Beyond Words

Today, Holy Thursday, Jesus flips the master-slave dynamic on its head. Knowing His time was coming, He didn’t do His favorite things but instead bent down to do the work that was so lowly that only the lowest of the low were expected to do it: He washed feet. Amazing, right? The King of Kings bent down and gave what we would today call a pedi even though He knew that the next day He would be crucified. That vision of Master serving others brings to mind a wonderful tale of the folded napkin.

Raise your hand if your familiar with the ancient Jewish mealtime tradition often referred to as the “folded napkin?” I love both history and etiquette so whether fictional or true, it fascinates me. It goes way deeper than history and etiquette though.

Stay with me.

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand the mealtime Hebrew tradition many believe goes waaaaay back.

Let’s set the scene by setting a perfect table, which a servant would make sure was exactly how the master wanted it. During meals, the master would be served and while he ate, the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating.

When the master was done eating, he would rise from the table; wipe his fingers and face, and then wad up the napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table for in those days, a wadded napkin meant, “I’m done.”

But if the master got up from the table, folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not touch or clear the table because a folded napkin meant, “I’m coming back!’”

Fast forward to the Resurrection.

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that a napkin in Jewish burial tradition was placed over the face of Jesus, but upon entering the tomb after His crucifixion, not only was the tomb empty, the napkin wasn’t thrown aside like His other clothing but rather neatly folded and by itself.

Early that Resurrection Sunday morning, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance. She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, “They have taken the Lord’s body out of the tomb and I don’t know where they have put him!” Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see, looked in, and saw that the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and lying to the side.

It’s such a small detail, but when you stop to think about it, you realize nothing in Scripture is accidental. If someone had stolen Jesus’ body, they probably wouldn’t have taken the time to tidy up and neatly fold his head cover. This tells us that Jesus Himself folded it, which not only emphasizes the orderliness of the Resurrection but that He rose intentionally.

Was that important? Absolutely!

Is it powerful and significant? Yes!

The folded napkin wasn’t just a random detail; it was a message.

So, what is the meaning for us here?

He’s coming back!

Like the servant, stay alert and ready. Like His followers, be ready to tackle the evil out in the world all while ready and willing to grow in our faith. The folded napkin also reminds us that our time on earth is temporary. Let’s all vow to make it count. And if nothing else, practice proper etiquette and manners, treat others with respect, and know He is coming back!

This is a test. Please ignore.

Easter is right around the corner and Palm Sunday is this Sunday. I’d like to share with you two little seasonal tales I just love and hope you do too.

The first one fits in perfectly with Palm Sunday and is the tale of the donkey’s cross. It’s a tale and tail per se. Legend has it that a farmer near Jerusalem owned a donkey far too small to do the work he was needed for. The sad farmer felt he couldn’t afford to feed an animal with no true benefit to him so at dinner that evening, he told his family he was going to have to get rid of the donkey. His children, who loved the animal, begged him to sell it rather than harm it. The farmer questioned their request.

“It’s wrong to sell an animal that can’t do a day’s work,” he told them. His oldest daughter had an idea. “Father, tie the donkey to a tree on the road to town and offer it to anyone who wants to take it for free. The next morning, that’s what the father did.

Before long, two men approached him and asked if they could have the donkey. The farmer warned them that it could carry almost nothing but the men told him, “Jesus of Nazareth has a need for it.” This baffled the farmer as he couldn’t imagine what a great man like Jesus would want with such a worthless donkey but he agreed and handed the donkey over to them.

The men took the animal to Jesus, who gently stroked the donkey’s face and then mounted it and rode away. A few days later, on what is now called Palm Sunday, Jesus led his followers into Jerusalem riding on the back of his new beloved donkey. It was a match made in heaven! Literally!

The donkey equally loved his kind master and later followed him to Calvary. Grief-stricken by the sight of Jesus on the cross, the donkey turned away but couldn’t leave. It was then that a shadow of the cross fell upon the shoulders and back of the donkey, and there it stayed. To this day, all donkeys bear a sign of the cross on their backs. Cross my heart! Check it out for yourself if you don’t believe. Believe!

Another fun legend is that of pine trees. The beloved lore has it that just before Easter, pine trees start their new growth. This of course depends on the weather and health of the tree, but when all factors are suitable, the tallest branch of the tree shoots forth and forms the shape of a cross. If you’re lucky enough to have pine trees where you are, look up and look in the tree and hopefully you’ll not only see the highest cross, but many smaller ones scattered throughout the tree. I love pine trees and I love this story. Look up!

Easter is right around the corner and Palm Sunday is this Sunday. I’d like to share with you two little seasonal tales I just love and hope you do too.

The first one fits in perfectly with Palm Sunday and is the tale of the donkey’s cross. It’s a tale and tail per se. Legend has it that a farmer near Jerusalem owned a donkey far too small to do the work he was needed for. The sad farmer felt he couldn’t afford to feed an animal with no true benefit to him so at dinner that evening, he told his family he was going to have to get rid of the donkey. His children, who loved the animal, begged him to sell it rather than harm it. The farmer questioned their request.

“It’s wrong to sell an animal that can’t do a day’s work,” he told them. His oldest daughter had an idea. “Father, tie the donkey to a tree on the road to town and offer it to anyone who wants to take it for free. The next morning, that’s what the father did.

Before long, two men approached him and asked if they could have the donkey. The farmer warned them that it could carry almost nothing but the men told him, “Jesus of Nazareth has a need for it.” This baffled the farmer as he couldn’t imagine what a great man like Jesus would want with such a worthless donkey but he agreed and handed the donkey over to them.

The men took the animal to Jesus, who gently stroked the donkey’s face and then mounted it and rode away. A few days later, on what is now called Palm Sunday, Jesus led his followers into Jerusalem riding on the back of his new beloved donkey. It was a match made in heaven! Literally!

The donkey equally loved his kind master and later followed him to Calvary. Grief-stricken by the sight of Jesus on the cross, the donkey turned away but couldn’t leave. It was then that a shadow of the cross fell upon the shoulders and back of the donkey, and there it stayed. To this day, all donkeys bear a sign of the cross on their backs. Cross my heart! Check it out for yourself if you don’t believe. Believe!

Another fun legend is that of pine trees. The beloved lore has it that just before Easter, pine trees start their new growth. This of course depends on the weather and health of the tree, but when all factors are suitable, the tallest branch of the tree shoots forth and forms the shape of a cross. If you’re lucky enough to have pine trees where you are, look up and look in the tree and hopefully you’ll not only see the highest cross, but many smaller ones scattered throughout the tree. I love pine trees and I love this story. Look up!

Easter is right around the corner and Palm Sunday is this Sunday. I’d like to share with you two little seasonal tales I just love and hope you do too.

The first one fits in perfectly with Palm Sunday and is the tale of the donkey’s cross. It’s a tale and tail per se. Legend has it that a farmer near Jerusalem owned a donkey far too small to do the work he was needed for. The sad farmer felt he couldn’t afford to feed an animal with no true benefit to him so at dinner that evening, he told his family he was going to have to get rid of the donkey. His children, who loved the animal, begged him to sell it rather than harm it. The farmer questioned their request.

“It’s wrong to sell an animal that can’t do a day’s work,” he told them. His oldest daughter had an idea. “Father, tie the donkey to a tree on the road to town and offer it to anyone who wants to take it for free. The next morning, that’s what the father did.

Before long, two men approached him and asked if they could have the donkey. The farmer warned them that it could carry almost nothing but the men told him, “Jesus of Nazareth has a need for it.” This baffled the farmer as he couldn’t imagine what a great man like Jesus would want with such a worthless donkey but he agreed and handed the donkey over to them.

The men took the animal to Jesus, who gently stroked the donkey’s face and then mounted it and rode away. A few days later, on what is now called Palm Sunday, Jesus led his followers into Jerusalem riding on the back of his new beloved donkey. It was a match made in heaven! Literally!

The donkey equally loved his kind master and later followed him to Calvary. Grief-stricken by the sight of Jesus on the cross, the donkey turned away but couldn’t leave. It was then that a shadow of the cross fell upon the shoulders and back of the donkey, and there it stayed. To this day, all donkeys bear a sign of the cross on their backs. Cross my heart! Check it out for yourself if you don’t believe. Believe!

Another fun legend is that of pine trees. The beloved lore has it that just before Easter, pine trees start their new growth. This of course depends on the weather and health of the tree, but when all factors are suitable, the tallest branch of the tree shoots forth and forms the shape of a cross. If you’re lucky enough to have pine trees where you are, look up and look in the tree and hopefully you’ll not only see the highest cross, but many smaller ones scattered throughout the tree. I love pine trees and I love this story. Look up!

For someone who loves a good candle, diffuser oil, lotion, Easter Lillies, coffee brewing, and even Play-Do, today is a special day. It’s “National Fragrance Day!” I know, I didn’t know this myself until yesterday but I love a “pretend” holiday and a love a good scent so here we are. Candles and candles aside, today I’m focusing on a personal treasured fragrance: perfume.

I love perfume and wear it daily, whether I’m going golfing or going to Buckingham Palace. (Keep it light or not at all though if you’re flying somewhere. There’s nothing worse than sitting next to someone on a plane and they’re drenched in a scent you don’t care for.) You could say it’s how I was raised.

One of my fondest childhood memories is of my mom and dad getting ready to go out. They always got dressed up and my mom always wore perfume. Joy and L’air du Temps were her favorites and to this day they’ll always remind me of her. We were a solid middle class Hispanic family so perfume was considered very special and a luxury. Still, my mom made it a point to always have some on hand and so do I. Back then we got it for gifts and gave it for gifts and I’ve carried on that tradition all these years later.

“I just adore fragrance. I can’t leave the house without putting on a scent, even when I’m at my most minimal and rugged. I have a bottle of perfume in every handbag.”

Sarah Jessica Parker

I’m with you Carrie Bradshaw and Kate Middleton might also agree.

I love that on her wedding day to Prince William, the Duchess of Cambridge wore the English perfume “Bluebell.” And while most of us can’t afford a custom Alexander McQueen gown like Kate’s, we can afford a royal-approved scent and who doesn’t want to smell like a princess and have that special “something blue” to wear on her wedding day? Another wedding tip I read was to wear a new perfume on your wedding day and then your hubby will always think of that special day when you wear it again.

I don’t know if “Bluebell” is Kate’s signature scent, but I do know that min is Chanel’s “Coco Mademoiselle.” I’ve worn it for years and never tire of it. I do however, like other scents and they sit on a crystal cake stand in my closet. Some of my other favorites include Bradshaw’s perfectly named “Lovely,” Caudalie’s “The Des Vignes,” “Must de Cartier,” and Elizabeth Arden’s “White Linen.” I’ve also discovered Baccarat’s “Rouge 540” but boy is it pricey!

If I could, I’d probably also have Ralph Lauren’s original square red-bottled fragrance as it will forever remind me of college but they just don’t make it anymore. “Sweet Honesty,” “Jovan Musk,” and Clinique’s “Aromatics” will forever bring back my high school days and then there’s “Charlie,” “White Shoulders,” and “Halston,” all of which had their hey-days but I never wore any of them. Perfume has a funny way of lingering in our memories. Youd could say it’s almost spiritual.

Well, there you have it, it’s not only spiritual it’s biblical!

Just a sniff of a cologne raises our scent of smell. I recently read Author Rita Snowden’s story about visiting a small village in Dover England. While sitting in an outdoor café, she picked up the most beautiful of scents and later learned that what she smelled was the villagers themselves, most of who worked in a nearby perfume factory. If you love perfume and reading, I highly recommend the book “The Perfume Collector” by Kathleen Tessaro. Great read and great history.

How those factory fumes stayed on the workers should come as no surprise as perfume is activated by body heat. For long-lasting results, spray some on pulse points like your wrist, neck, behind your knees, and on your ankles. If you want a more subtle scent, spray it on your hair and clothing. But keep in mind that just because a scent smells wonderful on someone doesn’t mean it will smell the same on you. If you’re opting for something new, try a travel size for starters.

Okay, but when choosing a scent, what’s up with cologne, perfume, and eau de toilette? Basically, they are all variations of the potency of the fragrance. The higher the concentration of the oil in them, the more staying power and usually the higher price. Parfum boasts the highest concentration of oil, followed by Eau de Toilette, and then cologne, which got its name from the German city in which it was first created.

As for the word “perfume,” it comes from the Latin “per fumus,” which means “through smoke.” The first modern perfume is thought to have been made at the command of Queen Elizabeth of Hungary in 1370. France soon became the center of perfume making but perfumes were used primarily by royalty and the wealth to mask body odors. King Louis XV, Madame de Pompadour, and even Napoleon picked up on it all but it wasn’t until the 19^th century that modern fragrances really developed and hit the mass market.

The now classic Chanel No. 5 was created and launched by Coco Chanel and the rest is perfume history. I love checking out creative and pretty perfume bottles and none is more classic than the simple square bottle of Chanel No. 5 and I still have one from a visit to Paris. I will never get rid of it. The bottle is famous but the story behind it and its name is just as intriguing.

From an early age, the number 5 was important to French orphan Gabrielle Chanel. She attended daily prayer at her convent-run orphanage in a circular pattern that repeated the number five and she had an affinity for the five-petal rose that was found in the abbey’s gardens and surrounding hillsides.

Years later and then a high-end fashion designer, “Coco” Chanel was presented with small glass vials containing sample selections to be made into a perfume under her name. The vials were numbered 1 to 5 and 20 to 24 and she chose the fifth vial.

She later told her master perfumer, “I present my dress collections on the fifth of May and the fifth month of the year, so we will let this sample number five keep the name it has.”

She was just as instrumental in the iconic bottle’s design, envisioning a design opposite of the elaborate crystal fragrance bottles popularized by Lalique and Baccarat. Instead, her bottle would be “pure transparency…simple bottles adorned only by precious teardrops of perfume.” The bottle has remained the same since redesigned in 1924.

One of my friends, who I’ve known since our daughters were in preschool, has worn the same scent for as long as I’ve known her. If I close my eyes I can smell it, if I smelled it somewhere I would look for her, and if she wore any other fragrance, I would pitch a fit.

Self-expression is at an all-time high these days, and fragrance is a quick way to make a statement and unveil your style. It becomes a reflection of a personal choice but unlike designer bags and shoes, one has to get close to you to notice it. It’s understated yet rich if done right. You truly make a statement on what perfume you choose and spritz on.

That’s how significant perfume can be. There’s a reason the global fragrance market is worth almost $90 billion and the industry is truly considered liquid assets. Smells like a winner to me.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! We are all a wee bit Irish today and I’m guessing you are wearing green as you read this as we all honor the land of leprechauns, fabulous golf, U2, step dancing, Guinness, shamrocks, Irish Coffee, and St. Patrick. But who was the saint named Patrick and why do we celebrate him in such a big way?

What A Saint

Forever tied to Ireland, Patrick wasn’t born on the Emerald Isle but in Britain. When he was 16, young Patrick was kidnapped by Irish raiders who took him to Ireland and sold him as a slave. He spent many years there herding sheep and turning to God in prayer. He escaped when he was 22 and made his way back to England where he spent 12 years in a monastery. Legend has it that he had a dream in which the people of Ireland were calling him back. The dream is said to have been the voice of God encouraging him to spread Christianity across Ireland and convert the pagans.

Patrick returned to Ireland and began preaching the gospel, building churches, and converting many. Born of wealth, Patrick lived in poverty and suffered greatly until he died on March 17, 461. He is said to be buried in Down Cathedral in the County of Down in Ireland and ironically, St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on the day he died, not on his birthday.

Luck of the Irish

My favorite part of the St. Patrick story is that he used the shamrock as a way to teach the Holy Trinity. The simple green plant grows abundantly in Ireland so he cleverly used it to explain the trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. His idea was so convincing that even pagan rulers converted to Christianity.

The shamrock has three leaves and is considered a clover plant but what is the difference between it and the four-leaf clover? The latter is the result of a mutation in the clover plant that causes it to sprout four leaves instead of the normal three. These four-leaf wonders are very rare and is why they are considered a universal symbol of good luck.

Patrick loved incorporating other traditional rituals in his lessons for both simplicity and proof. Because fire was sacred to the Irish, Patrick superimposed a sun onto a Christian cross. Today this cross, called a Celtic cross, is one of Christianity’s most popular.

Another cross, St. Patrick’s Cross of Ireland, also makes up part of the Union Jack, the flag of the United Kingdom. When you look at the flag, you can see it is actually made up of three different crosses:  St. George’s red Cross of England, St. Andrew’s white Cross of Scotland, and St. Patrick’s red one. And to be clear, the UK is considered all of Great Britain – England, Scotland, and Wales – with the addition of Northern Ireland. Ireland is considered its own republic.

Funny thing is, as much as a celebration and party St. Patrick’s Day is today, from 1903-1970 it was considered a religious holiday according to Irish law, which required pubs remain closed for the day. Squeal! The law was reclassified as a national holiday in 1970, paving the way for the opening of drinking establishment doors and green beer. In the Diocese of Ireland however, it is still considered a Holy Day of Obligation, meaning Catholics are obligated to attend mass and receive the Blessed Sacrament.

Stateside, it all started as a political holiday when American Irish immigrants organized themselves and commemorated St. Patrick with annual parades and festivities to demonstrate their political and social might. Ironically, there are more Irish in the U.S. than in Ireland! There are an estimated 34 million Americans who claim Irish ancestry but the population of Ireland is only 4.2 million.

St. Patrick today, along with St. Nicholas and St. Valentine, is one of Christianity’s most widely known figures and his prayers can be found among all walks of life. St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City is one of the city’s most popular tourist attractions and the Fifth Avenue Neo-Gothic icon ranks right up there with the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. And, in case you’re wondering, St. Patrick isn’t only revered by Catholics. He is honored with a feast day in the Episcopal Church and is also venerated by the Orthodox Church.

Parades and festivals will happen in many places today, but perhaps the ones in New York, Boston, and Chicago rank highest. Surprisingly, St. Patrick’s Day is also a big event in Dallas. As with everything in Texas, it is done in a very big way in Big D! In Chicago, the Chicago River is colored green and green beer and whiskey flow abundantly throughout the city. And it’s WHISKEY, not WHISKY. Irish spell the scotch with an added “e,” while their Scottish neighbors omit the extra vowel. American-made whiskeys also add the “e.”

Lastly, the color green. It’ll be everywhere you look today and be ready to get pinched if you’re not wearing it. It’s definitely tied to St. Patrick’s Day and all things Irish, but it’s also tied to jealousy. “Green with envy” is a common saying but my lads, it’s nothing to celebrate. Today and every day, let’s take a cue from St. Patrick and be giving not envious. It’s a trait that will make all eyes smile, not just those Irish ones.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and the luck of the Irish to you!

Are you getting tired of your winter wardrobe and ready to start springing ahead with some springtime fashion? Well, since we have perhaps a few weeks before we can officially start doing that both season and weather-wise, let’s just consider a few tips from those who know best.

And no, that’s not me, although I do love fashion. I also love that the Ralph Lauren style trend is back. This timeless established elegance and sophisticated taste that’s pedigreed, quality, and anything but trendy was never really out of style in my book. It’s also big in home décor and is said to be evidence that we are all craving stability and longing for what’s been lost. Amen to that!

I say I like fashion but perhaps maybe what I like more is style. Simple, elegant, timeless, comfortable, and put-together style. And there is a big difference between the two. American TV personality, author, lifestyle consultant, and style advisor Clinton Kelly says it this way: “Fashion is the stuff designers offer for sale in any given season. Style is the stuff you choose to put on your body. It’s the plate you take from the fashion buffet.” In a nutshell, fashion is what you buy and style is what you do with it. Fashion is fleeting but style is timeless. One other way to put it is to think of fashion draped in brands and trends and tied to upscale designers. It’s easy to walk into a Chanel boutique and come out with something fabulous but to walk into a Target and come out with something stylish takes a lot more than money to accomplish.

There are many perfect current examples of impeccable style out there, including Kate Middleton, Melania Trump, Michelle Yeoh, Emma Stone, Sofia Richie, and Octavia Spencer. Always classic. Always classy. Always consistent. They echo those from the past like Jackie O and Princess Di. Someone who perhaps best lived by this rule and who is connected to Jackie O and is forever at the top of any style list is the late Carolyn Bessette Kennedy. Her life and marriage to John F. Kennedy, Jr. is the current subject of a popular television series, “Love Story,” and is worth a watch.

Fame aside, Bessette Kennedy was elegant yet understated style to a T…white tee or tea length khaki pencil skirt. No better example of this was her simple wedding dress by then little know designer Narcisco Rodriquez. For someone who could have worn anything and had the biggest wedding ever, she and JFK, Jr., instead opted for a private wedding in a tiny wooden chapel in secluded Georgia. Love it.

Think “quiet luxury” like in “Succession” and Kendall Roy’s understated logo-less Loro Piana ballcap, not any “Real Housewives” in head-to-toe logos and Birkins in every color. As they say, money talks, wealth whispers.

Preppy is also refinding its fashion presence, back and back in a big way since its explosion in the 1980s. Not only did Lauren’s spring 2026 runway showcase it, so did those of Prada, Brunello Cucinelli, Dior, and Fendi. As “Town and Country” put it, these markers of constancy, tradition, and elegance such as polo shirts, navy blazers, khakis, sweaters, and penny loafers are the stuff legends are made of. Their enduring appeal can perhaps come down to one word: appropriateness. They style emotes luxury but logos are kept to a whisper and nothing is too perfect. It was huge when I was in college and many are saying Gen Z is turning back to it as a way of showing their craving of nostalgia, something deeper, and even what it means to be American. Amen and thank you Olympics!

So how do you know what’s a trend and what’s a fad? A fad is generally popular for a short period of time while a trend is sometimes but not always a fad that withstands the test of time. Once popular fads that faded include flapper dresses, neon clothes, and shoulder pads as opposed to those that are still somewhat trending like bell bottoms and maxi skirts. A word to the wise that I heard years ago and still live by is that if you wore it the first time it was a fad, when it comes back in style, you’re too old to wear it.

So, what should you wear and what should you buy to pull off this low-key but stylish look? One good tip is the high-low mix. Pair a Prada bag with a Zara dress or wear Tod’s loafers with Old Navy jeans. In other words, don’t go all in with designer or high-end; keep it simple and keep it subtle.

Spend your money on good shoes and good purses…as I like to say, they always fit! You wear these often and they will make any outfit look more expensive. Maybe some sunglasses too and a statement piece of jewelry like an expensive but discreet necklace. An incredible blazer and a well-fitting Little Black Dress are also closet must-haves and pay attention to fabric. Cashmere will also look better than synthetics. Wardrobe buys should also consider the Big 3: casual, work, and special occasions. When you find something, you love like a pair of shoes, buy them in bulk. My go-to’s right now are Rothy’s Birdie’s, Brookes, and Tod’s with a few dressy pumps thrown in. Consider that it’s estimated 20 percent of your clothes are worn 80 percent of the time.

Don’t be afraid to try new things though. Have your staples and some solid mix and match items but have fun too! Wear what makes you feel happy and confident and as my daughter once told me, wear what makes you feel pretty!

Lastly, be aware of knock offs and fast fashion. Yes, they may be waaaay more affordable but production of them could be something you prefer not to support. There are several streaming documentaries that are worth watching that detail their overproduction, low quality, and environmental waste. Their instant creation also leads to trend fatigue.

Okay, now that we’ve got all that covered, here’s what experts say are items every woman should have in her closet:

The Workhorse White Shirt. Always have a crisp and ironed white blouse ready to go. I have a few, ranging from high-end to my favorite from Old Navy. It’s amazing how you can dress one up or dress one down. Caroline Bessette swore by them and often wore JFK, Jr’s oversize ones.

A Piece of Legacy Jewelry. Something standout or sentimental that you treasure. I tend to wear the same jewelry everyday to everything. I might thrown on a pair of fun earrings depending on the occasion, but my diamond studs and favorite watch and bracelet go with me everywhere.

The Little Black Dress. Nothing new here, as the LBD has been around since Audrey Hepburn and maybe even before. Keep it simple though, which will allow you to dress it up or keep it casual.

Pearls. Probably the most classic IYKYK. Just ask Jackie.

Comfy Shoes. I have a closet of these and like I said above, when you find a brand and style you love, buy them in bulk!

A Great Fitting Bra. This one is a tough one for me. Consider getting an in-store bra fitting and be prepared to spend some money on one but know that a good one makes all the difference. When you find one, buy several and buy in beige and black. Nothing screams “ick” more than a tan bra showing under a black top.

A Good Blazer. This one is a tough one for me too. I have several but it seems like every time I put one on it just doesn’t look right. If I had to choose, my faves are a classic khaki one and my tuxedo-style one.

A Good Coat. Trench coats were once all the rave and still are in some parts, but if it’s not your style go with a more simple jacket or even a nice puffer.

Diamond Stud Earrings. These little sparklers never go out of style and go with everything. They don’t have to be giant, which IMO are a bit much, and these days they don’t even have to be “real.” My local jeweler who I love swears by lab grown diamonds. Google them. You’ll be surprised.

So, there’s what you should be wearing but what about what you shouldn’t be wearing? Of course there’s the standard “just because it fits doesn’t mean it looks good” and the “dress your age” tips, but there’s others that have nothing to do with actual clothing, including these from Courtney Carver of the brilliant “Be More With Less:”

Stop Wearing the Guilt of Your Past. Guilt and regret serve no one well. Let go of guilt the same way you let go of a piece of clothing that doesn’t serve you well anymore.

Stop Wearing the Pressure to Prove Yourself. Yes, this can be fashion-related and we often dress to impress others, but what you wear is not always an indicator of what you’ve accomplished. Once you stop proving yourself, you can be yourself.

Stop Wearing the Weight of Other’s Expectations and Judgements. As Mel Robbins writes, “Let Them.” Let them judge you, let them expect something from you, and let them be them. You be you. Caring less about what other people think is the ultimate form of self-care. Usually, when we think people are thinking about us, they aren’t.

So there you have it; what to wear and what not to wear. But like I said, wear what makes you happy and what makes you feel pretty!