. Do not let them touch your string.

 

You were made uniquely, wonderfully, distinctly. There’s a sound only you can make, a voice that has never existed before you and will never exist again. A contribution only you can bring, a way of seeing that belongs to only you. The world does not need another cover song. It needs an original.

 

Six Strings: The Chord Your Life Makes

Six strings. Six strings of life and willingness to keep them in tune. Six principles, six pillars. When all six are in tune with each other, the chord your life makes is full and resonant and true.

 

All six will drift, not one or two, all six, in their own time, in their own season. Your faith will go quiet when you need it loud. Your family will get complicated in a way only the people who love you most can complicate things. You will go through hard seasons with your spouse. Your ambition will hollow out and your resilience will wear thin. Your community will start to feel like an obligation and your world will try to sand down the edges of exactly who you are.

 

This is not failure. This is not weakness. It’s the inevitable, universal experience of living in an imperfect world that doesn’t stop to let us tune up.

 

And the difference between a life that sounds like music and a life that sounds like noise is whether you stop and listen. Whether you’re honest enough to hear which string has drifted out of tune and humble enough to make the adjustment instead of just turning up the volume and hoping nobody notices.

 

Because you will notice. The part of you that knows what the chord should sound like will always notice. It will not let you go. Life won’t be right until it is tuned. Trust what your heart hears and is telling you about your song.

 

Play Your Song

 

So graduates, now I encourage you to take your six strings, make it something worth hearing, and play your song.

 

We’ve all heard the saying “Find a penny pick it up; all day long you’ll have good luck.” Well, today on my walk with our Beagle Nick (and yes, we’ve applied to adopt one of the 1,500 abused beagles recently rescued) there it was on the curb: a somewhat shiny copper coin. I immediately picked it up and said the saying.

 

Well, did you know the saying has a second part? The rest says “Give it to a faithful friend; then your luck will never end.” It’s a powerful message as is another saying on a penny that we often overlook: “In God We Trust.” Yep, every time you see a penny you might have good luck and you get a gentle reminder to trust God. It’s not always easy though, is it? Penny for your thoughts on this?

 

For reasons I won’t go into here, lately I’ve been struggling with that. Yes, I say a million times “Jesus, I trust in You” as we’re reminded through the Divine Mercy, but mercy me, give me a sign!

 

 

Today’s penny reminded me of all this as I read a blog from Tania Stephens who wrote the tiny penny is not flashy or loud, but we can use one to serve as a reminder to surrender and trust. Even if it’s only one cent.

 

 

Easy to read but harder to live out, right? I do ask the Lord for guidance every day and all day but when I hear silence or “wait” instead of “yes,” I struggle. Then I remember Psalm 25:1 that reads, “In you Lord my God, I put my trust.” Say it out loud. Stop the worrying and the doubting. Stop trying to control the outcome. Into His hands release it all.

 

As Tania reminded me, trusting God doesn’t mean we never have questions, it doesn’t mean we don’t overthink and catastrophize, and it doesn’t mean we never feel afraid or angry. As my Bible study friends once so supportively and affirmingly told me, “He knows you’re angry Carla and He’s okay with that.”

 

Amen and Alleluia.

 

These least of our monetary system are actually somewhat priceless and worth more than you think when you consider the powerful words on each one. Sadly, so many overlook them and don’t think a penny is worth picking up. I hope to change that.

 

So, I’ve decided I’m going to hang on to the penny I found today and maybe I’ll start dropping pennies here and there for others, and those faithful friends mentioned in the saying, to find. It’s all starting to make cents.

 

 

About Those Pennies

The penny was one of the first coins made by the U.S. Mint after its establishment in 1792. Its current design has President Abraham Lincoln on the “obverse” heads side and the “E Pluribus Unum” Union Shield on the reverse tails side.

 

 

The coin has gone through many designs since its inception as a representation of one-hundredth of a dollar. The U.S. Mint’s official name for it is “cent” and the U.S. Treasury’s official name for it is “one cent piece.” What we call a “penny” is derived from the British coin called a “pence.”

 

 

The “In God We Trust” appeared for the first time on pennies when the U.S. Congress passed the Act of March 3, 1865 authorizing the use of the motto.

 

The future of pennies has been debated often and the fluctuating price of copper periodically caused a penny shortage as people hoarded them for their perceived value.  As a result, the U.S. Treasury lost tens of millions of dollars ever year producing pennies including a reported $85.3 million in losses for producing nearly 3.2 billion pennies through 2024 fiscal year. It’s currently estimated that the cost to mint one cent was 3.69 cents. I’m no math major but that doesn’t make cents!

 

 

That same year about a quarter trillion pennies were estimated to be in circulation equally more than 700 pennies for each person in the U.S. That’s a lot of pennies but sadly many Americans simply throw pennies away and most modern vending machines don’t even take them. Most Americans don’t actually spend pennies at all but rather keep them in a basket or drawer at home, or return them to a bank, or cash them in at coin counting kiosks. What all this means is that pennies must be continuously replaced with newly minted…and costly…copper coins. This is done so for them more than any other coins.

 

A solution was in need.

 

 

It takes an act of Congress literally to fix things and In April of 2025 the “Common Cents Act” bill was introduced to formalize an end to penny production for general circulation and require cash transactions to be rounded to the nearest nickel. That same year President Trump instructed Secretary of the Treasure, Scott Bessent, to halt penny production. Sadly, no bill to eliminate or cease production of the penny has yet passed but Bessent has the authority to suspend coin production upon determining new ones are no longer needed.

 

Regardless of how one feels about it, in May of last year the U.S. Treasury announced that the Mint had stopped purchasing penny planchets and production would cease. The last penny produced for general circulation was minted at the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia on November 12, 2025 and the Federal Reserve stated it would continue to recirculate pennies for “as long as possible.”

 

What does all this mean? It means those pennies you have are indeed priceless. So is the wording on them.

 

 

That wording is also found on all U.S. currency. In fact, “In God We Trust” is the official motto of the United States and was first added to coins in 1864. It became mandatory on all U.S. currency following a law passed in 1955. Picking up a $20 bill might not have the same “all day long you’ll have good luck” history to it, but it won’t hurt to read those words each time you see one. It might be worth your while.

 

 

One last little tidbit kinda related to all this: the Penny Loafer. I loved them in college. Bass Weejuns were all the rage and now I love knowing the coins were put in them were actually talismans of good luck.

 

Hisotrically, that wasn’t the intent of the laceless shoes introduced by G.H. Bass who based their style on Norwegian fishermen’s slip-ons nearly a century ago. The popular “Weejun” was named for its Norwegian roots. Who knew?! The design featured a leather strap across the top with a small cutout, which prep schoolers used to pop a penny in and the trend went viral. Voila! The “penny loafer” was born.

 

 

I enjoyed a regular quarterly brunch with former co-workers and friends of more than 40 years this past week and yeah, I did it. Yeah, I shared away, laughed away, listened away, and loved away but I also did something many would frown upon: I substituted the vinaigrette dressing that came with my salad and went with ranch dressing instead. Yep, good ole ranch. Who doesn’t love it and how did we survive without it?

 

 

I can pretty much eat it with anything and everything. Of course salads but also raw veggies, fries or chips, and don’t tell anyone in Buffalo, but I do like it with my wings…along with the standard Bleu Cheese…and pizza crust dip. I like it so much that a golfing buddy of mine who I see weekly orders some with her lunch just to share it with me. Now that’s a friend!

 

So, how did we live without it? Growing up, dressings in our home were homemade French, Thousand Island, or vinegar and oil. As much as I loved my mom’s makings back then, today I’m saying thank you to another salad dressing maker: Steve Henson.

 

Considering the fact that ranch dressing is a southern staple, it’s only appropriate that it was a plumber-turned-cowboy that started it all. Nebraska native Henson found himself in Alaska doing contract work in the 1950s, including that of part-time crew cook. Fresh and varied ingredients were hard to come by so Henson created something his crew members loved using dried herbs, spices, and powdered milk. That simple but the rest is salad dressing history.

 

 

By 1954 Henson and his high school sweetheart and wife Gayle were able to retire on 120 acres outside of Santa Barbara, California and started a dude ranch. They named it “Hidden Valley” and guests loved the steakhouse, outdoor activities, and homecooked meals, but it was the delicious salad dressing that they left talking about. It wasn’t long before they hounded Henson for jars of it to take home.

 

 

The demand was so great that the Hensons started a mail order business that led to packets of the dressing being sent all over the country.  Eventually the tangy concoction showed up in grocery store aisles and salad bars across America. Henson passed away in 2007 and Gayle in 1993, but their ingenuity and hard work paid off when In 1972 they sold Hidden Valley Ranch to Clorox for $8 million.

 

So, what is it about that creamy herb bottle of yumminess that’s a requirement at parties, tailgates, open houses, and events of all kinds and today has a cult-like following? Number one, it’s just good. Yeah, it may be considered gauche or icky by many, but you know you love it.

 

 

Today, the creamy concoction is America’s most popular salad dressing and is sold in more than 30 countries where it is often called “America’s Dressing. In fact, 40 percent of Americans consider ranch their favorite dressing and Hidden Valley Ranch products generate nearly $500 million in annual revenue.

 

Every brand has its version of ranch dressing but connoisseurs are loyal to Hidden Valley. I know I am. Its ingredients are not unique, with Caesar dressing, French Onion dip, and even alfredo pasta sauce sharing similar makings. By the 1980s, ranch dressing was available in grocery stores everywhere but things really began to take off in 1986 when popular brands started branding their products as “ranch” products, starting with Cool Ranch Doritos. I’m not a fan of them but millions were and are.

 

 

And it’s not all bad or unhealthy when it comes to the original thing. According to their website, many Hidden Valley products are gluten free and the company has a program where all products undergo schedules and rigorous testing. In addition, all products are manufactured in facilities with stringent allergen control programs to prevent cross-contamination, Finally, Hidden Valley Organic Ranch is made with USDA-certified organic and National Organic Program compliant ingredients and is made in the USA! What’s not to love?!

 

 

One question I’ve always had and maybe you do too is what’s the difference between the “salad dressing mix” and the “dip mix” and are they interchangeable? The answer is yes, depending on the texture you’re looking for. If you prefer a thicker dressing, use the dip mix. If you’re looking for a more pourable dressing, use the dressing mix.

 

 

Today Hidden Valley Ranch is a household name and is way more than something to drizzle over your salad. It’s an institution and a way of life for many. Just search “Ranch Dressing” on the internet and a slew of recipes will show up as well as countless videos and tutorials. I can’t help but wonder what cowboy Steve would think of his resulting empire and I’d venture to guess that a large percentage of American refrigerators have a bottle of it inside right now. As they say, you either love it or you really love it.

It’s hard to believe May is almost upon us. I swear it feels like we were just celebrating Valentine’s Day but here we are gazing ahead to Memorial Day. Which means, according to fashion etiquette of the golden age, you can start wearing white again. But is that still true or is it now considered a little white lie?

 

 

 

Those in the south have long said “hay-ull no” if asked about the rule and you could say the above Bergdorf-Goodman photo perfectly epitomizes their attitude about this. If there’s any place where societal rules are adhered to though, it’s the south but etiquette experts and even “Southern Living” readers agree that wearing white year-round is completely acceptable. It’s more about fabric and style than color.

 

 

 

What’s more yummy than winter white corduroy, wool pants, a cashmere sweater, or a down puffer when things are white as snow in many places? I’m pretty sure those in New England are also raising their hands and waving their white flags to the old-fashioned fashion rule. Come spring and summer, bring out those breezy white linen blouses, flattering white jeans, and flowy white dresses.

 

 

 

Shoes perhaps bring up a small dilemma. I for one steer away from white shoes in the winter although I may slip on a pair of cream flats if the weather and occasion permit. Purses and bags are the same. I do have a winter white purse I absolutely love and carry it throughout the year, depending on my mood.

 

For many decades this wasn’t the case. There seemed to be a hard-fast Memorial Day and Labor Day rule fashionistas lived by. No white after Labor Day and no white before Memorial Day. In the south and southwest however, it can still be extremely hot in September and even October. I remember many a Halloween when our poor little daughter sweated in her costume.

 

Thankfully, a new thought arose. Excuse the pun…

 

 

Today anyone who wants a “no white” rule favors Easter being the start date for wearing white without worrying about breaking any said rules. Amen to that! When you think about it, it makes sense. Easter for many is the unofficial dawning of spring, new life, and white is even its official color as it represents purity and grace. If it’s okay to don pastel dresses and Easter bonnets then, why not white ones too?

 

So how did all this start? Although a thing of the past, the once unbendable rule has a very distinguished past.

 

 

 

It all started primarily in the 19^th and early 20^th centuries among the wealthy in New York City as a way to signify social class and seasonal change. Come Memorial Day, society would flock en masse from the city to the country and seaside and their heavier city clothes were left behind. Wardrobes were kept separate and come fall, summer resort clothes were put away and stored until next year, making way for the more formal city clothes.

 

 

 

But as Bob Dylan so beautifully sang, the times they are a changing. In fact, they’ve changed. That rule now seems not only impractical but outdated. Yeah, compliance and loyalty to it may exist somewhere, but in general the weight of the fabric and the style of the garment are more important than the color.

 

 

 

Thankfully Wimbledon is played in July as the historic and celebrated tennis tournament still requires players to wear almost entirely white clothing as part of its strict dress code. This all-white rule was mandated in 1870 as a way to minimize the visibility of sweat stains, which were considered improper at the time.

 

Much like the Masters golf tournament, I actually commend Wimbledon for remaining steadfast on keeping long-standing traditions, which reflect its status as the oldest and what many consider the most prestigious Grand Slam event. I’ve been blessed to attend Wimbledon and can say it is indeed pretty special. And yes, I wore white.

 

 

It’s reported that Coco Chanel began wearing white all year in the 1920s and even Wimbledon has given in, if just a wee bit. The All-England Lawn Tennis Club enforces specific guidelines regarding players’ attire including an “almost entirely white” main color but off white or cream are not allowed. Somewhat new is that a single trim of color is allowed, but no wider than 1 cm. In addition, logos can’t form a solid mass of color.

 

Surprisingly, this rule wasn’t always strictly enforced, with players wearing other colors until 1962. Over the years, the dress code has become stricter compared to other Grand Slams, where almost anything goes. I tip my white hat to Wimbledon for remaining unique in its commitment to this traditional dress code, emphasizing elegance and decorum in the sport.

 

 

I guess that’s what it all comes down to even when debating the no white in the winter fashion rule. Keep it clean, tasteful, cool, classic, and polished. Those will forever and always be the “white” choices.

 

 

 

Today, Holy Thursday, Jesus flips the master-slave dynamic on its head. Knowing His time was coming, He didn’t do His favorite things but instead bent down to do the work that was so lowly that only the lowest of the low were expected to do it: He washed feet. Amazing, right? The King of Kings bent down and gave what we would today call a pedi even though He knew that the next day He would be crucified. That vision of Master serving others brings to mind a wonderful tale of the folded napkin.

 

 

 

Raise your hand if your familiar with the ancient Jewish mealtime tradition often referred to as the “folded napkin?” I love both history and etiquette so whether fictional or true, it fascinates me. It goes way deeper than history and etiquette though.

 

Stay with me.

 

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand the mealtime Hebrew tradition many believe goes waaaaay back.

 

Let’s set the scene by setting a perfect table, which a servant would make sure was exactly how the master wanted it. During meals, the master would be served and while he ate, the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating.

 

When the master was done eating, he would rise from the table; wipe his fingers and face, and then wad up the napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table for in those days, a wadded napkin meant, “I’m done.”

 

But if the master got up from the table, folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not touch or clear the table because a folded napkin meant, “I’m coming back!’”

 

Fast forward to the Resurrection.

 

 

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that a napkin in Jewish burial tradition was placed over the face of Jesus, but upon entering the tomb after His crucifixion, not only was the tomb empty, the napkin wasn’t thrown aside like His other clothing but rather neatly folded and by itself.

 

Early that Resurrection Sunday morning, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, “They have taken the Lord’s body out of the tomb and I don’t know where they have put him!” Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see, looked in, and saw that the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and lying to the side.

 

 

It’s such a small detail, but when you stop to think about it, you realize nothing in Scripture is accidental. If someone had stolen Jesus’ body, they probably wouldn’t have taken the time to tidy up and neatly fold his head cover. This tells us that Jesus Himself folded it, which not only emphasizes the orderliness of the Resurrection but that He rose intentionally.

 

Was that important? Absolutely!

 

Is it powerful and significant? Yes!

 

The folded napkin wasn’t just a random detail; it was a message.

 

So, what is the meaning for us here?

 

He’s coming back!

 

 

Like the servant, stay alert and ready. Like His followers, be ready to tackle the evil out in the world all while ready and willing to grow in our faith. The folded napkin also reminds us that our time on earth is temporary. Let’s all vow to make it count. And if nothing else, practice proper etiquette and manners, treat others with respect, and know He is coming back!