Beyond Words

It’s the subject of one of television’s most beloved sitcoms and it’s the theme of a study I recently took part in based on author/podcaster/woman extraordinaire Jennie Allen’s book “Find Your People.” It is, friendship and it was fascinating.

In it, I learned we all want people connection and trusted friend groups but it’s kinda hard to find your people when both you and those people are always so busy or live so far away. Ironically, one of my dear college friends who lives far away gave me the book for my birthday a few years back. Now, years later, I got to study the idea all over again with neighborhood friends.

Truth be told I might not have been open to this a few years back. That was when, after living in the same city for 30+ years and living a life that included an exciting career and fulfilling motherhood, hubby and I moved to a new (but nearby) town and neighborhood. I remember “making” friends here and there but all the while thinking, “I have 30+ years of friends nearby. Why do I need new ones?” Boy was I wrong. Now I covet my neighborhood and the friends I’ve made in it. As a true introvert, it has taken me longer than others might take, but I’m comfortable and feel at home in our now not so new neighborhood.

Neighborhood. Key word. I’m thankful and grateful that my neighborhood has lots of activities to get people together. I do everything from golf to Bible studies, a rosary group to book club, cooking classes to wine tasting, exercise classes to happy hours and everything in between. Allen would applaud this.

Why? Because she stresses that proximity matters as it breeds intimacy. She also notes that yeah, it’s nice to have “every now and then” friends, but true friends do our daily lives with us. Research supports this and reports it takes 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to move from casual friend to friend, and more than 200 hours to qualify as a best friend.

There’s no denying that everyone wants love and belonging, but they’re hard to give and receive when everybody’s busy and everyone is guarded. We avoid sharing the “messes” for fear of being judged or offending someone’s feelings, but as Allen says, messes are often where we bond the best and that transparency is vital in a tried-and-true friendship.

Boy isn’t that the truth and it’s something I learned firsthand late last year when I had a death in the family. It’s times like that when you really realize who is there for you and makes an effort to reach out. It’s when you find your people.

Former Texas Longhorn (I won’t hold that against him) and pro football player and now TV commentator, speaker, and podcaster Emmauel Acho has some brilliant stuff to say about all this. He categorizes people in his life as if they were a house. He has window friendships, door friendships, and floor friendships. Stick with me; it’s fascinating and eye-opening.

Window friends are those who see what’s going on in your life but don’t always know what’s going on. They are on the outside looking in and are those you touch base with on holidays, events. tragedies, etc. You allow who sees through these windows, knowing you can only let so many people in your house.

Door friends are those who come in and out of your life. They are there for a reason and for a season. They are also the ones who, when life gets tough or your world gets cold, might exit but sometimes want back in when times are good. They stop making the effort so when they come knocking, you decide whether to open that door again and again.

Firefly Lane

Floor friends aren’t going anywhere and are permanent fixtures in your house of life. You can track mud on them, scratch them up, and stomp on them but they will always be there to catch your tears and keep you standing up. They are also there for you to jump up and down on when celebrating. Your house would cease to exist and not be a house without floors. IMO the perfect example of this would be Tully and Kate from “Firefly Lane.”

In short, a house generally has more windows than doors and more doors than floors. As long as you have one solid floor, your house (and your life) will be held together securely.

These kinda fall in line with thoughts from an even deeper thinker: Aristotle. He identified three “species” of friendships:

Friendships of utility are those based on what someone can do for you or what you can do for someone. They have little to do with character and can end as soon as any possible use for you or the other person is gone.

The friendship of pleasure is based on the enjoyment of a shared activity or the pursuit of fleeting pleasures and emotions. Think going for drinks with friends or enjoying a hobby or sport. Aristotle notes that this type of friendship is especially common among the young and can end quickly as it is dependent on ever-changing likes and dislikes. This explains why it’s easy to make friends in college but tougher once you enter the real world.

The friendship of virtue gets to the heart of what good friends are. These are the people you like for themselves and who influence you in a positive way. There are common missions, common goals, and common values. It is this virtue that Aristotle lauds and says, that while friendships of utility and pleasure have their place, it’s the rare yet pure friendships of virtue that are the greatest contributors to a good life and prevent loneliness.

Ugh. Loneliness.

The Surgeon General once said “The greatest public health crisis in America is not cancer or heart disease, it’s social isolation. Loneliness.” Thank you, distance. Thank you, internet. Thank you Covid and your crippling isolation, increased separatism, and ongoing division. Lessons learned, right?

We simply cannot cope alone and yet, even though we have more ways to connect then ever before, there is an increase in isolation and loneliness. It’s not uncommon to feel lonely in a crowd. We may have more relationships and “friends,” but we also have fewer and less meaningful ones. In our hyper-connected world, loneliness has become an epidemic.

It’s easy to blame the internet, but according to Allen it started way before we were online. She points to the breakdown of the village structure generations before us lived in and thrived in. Today, we live far from those we love, are in neighborhoods with garage doors shut, and a simple wave to neighbors as we see them. We are divided…and I’m talking physically in this case.

We’ve also replaced real soul-bearing conversations with “likes” and “shares.” We celebrate individualism and independence way too much. Think about it, when we hear of someone who commits a violent crime, how is he or she typically described? “Social outcast.” “Living on the fringe.” “Kept to himself.” The enemy loves isolation and division and our spread-out world is tailor-made for both.

It came as no surprise to learn that men tend to be more isolated than women and that women generally have more true friendships then men do. It’s not connection males seek as much as belonging, so they often bond over a common purpose or interest. They rarely dive deep with their buddies. My husband can play a four-hour round of golf with someone and come home with zero “news” on their life. Don’t believe me? Next time you see women interact you’ll probably notice they do so face-to-face while men do so shoulder-to-shoulder. We are not the same.

Kathy Womack

What’s the moral of this somewhat depressing but totally fixable story? We need connection. We need authenticity. We also need frequency more than we need duration when it comes to relationships according to author Grechen Rubin. She firmly believes it’s better to have more short visits with others than few long ones.

So, BFFs, buddies, posse, homies, crew, squad, whatever you want to call it; call it often! I promise I’ll pick up.

Note: Allen’s book and videos also stressed how all of this is spiritual and I will touch on that in a related blog on Sunday.

Same Georgia; same.

Rams Head and White Hollyhock and Hills. Georgia O’Keefe

I recently visited San Miguel de Allende in Mexico. The town is extremely popular and charming in many ways. Beautiful churches. Wonderful food. Colorful architecture. Friendly natives. Hilly streets. Lots of hilly, windy streets. I think we saw all of them as my four girlfriends and I went from store to store, market to market, and shopped til we dropped. I liked much of what we saw, but being a New Mexican native and a Texas resident for nearly 40 years, some of which were near the Texas-Mexico border, I’d seen much of it, purchased it in the past, or rather than fill my suitcase with what I saw, I knew I could buy almost all of it back home.

But, the art. The fabulous art. It was one of my favorite parts of the trip. Here is just a sampling of some of my favorites that I remembered to photograph, including art as a chair and a street! I love how the dots on the black-and-white horse spilled into the bottom of the frame too.

As I mentioned, I’m from New Mexico, Santa Fe to be exact, so I’ve been surrounded by and educated about art my whole life. Make no mistake, I have zero artistic ability but I love art. I love those little “Paint and Sip” classes but as much as I enjoy them, I’ve come to discover I have no room or need for the finished products at home.

“Yeii.” Original by Ronald A. Chee

I love a home that’s filled with art and I’d have more of it up if it weren’t for my husband who insists on some blank walls. I’m not talking expensive or collectors-type art, but original nonetheless. He’s onto something though I must admit because you never want every wall in your home over-flowing with art or any wall to have too much.

Jim Vine via Bunny Williams

All of this is why I was so enamored by a recent article in “Elle Décor” that asked, “When decorating one’s home; what comes first: the art or the room?” I know many who have furnished their home then found art to go with it. Most designers agree however, that decorating is easiest and best when a client owns the art from the get go. In truth, maybe it’s a balance between the two.

Cade Design

I adore the above painting as well as Designer Billy Cotton’s quote that one should be “wary of designing around it too closely as that turns the art into decoration.” Boom! Love that. Art should not be “decoration.” It should be, well, art. Cotton goes on to say that “Art is so personal. It really doesn’t have any function aside from beauty.”

Yes, you can go to any store, scroll online, and find art. A lot of it actually really pretty and/or cute, like the above print of Andrew Wyeth’s “Master Bedroom” that hangs in our master. It’s always been one of my favorites and a print of it is just fine for me in this case. My heart however, wants original art. My dream would be to own an original Monet or Remington, but I am satisfied with original pieces of art painted by maybe not famous artists but those whose work is original albeit more affordable.

“Longboat Key Steps” by Laurie Hatch

Art fills our home and fills my heart. One of my most treasured pieces is the above painting our dear friend Laurie Hatch painted. I gave her a photo of my husband and our daughter walking the beach and she worked her artistic magic from there. We also had her do one for my mother-in-law, and upon her passing it now hangs in our daughter’s home. The right art is always a keeper.

Does the art in your home need to be of all the same style? Nope. Feel free to mix and match but keep it clean and avoid the impression you live in a museum. Gallery maybe. Museum no. Your art should be personal and tell a story and if that includes something western-themed near a silhouette of a vase of flowers like the above “Red Vase” and “Dinner Reservations” by Terry Crump, so be it. Enjoy it. And buy it. I will forever regret not buying “Red Vase” when I originally saw it many years ago.

Amado Pena original

There’s no arguing that art is an essential element in any well-decorated room but what if you don’t have an eye for it or on a budget and can’t afford a designer? I would suggest research, discover what you love, consider your home’s style, and go from there. If you have the art you want to hang and are building a home, even better as you can create custom spots and architectural designs to accommodate it if possible.

Mark Rothko at Buffalo AKG Art Museum

Another tip I gleaned from the article and kinda already knew was to never put art in the service of a design scheme. In other words, if your beloved Rothko consists of his signature bold blocks of color, don’t jump to furnishing a room to match it. Better yet, allow it to make a statement and keep in mind that placement is important.

Unless you’re dealing with the masters or extremely formal areas, a little whimsy can go a long way. Take for instance the above colorful rubber ducks and toothbrushes for a guest bath, an original sign I had made for another guest bath, a treasured piece purchased on our honeymoon in Jamaica that hangs in our laundry room, and a ceramic deer head draped in pearls. So fun and so easy to replicate. Not every piece that’s up needs to be museum-ready. Sometimes they just need to be loved.

Veranda

The Nester

Groupings are also a good idea and create a more playful and whimsical pop of art. These groupings can be anything from the above copper molds in a kitchen, transferware, cowboy hats, some of my mom’s Santa Fe churches collection, the Brittany Fuson originals above the very desk I’m writing this on, or the simple buildings seen in the home we stayed in in San Miguel. Cluster those collections you have tucked away and you’ll be surprised how much joy they bring you and how many conversations they start.

Lastly, art that’s often overlooked is photography. The above photo is one of my all-time faves. Not sure whose it is but would love to own it! I also love Gray Malin’s photography with the above “Prada” being one of my faves. The Wall Street sign pictured above? That’s an original of mine that happened as I quickly crossed the street in New York and didn’t even know I’d created it until I got home. I still love it. Photography is often more affordable then original art and can make a bold statement all its own.

So, while I’ll never own a Michelangelo or Picasso, I am the proud owner of the above “original” piece by our daugher when she was little and while I don’t have a home big enough to house everything I like and own, I will continue to appreciate the art I have and discover both nearby and in faraway places. Even if it’s in a market in Mexico. Ole!

One more thing and just for fun: check out Photographer Stefan Draschan’s “Art Matches People” exhibit online. It’s amazing!

Here are few of affordable artists whose work I own and love:

“Heal Through Hope” by Deannart

Tricia Robinson

Kathy Womack “Women and Wine” series

Renee Bouchon

“First Snow” by Tom Bojinowski

Have you ever wondered, like I did for so many years, why on earth today is called “Good Friday” when it feels like anything but good since it’s the day Jesus Christ was killed? I’ve heard it explained in various ways, but one of my favorites is perhaps that it’s called “good” because our Lord’s terrible death lead to the resurrection and salvation of the world and what is “more good” than that? Granted, there is so much evil in this world right now and more and more proof of unbelievers tooting their horns, but there is still good. There is still hope. And hope is what Easter is really all about.

The first time today was called good, or “guode” in Old English, was in a text from back in the 1200s…and I don’t mean a text on a phone. Later, in 1885, the Baltimore Catechism explained it as “good” because Jesus showed great love for mankind. And that is good.

There is no rainbow without a storm and we can’t have dawn without dark. That’s kinda how Good Friday relates to Easter Sunday. And yes, Sunday is all about joy and celebration but the sadness that came before it is unspeakable. So unspeakable in fact, that none of the four Gospel writers describe it. Matthew merely writes “after they crucified him…” That’s it. Five words to describe what is history like no other history.  Mark, Luke, and John don’t write much more about the actual crucifixion and perhaps for good reason. It was brutal. It was too awful to tell; even for them.

He was forced to carry an extremely heavy cross on the way to His own death by crucifixion. All the way mocked and, in today’s language “offended” and “bullied,” but protected by no one.

A crown of painful and sharp thorns was placed on His head.

He was thrown to the ground; kicked and spat on.

His arms were painfully stretched on the crossbeam of the cross and he was held down as they drove nails into his palms. Nails into His palms.

His feet were wrestled with and placed atop one another as nails were driven into them. Driven into them.

The cross was hoisted up with his body precariously nailed to it and writhing as He hung for all to see.

He must have wailed and screamed in pain right before He whispered, “Forgive them Father. They know not what they’ve done.”

Forgive them?

Would any of us ever be so forgiving?

This, my friends, was an incomprehensible act of love. Love for you and me. Love for all.

To show that love, Jesus died for us. To show our love; we live for Him.

Perhaps we’ve become all too familiar with and used to what happened on that cross and the cruelty that lead to His last breath. I remember the first time I saw the movie “The Passion of the Christ.” I could hardly watch parts of it as it was so graphic and real. I’d never witnessed it all like that and should probably watch it again. We all should.

The fact that it all took place on a wooden cross should not go unnoticed. On that cross made from a tree, Christ reversed the curse Adam reaped on humanity by eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. By being lifted up on the cross, He prepared our way upward toward heaven and the cross stretched His body toward the four corners of the world.

We all have crosses to bear but none as painful or humiliating as The Cross. Crucifixes are nothing new to Catholics as they adorn our churches, homes, and bodies. The word comes from the Latin “cruci fixus” meaning “one fixed to a cross” and serves as a symbol and a reminder of Christ’s journey to earth, His trials and death at the hands of humanity, and His victory over death. Plain crosses are equally popular among fellow Christians. (Why a crucifix for Catholics you ask? Because it’s not the cross that saved us.) But the cross is not the only example of Christ’s humility and undying love for us demonstrated during His passion. It is said that when we make the Sign of the Cross, the first two gestures form the letter I and the next two cross it out. It’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about Him.

He is King, but the only crown He wore was one made of thorns. Instead of being seated on a throne, He was nailed to a cross. And instead of wearing a royal robe, He was cloaked in mockeries. And yes, He could have ended it all and saved Himself but instead chose to save us.

So, as we “celebrate” Good Friday today, let’s remind ourselves about what actually took place some 2000+ years ago. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t painless. But it wasn’t the end. We believe that death is not the period, but the comma. There’s more to come. Yes, we grieve but we grieve in hope knowing that like on Good Friday, sorrow does not get the last word or last laugh. Sunday is coming.

Blessed Life Group

We all know, or should know, proper etiquette regarding napkins at a table. In brief, they are either folder under the knife and spoon to the left of a plate or creatively folded on top of the plate. Once seated, you are to immediately take the napkin and place it on your lap and it should stay on your lap for the entire meal. When done eating or if you need to get up during the meal, you’re to neatly fold it and place it either on the empty plate or next to it. So that’s etiquette, but have you heard the biblical folded napkin story?

According to Hebrew tradition during the time of Christ’s life and death, a folded napkin had everything to do with a master and a servant. Every Jewish servant boy knew that when he set a table for the master, he made sure it was exactly the way the master wanted it. Nothing new here, right? Yes, the table was properly set and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, for the master to finish the meal. The servant would not dare touch the table until the master was done. Here’s where the napkin comes into play.

If the master was done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers and mouth, and then wad up the napkin and throw it on the table. This was the servant’s sign to clear the table as a wadded up napkin signified “I’m done.” If, however, the master got up from the table and laid a folded up napkin beside his plate, it mean “I’m coming back” and the servant was not to touch the setting.

I’m coming back.

Hmmmm…any guess how this is biblically related now?

Think about it. The Gospel tells us that the clothes Jesus was wearing at death were thrown aside but a cloth was neatly placed over His head. When Simon Peter entered the tomb, he noticed the wrapping lying about but that the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and laying neatly on the side.

I’m coming back.

Powerful, right? The power and meaning of a meal in Jesus’ life is equally significant.

What immediately comes to mind is likely the Last Supper, but it started way prior. From the very beginning, it could be said that Jesus’ own life and ministry was food and/or meal-centered. At birth He proved food for a hungry world and is the Bread of Life. His ministry often involved meals or food, including His first miracle in which He turned water in wine at Cana and much of His preaching and teaching involved bread and fish. What’s glorious about Jesus’ meals is that everyone was invited. Even those who would betray Him and sinners. It’s important to note here however, that He sat with sinners but not to celebrate them but to change them. Big diff.

The central observances of Holy Thursday today are two-fold: the Last Supper and Jesus washing feet. This last one never fails to amaze me. Here was the King of kings choosing to wash the feet of others. Think about it; if you had one day left to live, what would you do? Jesus knew and He washed feet. Chills.

The Last Supper has been the subject of art for centuries, including the famous Leonardo Da Vinci masterpiece. It’s also been celebrated for thousands of years at every Catholic mass. At every hour of every day, somewhere in the world, Mass is being said and the Last Supper is being re-enacted.

As we sit down for meals this Easter, let’s imagine for a minute a table full of those we’ve wronged, not forgiven, judged, or even deceived. Not very appetizing, is it? Yet, that’s the type of table Jesus set. Then, be grateful for the food on our plates and for even the napkins on our laps. No masters or servants needed to know and believe He’s coming back.

Spring has officially sprung and Easter is only one week away! Woohoo to both! But first today…and then some fun traditions.

Palm Sunday. The beginning of Holy Week and the Sunday when Catholics often think: “Oh dear, today’s gospel is the really long one!”

Yes, it’s the Passion of Christ, acted out from Jesus’ triumphal entrance into Jerusalem when palm branches were placed in His path, to His arrest on Holy Thursday and His Crucifixion on Good Friday. It also marks the beginning of Holy Week, the final week of Lent, and the week we can examine our promised Lenten sacrifices, maybe add a few tough ones just for Holy Week, and anxiously await His resurrection on Easter Sunday. Did you know the palm tree got its name from the way its open branches resemble a human hand?

Another interesting legend related to Palm Sunday has to do with a donkey. Not just any donkey; the donkey that Christ rode on on Palm Sunday. It was unwanted donkey that reportedly wasn’t very strong and was actually given away rather than sold.

That little weak donkey not only carried Jesus but was also there when he died. The donkey followed Him to Calvary where it is said the shadow of the Cross fell on its back. To this day, donkeys are born with a cross on their back.

Cool, right?

Now for the fun stuff.

Easter Sunday is officially one week away and everywhere you look it’s all things Easter so I thought I’d share with you some fun tidbits on a few of the more popular things we think of when we think of Easter. From the Easter Bunny to Jelly Beans and more, have fun learning and sharing the stories behind each of them.

Let’s hop right to it with the beloved Easter rabbit, AKA the Easter Bunny. Much like Santa Claus and Christmas, rabbits have nothing to do with the real meaning of Easter, Jesus’ resurrection, but like other Easter favorites they do represent “new life,” which is what Easter is really all about.

Easter always occurs in spring and spring is when the weather gets warmer, flowers start to bloom, and animals come out of hiding after a long winter of hibernation. Lots of other animals like rabbits are born in the spring, which again brings up “new life.”

Courtesy Susie Davis

So, what about Easter eggs? Well, lots of animals like birds and lizards are born from eggs and many of them are born in the spring reminding us of new life once again. And if you think about it, Jelly Beans (one of my favorite candies) are oval-shaped just like eggs so it’s no coincidence they are an Easter basket tradition. Peeps are also a favorite Easter treat and are shaped like baby birds I, however, am not a Peeps fan although they are kinda cute.

As I just mentioned, Jelly Beans are one of my favorite candies and another Easter custom is also a favorite of mine: the Easter Lily. In fact, it’s one of my favorite flowers right up there with daisies. Every year I buy myself one and even a grocery store variety is sufficient in that any lily smells divine and fills a room with its own heaven-sent scent. I can smell their fragrance just looking at the picture above. But why do we only enjoy them at Easter?

Traditionally, the trumpet-shaped white blooms symbolize purity, virtue, innocence, hope, and life…the very spiritual essences of Easter. They’re mentioned in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible and are referenced several times in the Song of Solomon as well as in the Sermon on the Mount. Their religious tie-in goes even further.

Often called “white-robed apostles of hope,” lilies were said to be found growing in the Garden of Gethsemane after Christ’s agony. Tradition has it beautiful white lilies sprung up where drops of Christ’s sweat fell to the ground in His final hours. Today churches commemorate this belief by filling altars and aisles with Easter Lilies. They embody joy and life and serve as beautiful reminders that Easter is truly a time of rejoicing and celebrating.

Easter Lilies can fill a room with their sweet aroma as can some of the traditional foods we eat at Easter. Like ham. But how exactly did it get to be the meat of choice on our Easter tables? It all goes back many, many years ago when hogs were slaughtered in the fall but due to lack of electric refrigeration; any meat that wasn’t eaten fresh in the cold months was cured so it would keep longer and be edible in the spring. It just so happened that, because curing takes a while, the first hams were ready right around Easter. Thankfully today we have the finest of refrigeration so hams of all sorts can be found year ‘round. Still, whether honey-baked or smoked, chances are ham will be on many an Easter table.

Lastly, one of my favorite Easter legends. I’m not sure how I never knew the story until fairly recently, especially since I grew up in the Rocky Mountains where there are many pine trees, but it was news to me when I came upon it. And I loved it.

Apparently, this time of year pine trees start their new growth. The tallest branch shoots forth and upward and forms the shape of a cross. If you look up and look around at certain pine trees you might see shoots developing making a familiar shape. The yellow shoots first form vertically followed by side buds, which eventually form branches and new growths that resemble a cross. They start slow and small, but as the days get closer to Easter, the tallest shoots branch off and form the familiar Christian symbol leading some believers to say “even trees know it’s Easter!”

The crosses are more prominent and more readily seen on Loblolly Pines in the southern U.S. and on Ponderosa Pines in the west but can also be found on a variety of other pines as well. The fact that this happens around the Easter season is likely pure coincidence, but who doesn’t love a little lore?

So, there you have it, all things Easter wrapped up nicely in a virtual basket of info. I hope you learned something, liked it, and have an Easter season filled with hope, love, and lots of Jelly Beans! May you open your palms to those colorful sweet gems and to the sweetness of mercy and redemption.

I recently saw that meme online and literally laughed out loud as I said to myself, “Yep; they should!” This, mere days after I was grocery shopping and surprisingly heard my all-time favorite Bruce Springsteen song play overhead. I sang along as nope, not “Born to Run” or “Born in the USA” played, but “Growin’ Up.” Yeah, not what you expected but boy was I happy to sing along as I loaded my cart.

Music has a way of shaping our thoughts and making our day. It can also literally change lives, which is something I learned from none other than a sweet Hulu movie called “Harmony from the Heart.” In it, “Musical therapist Violet meets handsome doctor Blake while caring for his grandfather. While at first they clash over methods, they soon come to realize that sometimes music is the best medicine of all.” I’ve loved music all my life but I somehow didn’t realize that it can indeed be medicine.

According to “Psychology Today,” Music Therapy is a form of treatment that uses music within a therapeutic relationship to help accomplish a patient’s individualized goals. In the movie I watched, an elderly man was showing signs of aging and had suddenly lost the ability to speak. Enter a darling Music Therapist who convinces his “brilliant” but skeptical surgeon grandson and voila, he speaks!

Not everything has a happy Hallmark ending, but research does show that Music Therapy can help people manage physical pain and can also have powerful and positive effects on psychological health. In fact, it has proven effective in treating health conditions such as cardiac complications, cancer, diabetes, dementia, high blood pressure and heart rates, reduce stress, improve sleep, and boost both memory and cognitive functions.

When it comes to the mind and soul, Music Therapy can also influence one’s mood, boost energy, increase joy and awe, reduce anxiety, alleviate depression, facilitate self-reflection, assist in processing trauma, and can be particularly helpful for people on the autism spectrum. My good friend Judy would likely agree, as she is in a nonprofit group called Love Notes that provides an opportunity for people with memory loss to connect and build community through choral singing. The group is made up of both volunteers, those with memory loss, and their care partners, giving them all a sense of purpose and a glimpse of delight.

But back to grocery shopping.

I’m not alone is enjoying a favorite song or two as I’m shopping. Pleasant music is proven to have a mentally soothing effect on people and actually impacts the way they shop. Favorite, familiar, or soothing in-store music lifts a shopper’s mood, making their decision-making on what items go in their carts more intuitive and sometimes even impulsive.

Research also shows that these happy shoppers have less scrutiny of their purchases, buy more products then perhaps originally planned, and treat themselves to a few indulgences. In fact, in-store music has been shown to increase a shopping bill by more than 10 percent!

The power of music is not only therapy and psychology, but also biology. I remember when a friend’s son did a research project on the effects of different types of music on someone while reading. It wasn’t for a music class; but a biology class. Students today, and even dating back to my Millennial daughter’s school years, study with their ear pods in and their music on. Never have I ever.

All of this is not a new concept however. Humans have long appreciated its healing powers and according to the American Music Therapy Association, modern Music Therapy actually began after World War II. It was then that musicians visited hospitals to perform for veterans who afterward showed signs of both physical and emotional healing. This type of therapy is still practiced in many hospitals today as music can stir emotion, prompt discussion, and heal emotional trauma. Music is processed and produced through a different pathway than verbal skills, allowing patients the ability to express themselves, communicate with others, and experience their world as they experience dementia or brain damage.

Which brings us back to the movie I saw. That’s exactly what happened in the film but if you don’t believe any of this just yet, try remembering the words to a song from way back when and then try to remember what you had for dinner one week ago. Amazing, right?

I’ve always loved music, dating back to the Partridge Family albums I still have and the “Best of Bread” album that I coveted for years. Music is powerful. Music is moving. And music helps you move. I can’t imagine a treadmill workout without it and my friend Michelle’s dancercise class gets us moving and is fun!

So vital is music to me that a highlight of our daughter and my recent trip to London was, yes, all the royal stuff and Wimbledon, but I will forever treasure the joy we experienced seeing Bruce Springsteen live in Hyde Park. Pure. Joy. And, my favorite job ever was that of Publicist at Austin’s Frank Erwin Center. I “had” to work every concert and promote the likes of Cher, U2, George Strait, Bon Jovi, and yes, Springsteen. My dream job? Backup singer in Jimmy Buffet’s Coral Reefer Band. RIP sailor.

So, sing away and enjoy all the music out there. As Dick Clark famously said, “Music. It’s the soundtrack of your life,” and now we know it’s also life giving and life affirming. That, my friends, is music to my ears. (so is the fact that I just wrote an entire blog on music and didn’t mention TS once! You’re welcome and yay me!)

Earlier today I blogged about St. Valentine and why we celebrate Valentine’s Day but then it dawned on me: yes, today is special because it’s Valentine’s Day but it’s also special because it’s Ash Wednesday and it’s extra special because the two fall on the same day this year. But wait! I’m not supposed to eat all those valentine treats and candies today as I begin fasting for Lent? And what about a nice boned-in ribeye for dinner? Hmmmm…

Lucky for me, my husband and I don’t celebrate big on Valentine’s Day because tomorrow is our anniversary and that’s when we do something special. But what about the rest of you lovers of each other and lovers of faith? What to do, what to do, right?!

Here’s an idea: let the fact that Ash Wednesday falls on Valentine’s Day this year remind you of the beautiful connection between God’s love and sacrifice. I also love a text I received from my friend Donna suggesting we take today as a message to love everyone and be kind this Lenten season. Lastly, think about reversing it all and since this day of love falls on this day of forgoing vices, plan a Lent that starts  with love as our compass throughout the 40 days ahead.

But first, what is Ash Wednesday, why is it celebrated, why 40 days, and what’s with the ashes?

Ash Wednesday is observed by Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, and other Christian denominations and is a day of fasting and abstinence from meat. Churches hold masses and services for the distribution of ashes, which are ancient symbols of repentance and remind us of our mortality and the “ashes to ashes” bible verse quoted above. When we receive ashes in the form of a cross on our foreheads, we remember we belong to Christ and we ask Him to develop in us a spirit of humility and sacrifice, much like He did for us.

Ash Wednesday begins the season of Lent, which is 40 days of quiet and reflection leading up to Easter Sunday. Why 40 days? The 40 days are rooted in the biblical usage of the number and its significance throughout. Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, God’s people endure 40 days of challenges from Goliath before David is sent to fight for his people, after His baptism Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights to battle Satan, and after His crucifixion and resurrection He remained and walked with His disciples for 40 days and nights before ascending to heaven.

For our 40 days of Lent, we try to slow down and listen to God and we often “give up” things as a way of sacrifice and respect for Jesus’ sacrifice on Good Friday.

Yes, we “give up things” like sodas, coffee, alcohol, social media, TV…whatever we choose…but we also focus on Jesus’ own words regarding the three main disciplines of Lent:  praying, fasting, and giving alms, also known as charity. It is said that prayer demonstrates our relationship with God, fasting demonstrates our relationship with our inner self, and giving alms demonstrates our relationship with others. We might give up sweets or fatty foods but we shouldn’t do it to lose weight necessarily, but rather to hunger for God. As the brilliant Father Jared says, “If you’re not hungry for God, you’re probably too full of yourself.”

Okay, we can for sure give up things, but we should also give and do things…good things like:

Fast from judging others; feast on loving them

Fast from differences; feast on unity

Fast from perfection; feast on acceptance

Fast from hurting; feast on kind words

Fast from sadness; feast on joy

Fast from thoughts of illness; feast on the healing power of God

Fast from words that pollute; feast on words that purify

Fast from envy; feast on gratitude

Fast from anger; feast on patience

Fast form pessimism; feast on hope

Fast from complaining; feast on appreciation

Fast from worry; feast on trust

Here are some more things to give up for Lent:

• Guilt
• Fear
• The need to please everyone
• Envy
• Impatience
• Resentment
• Blame
• Gossip
• Entitlement
• Apathy
• Hatred
• Negativity
• Comparison
• Overcommitment
• Fear of failure
• Feelings of unworthiness
• Doubt
• Self-pity
• Bitterness
• Your comfort zone
• Worry
• Pride

Maybe we all just need to slow down and look inward rather than outward and remember the only person you should try to impress is God. Such great ideas for things to fast from during Lent and every day.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Here’s hoping you’re surrounded by love and all things red and pink.  But, shouldn’t the day’s message of love stick around all year? Long after the roses have died, the cards have been tossed or saved, and candies are long gone, the love behind them should not. That’s how St. Valentine would have wanted it and that’s how he lived. Yes, there was a real man named Valentine and maybe it’s time to learn about him and why we even have a Valentine’s Day.

Valentine, and yes, that was his real name, was a priest who served in third century Rome. During that time, Claudius II was emperor and at some point decided that single men made better soldiers than those who were married. He outlawed marriage for young men in hopes of building a stronger military but Valentine thought the decree was unfair and wanted to help Christians who were being persecuted so he continued to marry young couples. He strongly believed people should get married and secretly performed weddings throughout Rome. When Claudius found out about this, he sentenced Valentine to prison.

While imprisoned, Valentine was relentlessly asked to renounce his actions and his faith but he refused. Sent to another prison, Valentine is said to have written little messages to family and friends to let them know he was well and that he loved them. He would also pray with and befriended a guard whose daughter was blind and had asked Valentine to heal her sight. It is said that just days before his execution, Valentine prayed over the girl, touched her eyes, and she regained her eyesight. Word travelled fast, and upon hearing about this, many turned to Christianity.

Claudius was not amused or impressed and quickly condemned Valentine to death. The night before his execution, Valentine wrote to the young girl and signed it, “From your Valentine.” The phrase became popular and today is still used on cards everywhere.

Stoned and beheaded on February 14, 269, Valentine was buried on the Flaminian Way and a Basilica was erected in his honor.

Not only is Valentine’s Day a holiday in the U.S., it’s celebrated worldwide. In Japan, chocolate is more beloved than even stateside while in Denmark, flowers are also given to loved ones on the holiday. In both Italy and Germany it’s strictly an adult and “lovers only” holiday while Mexico officially calls it a Day of Love and Friendship. St. Valentine is considered the Patron Saint of Spring in Slovenia but perhaps the holiday is celebrated biggest in France.

We all know that Paris is known as the “City of Love” and that couples used to attach locks on the Pont des Arts Bridge and throw keys into the River Seine on Valentine’s Day, but the practice was halted due to the weight of the locks and their potential damage to the historic bridge.  The French village of St. Valentin is decked in flowers on Valentine’s Day and is a popular destination for weddings, vow renewals, and engagements. How lovely would that be?!

St. Valentine is the Patron Saint of love, young people, and happy marriages, which makes me happy being that I was married a day later on February 15. Considering the fact that Valentine saw to it that couples were united in marriage, it’s quite fitting that the holiday of love is named after him. Valentine’s favorite words were “Love one another as I have loved you” and I’m thinking they’re pretty good words for all of us to live by today and everyday.

I wrap up my Sunday series of “What’s the Difference?” today with a look at mercy vs. grace and a little bit of justice thrown in. Have mercy!

Years ago, my family and I were in mass and, during his sermon, beloved Father Elmer stated “A fair is a carnival. Not life.” I never forgot those words even though it’s going on 20+ years since I heard them. I heard them loud and clear.

He was right. Life isn’t always fair including when it comes to mercy and grace. When it comes to life, mercy is considered the act of withholding deserved punishment while grace is considered the act of endowing unmerited favor. In the Christian world however, you could say God is indeed fair as He is both merciful and yearns to give us grace. In both worlds, mercy is compassionate love to the weak and grace is generous love to the unworthy. As weak and unworthy humans, we all need each other’s grace and mercy and most importantly, the grace and mercy of God.

Let’s dive deeper.

The Greek word for mercy is “eleos,” which translated means pity or compassion, while grace in Greek is translated as “charis” or favor. Mercy is also defined as “compassion or forgiveness toward someone who you could otherwise punish or harm.” God shows us mercy by forgiving us. Constantly forgiving us. He shows us grace, defined as “the free and unmerited favor of God and the bestowing of His blessings” by saving us and never giving up on us. Grace is in essence, a true gift from God.

To be fair, not all explanations of mercy and grace are religious, as literature, movies, and pop culture so vividly demonstrate and the meaning of both words can also vary among different religions. Catholics count both Sanctifying Grace and Actual Grace paramount to our religion as well as both Corporal Acts of Mercy and Spiritual Acts of Mercy. Both mercies are considered necessary, with the first one including food, clothing, shelter, and healing of the sick while spiritual mercy involves showing kindness, giving comfort, praying for someone, and forgiving wrongs.

We can find numerous references to mercy and grace and God using imperfect people to accomplish His purpose throughout scripture. A group in my neighborhood is currently reading Shannon Bream’s book “The Love Stories of the Bible Speak” and learned that tucked in the somewhat racy story of Sampson and Deliah is a message that God used the very flawed Sampson to save His people. The Old Testament also gives us Abraham, Sarah, Jacob, Moses, Rahab, and others who serve as more examples of this.

In the New Testament we find Saul, who God converted to Paul the Apostle and author of nearly half of the New Testament, Thomas the doubter who also became an Apostle, the demon-possessed Mary Magdalene who was among the first witnesses of Christ’s resurrection, and Peter who actually denied Jesus but was later told by Him, “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church,” ultimately leading to Peter being the first Pope of that very Catholic church.

Mercy and grace also free us from perfectionism, pride, and rebellion and keep us from becoming obsessed with things of this world. God offers them to us for free, but to possess them we need humility. And, as we are given mercy and grace, God also wants us to show both to others.

I hear it and say it often, the likes of “She was rude to us but let’s give her grace as she was maybe having a bad day.” “Giving grace” in this case is on our part and is nothing more than giving someone a pass and not wishing ill on them. Jesus instructed this in the form of mercy in none other than His Sermon on the Mount when He also gave us The Beatitudes in which He revealed, among other things, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”

Which, brings us to justice and how it differs from mercy. In the perfect world, anyone who makes a mistake or commits a crime should pay the price, right? In today’s world that doesn’t seem to currently be the case but we won’t go there right now. Afterall, isn’t justice one of the fundamental concepts for a civil society; at least one governed by moral leaders, and the rule of law?

Think of the scales pictured above. They are often used as a symbol of justice as with perfect justice, it is blind and an equaling of sorts; not favoring one person over another for any reason but instead giving everyone an equal chance, equal justice, and letting the equal results fall as they may.

God actually goes beyond justice with His mercy and forgiveness and His justice is actually mercy given to all of us as a grace. And, justice has a side other than punishment. It is also lifting up those who are abused, exploited, hungry, and overlooked. We all have a role of bringing justice to this world and demanding it be done. As in the end, “Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted,” Matthew 23:12.

This is part 2 in my Sunday series of “What’s the Difference?” Last week I wrote about the difference between faith and believe and today it’s all about joy and happiness. Enjoy!

It seems like just yesterday we were all singing “Joy to the World” and wishing each other comfort and joy. Christmas is a time of glad tidings and cheer but what about joy? Or is it just happiness? “Just” happiness? Carla, what are you saying?

I’m saying there’s a difference between joy and happiness and they’re both something we should strive for.

I saw that mountain smile at me on an Alaskan cruise and it made me smile back. It made me happy. We all want to be happy and we all want to experience joy. In fact, you could say we are often preoccupied with them and that decisions we make, even dumb ones, are in pursuit of one if not both. But as we aim for happiness what we might really be searching for is joy. Newsflash: happiness and joy are not the same things.

Webster defines joy as a feeling of great pleasure and delight. Happy, on the other hand, is defined as a feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Happiness is generally fleeting and temporary while joy is a true sense of utter and permanent delight. When things go well you are happy but if you have true joy, you remain in that state even when things aren’t going so well. Maybe because you have faith? And hope? And trust?

Another key difference between the two are their source. Happiness is typically reached externally through things like possessions, success, or special events. Joy, on the other hand, is more internal and spiritual and gained from inner guidance and peace. Happiness also tends to look at life through the here and now and on a surface level while joy looks more at the long-term picture.

It’s often said that happiness is a journey, not a destination, and whoever said that is right! Happiness is basically the feeling that you’re living a fulfilling life and is said to have three components:

• Emotional well-being. The presence of positive emotions like gratitude and hope and the absence of negative feelings like anger, anxiety, and sadness.
• Finding things and activities that fully engage your attention and pique your interest.
• The sense that your life has purpose or significance.

We experience happiness when our circumstances are pleasant and we’re relatively free from troubles. When circumstances change though, as they inevitably do, that happiness evaporates. We might say or convey we’re happy, but deep down we may be hurting, worried, or angry.

Taking a nap can make you happy, as can eating a delicious meal, getting a job you’d hoped for, giving birth to a child, travelling somewhere you longed to, being around trusted and loyal friends, or when your favorite team wins a game. Then, they lose the next game and your happiness is gone. The feeling is gone. I speak from experience here. Have been there many times!

Joy, on the other hand, is not a temporary jolt of emotion and needs no outward stimulation. It is profound, resonates deep in our soul, and encompasses more than just a moment of pleasure or satisfaction. It springs from a deep sense of contentment or fulfillment and it endures in any circumstances regardless of what may come your way. In fact, it may grow stronger in adversity.

Not only do we all want to be happy and joyful, we all probably also want to be one of “those” people who radiate a sense of bliss and blessedness. So how do we get there?

 Maybe we should ask the Danes, as Denmark often ranks as one the happiest countries on earth. Their concept of prioritizing social connections and community support even has its own word: “hygge.” Danes firmly believe that coziness and togetherness contribute to overall happiness and make it a point to have their homes, offices, and anything else follow the hygge model.

We could also ask Spanish speaking countries as my friend Paula so brilliantly pointed out when I was telling her I was working on this blog. She reminded me that “estar contenta” and “ser feliz” may seem like duplicate Spanish phrases, but they’re not. To know this, you have to understand the difference between both ser and estar and contento and feliz. Vamanos!

“Contenta” is usually tied to shorter spans of time. You can be “contenta” because you passed an exam for example. “Feliz” is used for both short and long periods of time and is generally viewed as a stronger feeling.

You can say “estar contenta” and “estar feliz” and can also say “ser feliz” but not “ser contenta.” Ser refers to defining characteristics while estar refers to states and conditions. Contento is the state of being happy and is almost always used with estar. Feliz is a characteristic of being happy and traditionally used with ser. It’s also my niece’s middle name!

It’s important to remind ourselves that God wants us to be happy. Throughout scripture Jesus talks about joy and Galatians 5:22-23 spells out that the Fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Is “happy” on that list? Nope. Is “joy?” Yep. To experience joy, true joy, you need the Holy Spirit. In your life. In your heart. In your soul.

Best-selling author of “The Purpose Driven Life” Ken Warren came up with a definition of joy after studying scripture. He writes, “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” Amen to that!

Linus gets it, right? They say truly joyful people let insults role off their backs, are generally kind and gentle and are, for lack of better words, a joy to be around. I think of my brother-in-law Frank here. Frank, who happens to be a Catholic deacon, rarely gets flustered or angry, has gallantly lived through many a tragedy, and is pleasant to share company with. He’s got it. He gets it.

We should also long to spread happiness and scatter joy as described in James 1:2. “Happy is the person who has learned the secret of being content with whatever life brings and then shares this secret with other who need encouragement.” Encourage others. Show them joy.

In the end and regardless of their differences, it’s important that we make room for both happiness and joy in our lives as both are positive and uplifting emotions and have their place in creating an emotionally-balanced and fulfilling life. That, makes me happy and brings joy to my heart.