Beyond Words

“Shoulders never gain weight.”

Donna Karan

Have you looked around in clothing stores lately or flipped through a fashion magazine? If so, you’ve probably noticed a trend that’s all the rage: the “cold shoulder.” I’m not talking being rude or being a snob, I’m talking fashion’s flirty hot style that’s flattering on almost everyone.

It’s all about the off-the-shoulder look this spring and summer and it’s looking good!  Don’t shrug those shoulders ladies, bare them! Everything from totally dropped shoulders to peek-a-boo shoulders to cut-outs to split sleeves is all the rage. They are all fun and they are absolutely fab!

Being a woman of a certain age and size, I personally have yet to try the design, but everything I read and look at assures me that the flowy form works and works well on all women. Spring runways were chalk-full of them and the breezy look is the perfect thing to pack for that summer vacay. So start shopping for a shoulder silhouette (try saying that three times!) and join the obsession of showing and showing off your clavicles!

Here are just a few ideas:

I’m obsessed with this Trina Turk “Neville” dress:

I also like this black and white Verdi II blouse and Jewels by Jen’s asymmetric stunner:

If you’re on the fence about the off-the-shoulder idea, look for the option of wearing the shoulders up or wearing them down like on these two designs from Intermix:

The trend can be oh-so-casual through the likes of Johanna Ortiz, Tory Burch’s embroidered Eliza top, or festive polka dots:

Or you can glam and dress it up like Roza and Sonia Rykiel did here:

And how stunning does Selena Gomez look in this drapey dream by Camilla and Marc:

Slacks love a good shoulder from Moda Operandi or an H&M bodysuit:

Full figured? No problem. Michael Kors and Aidan Mattox gotcha covered:

And if that’s not enough, here’s The Row’s simple yet stunning Ninja top and a dress I’m drooling over:

As with any fashion trend, be sure to do it subtly, age-appropriately, and affordably. And as you can see from all of the above, keep the jewels at home. The style screams “clean line” and anything around your neck or dangling from your ears will only hurt the look. Have fun shopping and share your shoulder stories and buys!

Disciples believe that Jesus can perform miracles, right? Easter is considered His biggest miracle but why did He choose to keep His crucifixion scars? We live in a world that is fascinated with implants, fillers, and changing how we look but maybe we should be taking a cue from Jesus and accept our scars and flaws as testaments to our growth and our real beauty.

Much to our chagrin and as hard as we try to hide them and apply fading creams to them, most scars never completely go away. Jesus chose to keep His. He had wounds on His hands, His feet, His sides, and His head. Had He been crucified in Hollywood instead of Jerusalem, he probably would have been pressured to fix those wounds and fix them fast.

None of us were born perfect though, so our constant dream of the perfect body, perfectly white teeth, and perfect skin can never be perfectly accomplished. At some point, we need to accept who we are and just try to be healthy.

I don’t know about you, but when I see someone who’s had plastic surgery I rarely think, “Wow, she looks great!” Instead, I think, “Wow, she’s had some work done!” No one is fooling anyone. A 50-year-old woman is not meant to look like a 20-year-old one. It looks fake and why is fake considered good? People abhor fake ingredients in food, fake jewelry, and even fake personalities but fake faces? Somehow they’re okay? I can’t.

This wasn’t always the case. In fact, “plastic surgery” was not meant to be artificial and originally had nothing to do with synthetic materials. The “plastic” comes from the Greek word “plastikos,” which means “to mold” or to “give form.” In its truest form, this type of surgery can do amazing things, none of which includes Botox injections or cheek fillers. Anyone with deformities or true discomfort as well as victims of fires, accidents, and other injuries can be repaired and renewed by the skilled hands of a talented plastic surgeon. But, I totally agree with author Graeme Simsion who wrote in his wonderful “The Rosie Project” book, “It’s an incredible waste of surgical skill – inserting synthetic materials purely to alter appearance.”

The term “plastic surgery” was first used by German surgeon Karl Graefe in his book “Rhinoplastik,” published in 1818. Graefe is considered the pioneer of reconstructive surgery and developed many techniques. He often performed surgeries to treat cleft palates, drooping eyelids, and other medically necessary procedures. He died in 1840 and would probably be dismayed at how the industry has changed.

Today famous plastic surgeons have their own reality TV shows and sport trophy wives to display their wares. We are so focused on being “pretty” but why aren’t we just as willing to be make changes to be pretty nice, pretty smart, pretty giving, and pretty good?

The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports that for the first time ever, last year Americans spent more than $13.5 billion on aesthetic procedures, up $1.5 billion from 2014. Billion, with a B. Liposuction is the most common procedure, followed by breast augmentations, tummy tucks, eyelid surgeries, breast lifts, rhinoplasty, and overall skin tightening. “Fat transfers to the face” (okay, why?!) are now in the top 10 while buttock augmentations/lifts/implants are also on the rise (again, why?!). And if you’re wondering about Botox and other injectables, well there were more than 6 million of them done. Big money. Big business. Big risks.

What has happened to aging gracefully and respect for natural beauty? I for one pity the formerly beautiful Priscilla Presley who has clearly gone under the knife one too many times.

But it’s not just mature women who are having work done. Young girls are also lining up to have their lips plumped and brows lifted. Take Kylie Jenner for example. She’s been going under the knife to totally alter her face since she was 16 or 17-years-old. What is that skin going to look like when it’s 60? What message is she sending to her millions of fans and followers? Ironically, the one member of Kylie’s notorious family who is actually making a living off her looks, model Kendall, is also the only one who has not had plastic surgery. Go figure.

I bite my tongue as I say this, but maybe we should all take a cue from Kendall Jenner and live in our own skin. Yes, we’re not all as stunningly beautiful as she is, but to Jesus we are. Scars and all.

I’m officially out of gas. As in exhausted. Burned out. In desperate need of refueling.

This weekend is the first in three that I’m home and not boarding a plane or packing a suitcase. Granted, my escapes were all for pleasure, but I couldn’t be more grateful than to just stay home today. And tomorrow. And Sunday. Maybe Monday I’ll venture out. Maybe not.

I adore a comfort zone every now and then and am thriving in mine right now, so if there was a “dislike” button for the above, I’d use it. It kinda goes hand-in-hand with something I read on one of those flights I mentioned above, which I both agree and disagree with. The magazine article pull-quote read: “According to a study by Cornell University, investing in travelling makes us happier than acquiring physical objects. The reason: routine is one of the great enemies of happiness.” Yes, perhaps but also N to the N-O!

I have been cuh-raving my routine. I’m a nester and the great enemy of my happiness is too much chaos and too much commotion. Of course a travel magazine is going to encourage travel right? Another magazine article I read however was all about boycotting busyness. I’m on board that train, wherever it’s going!

Why oh why is being busy considered such a noble thing anyway?

The New “B” Word: Busyness

As Phil Ressler of “Greater Things Today” writes, “we wear busyness as a badge of honor.” Porque pray tell? Maybe it’s because it seems like everyone else is busy so if you’re not busy, you must be either untalented, lacking friends, or just plain lazy. But, busyness is not always good and surprise, it doesn’t always translate into effectiveness. In fact, being too busy all the time leads to only one thing: burn out.

“Most people are so busy knocking themselves out trying to do everything they think they should, they never get around to do what they want to do.” Kathleen Winsor

In our struggle to appear busy and therefore “important,” we end up spending lots of time on things that don’t really matter. Or, we stuff our lives with things we do enjoy but end up feeling overwhelmed, overscheduled, and end up not enjoying what we thought we would. In this sense, we might be busy doing things we love, but the fact that we never slow down and calm down is still not good.

Even more alarming, as Jennifer Boykin recently blogged, is that why our schedules are so full is as critical as the fact that they are full. Sometimes busyness is unavoidable, but sometimes we fill our days with things because we are running from something we don’t want to emotionally address. We tell ourselves, “If I stay busy I won’t have time for that issue,” but what we are avoiding will ultimately catch up with us.

It’s a fact of life that corporate America (and the world for that matter) travels for work, but I’ve never been one to be impressed with the constant talk of business travel, frequent flyer miles, and all the global glam they get to see in between meetings and presentations. It’s almost like I feel more sorry for them then envy. Same goes for those constantly scheduling dinners and get-togethers. If my get-togethers this weekend consist of me, Smitty, and Boomer watching The Masters and going to mass, I’m okay with that.

This societal insecurity of feeling most validated only when we’re depleted is also making its way into the lives of our teens.

A recent study by the American Psychological Association revealed that teens reported higher stress levels than adults and about one-third of them feel overwhelmed. Kids are apparently modeling their parents; parents who are too busy for their own business and are not handling their stress well. Cue the craziness.

It seems for kids and adults alike “downtime” has turned into a bad word. Social media is partly to blame, as we feel the need to always be “on” and “up” on various sites but we also need to look directly in the mirror and learn to be okay with being still. Just. Be. Still.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to travel, I love to learn new things, and I love checking something off any one of my numerous “to do” lists, but I also love to be in my home and chill. I’m comfortable alone and okay with not attending every event. We all should be. It’s important to tell yourself you don’t have to do it all. Before agreeing to go somewhere or commit to something, ask yourself “will this enhance my life or complicate it?” And be honest. Even if the outing is something that seems pleasurable, the scheduling of it might not be.

Instead make a concerted effort to make more time to rest, relax, and refuel. For some that might mean working out, for others it might be curling up with a good book. Whatever works for you, do it. Only you will know if it calms you or stresses you.

I keep a book titled “Positive Quotes for Every Day” on my desk. I try to read it every day but haven’t had time (ugh!) to do so of late. So, before writing this very blog I picked it up and read today’s entry. Amazingly today’s positive quote for me is:

Sounds like a good idea.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day…the day when we’re all Irish, we wear green, we pinch family and coworkers, and the river in Chicago flows green…on purpose! It’s also the day when we see lots of shamrocks and four-leaf clovers, but what’s the difference between the two?

The shamrock has three leaves, is considered a clover plant, and is the national symbol of Ireland. Legend has it that it’s what St. Patrick used to teach the Holy Trinity when he travelled in Ireland as a Christian missionary. Patrick was actually born in Great Britain but was captured by Irish pirates when he was 16. He later escaped, returned home, but ultimately heard his calling in the Emerald Isle where he later served as bishop. He is considered the country’s patron saint and March 17, the date of his death, is both a religious and national holiday in Ireland.

My bookmark on a cross of St. Patrick

A four-leaf clover on the other hand, is the result of a mutation in the clover plant that causes it to sprout four leaves instead of the normal three. These four-leaf wonders are very rare and are considered a universal symbol of good luck. May you find one today!

It’s also interesting to note that the Union Jack, the flag of the United Kingdom, is made up of three different crosses:

On that note I will leave you with what is my favorite of the many Irish blessings and sayings:

(Kim Throckmorton-Kimmel photography)

I read a blog today on idolizing and was most struck by the fact that it talked about today’s idols are sometimes the regular people in our lives and not just the people I thought it would mention: movie stars, athletes and other famous celebs. Yes, we will probably forever look up to our favorite athletes and religious mentors but whoever it is we idolize, we put on a pedestal. That’s when, my friends, we tend to be let down because the higher the pedestal, the bigger the fall. It might be my Oklahoma Sooners who let me down, but it could also very well be my daughter or my husband. And vice-versa.

I feel let down today by someone I don’t idolize per se, but who I admire and respect: Marco Rubio. I was let down by his recent stooping to Donald Trump’s juvenile level of personal insults and by his dismal showing in his home state of Florida’s presidential primary yesterday. It appears my pick for president has officially suspended his campaign. He was supposed to be my American Idol but instead he’s now merely “the voice” behind that face. I’ve liked Rubio since the 2012 election and wished then that Mitt Romney would have picked him as his running mate (and still think he would have won if he had.) But now, I’m left without a candidate, a pervasive mood among both Republicans and Democrats I fear.

“A democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.” Thomas Jefferson

Maybe we put our politicians on waaaaay too high of pedestals and then become angry when they don’t live up to their campaign promises. We also expect waaaay too much from them.

Take the “free college” guarantee being thrown around by Democrats. Think about it. Is that really possible? Cue the critics but who will pay professor and staff members’ salaries? How will the electric and internet bills be paid by the hundreds of universities? I’m looking at you Harvard, purveyor of all things progressive.

Free is never free. It bears repeating: free is never free. And what about worth? Doesn’t something need to have value in order to be desired? Well if everyone can get a college education at no cost, what is the value of that degree? In addition, who will choose to take on the jobs all societies need like plumbers, and builders, and electricians if they can instead go to college for free? And that wall Donald Trump vows to build and make Mexico pay for it? Does anyone really and truly believe that is going to happen? Uh…no.

“If God wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so everyone had braces on their legs.” Forrest Gump

It all goes back to expecting our candidates to be someone they simply are not and cannot be. Bernie Sanders can no easier promise free college to everyone in the U.S. than I can. His Socialistic “spread the wealth” philosophy has failed every time it’s been tried in other countries (please see Cambodia, Romania, Poland, East Germany, and a little place called the Soviet Union) and his “I’m on your side” tirade is, well, tired. Why is working hard, sacrificing, and succeeding suddenly been a bad thing? Nationalizing the economic production of our country will not work. Capitalism and private sector incentives will. Remember, government does not invest, it spends. It won’t invest in you and your family and what it spends is other people’s money. Your money. It can also raise taxes to increase capital. Your taxes. What is left is a dependent society not increased production or drive. It’s not social justice as elitists would have you believe, it’s, in the words of Winston Churchill, “the sharing of misery.”

“Does it ever get cold on the moral high ground?” Downton Abbey

But all those uniformed protestors and “I want it all” millennials don’t realize all of this. They hear “free” and they vote. Ugh. We have become a society that only hears what it wants to hear and what sounds good rather than one that uses its critical thinking and common sense. And yet, any candidate who tells potential voters “you deserve more and you deserve better” is often judged on their good intentions rather than on their results. No one blames them for making unreasonable promises because “they care.” Ballyhoo. I call B.S. When I hear current complaints about inequality and underrepresented that Sanders and Hillary Clinton preach to their supporters, all I can think is “but you’ve had control for the past eight years!” Maybe all that “hope and change” was unrealistic or maybe it had more to do with fundamentally changing America as a whole and less on giving hope to real Americans.

Not everyone reading this will agree with me, and that’s okay. I can’t expect everyone to think like me and have the same opinions as me. The “Greater Things Today” blog also said doing so is another way we put people on too high of pedestals. I have a lot of respect for some of my friends who I disagree with and I also realize that what I feel or believe is not always entirely right. At the same time I need to realize that who I do admire (and idolize?) will undoubtedly disappoint me.

Worshipping your own good works is also a form of idolatry and one to steer away from. So you’ve completed a marathon, quit drinking, or reached a work goal. Those are all great accomplishments and deserve praise, but it’s wrong to think that because of doing so you are complete and have no other changes to make or goals to reach. Be careful of idolizing yourself just as you are cautious of idolizing others.

As for me, I’ll take my Marco off his political pedestal and continue to search for the next true American idol.

Oh, the Oscars. I stomached as much as I could last night and kept going back to the yawn fest wondering all the while, why. Joining us was my niece and nephew-in-law. He is from Japan and it was the first time he’d ever watched American classic. Needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed for the U.S. The glitz and glam just weren’t there. Instead they were once again replaced by social and political whining.

I thought Chris Rock was funny at first, but his constant racial jabs grew tiresome real fast. And the politics. Double yawn. Sam Smith, a singer no less, wins an OSCAR and all he talks about is his sexual orientation. Leo wins his first Academy Award and proceeds on a tirade about climate change. People, you make millions pretending. Please stop pretending you can also save the world. But I digress…

Moving on to what really matters…the gowns! Here then is my recap:

Pity poor Emily Blunt who had to share the stage with this…

Charlize Theron once again owned the red carpet in her amazing fiery red Dior. Just knowing she would be on the red carpet would make me say, “Okay, you win” even prior to the event. Case closed next case.

And shame on me for saying Hilary Swank hasn’t been heard from in years in my pre-Oscar blog. The girl still has it and this Michael Kors number that she graced the after parties in proved it. Loved the sparkles. Loved the simple slitted skirt. Even loved the shoes.

I also thought Naomi Watts looked stunning in her embellished Armani Prive as did sweet Jennifer Gardner in black Versace. Ben who?

A wicked case of “who wore it best” goes to Reese Witherspoon in Oscar de la Renta and Tina Fey in Atelier Versace. Both purple numbers were stunning but can you say awkward?

I thought Rachel McAdams killed in in this body con green August Getty stunner, which as my niece said, consisted of very unforgiving fabric.

Mindy Kaling. Who knew? She looked fabulous in this blue and black off-the-shoulder trained Elizabeth Kennedy. One of my “best dressed” for sure.

As obnoxious as she is, Sarah Silverman cleaned up well (at least in her clothing) in this understated and chic Zac Posen. Now if we could only work on her mouth.

Sofia Vergara generally looks hot on every Red Carpet albeit similar to any previous one, but I did like her strapless navy Marchesa ball gown. The girl knows what works on her curves and brings it. Every time.

I swooned over the movie “Brooklyn” but didn’t swoon over Saoirse Ronan’s emerald green Calvin Klein sparkler. I liked it but didn’t love it. And what’s up with two different earrings and why didn’t anyone ask her about them?

Best Actress winner Brie Larson looked flowy and airy in her ruffled periwinkle Gucci but again, it was okay to me. Didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it. (Hated her hair though…more on that later.)

I have to include OU grad Olivia Munn in this elegant one-shoulder Stella McCartney. So simple and so stunning but orange? C’mon Olivia!

Kate Bosworth wasn’t on the Red Carpet but when I saw photos of her at after parties in this gray Ralph and Russo I knew she had to make my list of faves.

Every year there is that one couple that kills it. Brad and Angelina. Matthew and Camila. George and Amal. This year that award goes to Jennifer Flavin and Sylvester Stallone. Her black Saint Laurent was breathtaking. Sly might not have won the Oscar but his wife took home the gold fashion-wise. (Speaking of couples, can someone please get Gwen Stefani a dress? We get it girl. You stole the much younger husband but you’re a mom of boys! Hash tag act your age.)

Now for the hair. I thought it was so underwhelming last night. Middle part. Slicked back. No style. But that’s just me. Thank you Reese for keeping it real.

My “in between” look…wanted to love but something kept me from doing so…was Rooney Mara’s. There was just too much going on for my liking. I loved the beading and the winter white, but would have adored it more minus the slit and the layered bottom. And as Shawn Mullins one time sang, “she’d be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while.”

As for disappointments, hate me all you want but I thought Cate Blanchett’s gown was just that, disappointing. Commentators called it sea foam green, I saw 80’s mint green. And, as my niece commented, it was very “arts and craftsy.” Totally agree. It was a Pinterest creation well-done.

I also loathed Best Supporting Actress Alicia Vikander’s yellow high-low, bubble hemmed number. I thought high-low was out. The Danish winner looked more Disney’s Belle than Hollywood movie star.

This truly breaks my heart to write, but Jennifer Lawrence was no bueno last night. The black lace tiered gown just didn’t live up to her impeccable Red Carpet rep. First time she’s failed to impress and it hurts.

Then there’s super model Heidi Klum. Did I say super model? Then why does she always stink up the Red Carpet? Heidi, please, get a new stylist.

But, my worst dressed of the night? Newly crowned “Sports Illustrated” cover model Ashely Graham. The plus-sized sensation is everywhere now, but when she showed up on E! News’ Red Carpet coverage show I about died. No, no, and just no.

What about you? Agree or disagree? Who were your favorites? Who wasn’t? Please share!

Like many of you, millions of Americans, and millions more worldwide, I will be in front of the television tomorrow night watching the Academy Awards. It’s not because I loved the nominated films (although I did LOVE “Brooklyn”) or that those Hollywood types are on my list of “people who I admire the most.” Nope, it’s because….fashion! Truth be told, I’ll probably watch several of the pre-show Red Carpet specials, tune in to see Chris Rock’s intro, stick around for the Best Supporting Actor and Actress awards, then check out until the last hour or so. Who knows, if it’s good and not overly political, I might stick around for the whole thing.

But, let’s get back to the “who are you wearing?” question rather than the “and the Oscar goes to” statement.

Yes, I will wait with bated breath to see Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio’s handsome selves, but sorry men; the Red Carpet is all about the babes. I can’t wait to see what nominees Jennifer Lawrence, Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, and Rachel McAdams arrive in as they are pretty bankable as not only actresses but style stars. Julia Roberts, Helen Mirren, Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Lupita Nyongo, and Emma Stone also often take my breath away and I’m hoping they do so again this year.

There’s no telling what anyone will show up in and who will make the “Best Dressed” and “Worst Dressed” lists so while we wait, I thought I’d share my top Oscar style picks from years past.

Let’s start with one of this year’s nominees, Jennifer Lawrence. Can I just say JLaw is kind of amazing? Her 2014 red peplumed Dior was simple yet stunning and when she wore her necklace backwards in 2013 jaws dropped. She gets it.

Someone else who, in my opinion, almost always gets it is Renee Zellwegger. A Carolina Herrera fan (as am I), Zellwegger was on point in both 2003 and 2004.

Someone who knows how to dress for her shape is the uber-talented Octavia Spencer. In both 2012 and 2013 she honored Adashi Shoji by chosing his masterpieces and she killed it both times. When you find a design that works, stick with it.

My “most memorable but still chic” awards go to Sharon Stone, Nicole Kidman, and Halle Berry. Stone’s decision in 1988 to pair her lavender Vera Wang skirt with her husband’s Gap shirt was brilliant (as was her newly cropped hair), Kidman’s embroidered chartreuse John Galliano column stole the attention away from even her famous escort in 1997, and who can ever forget Berry’s delicious Elie Saab creation in 2002? She won not only the Oscar that year, but “Best Dressed” as well.

Looking back at Hollywood’s true glamour years, one can only admire Julie Andrews’ simple canary gown that she elegantly paired with gloves and a white stole to accept her Oscar in 1964, while the equally elegant Grace Kelly donned Edith Head’s mint green satin number. Not to be outdone by anyone, Marilyn Monroe glammed up the 1951 Oscars in a black tulle gown that she borrowed from the 20th Century Fox wardrobe department.

Perhaps the most elegant of all elegant, Audrey Hepburn spiced up her trademark Little Black Dress with a fun polka-dot and striped number in 1988 but returned to her simple glamour with a one-shoulder hot pink Givenchy in 1992. No one does it better. No one.

Charlize Theron usually does it well too. Her white two-piece Dior in 2013 was both striking and fun and I adored her “hidden illusion straps” black Dior in 2015.

A somewhat new but reliable style star is the likable Emma Stone. Her red bow-tied Giambattista Valli in 2012 and pulled back hair were perfection and I’m still obsessed with her 2015 Sag Awards black Dior allusion skirt and 2015 Golden Globes black Lanvin embellished top and pants so I’m including them here. Perfection.

Hilary Swank. Haven’t heard that name in a while but boy could she bring it. Her olive green Randolph Duke gown was glamorous enough in 2000 but what stole the show and still has me saying “that’s just sick,” was her stunning Asprey & Garrard necklace that was originally designed for Queen Victoria’s daughters. In 2005 she showed everyone how proud she was of her killer body in a drapey and cut to “there” in the back blue Guy Laroche. Uh-mazing.

Gwyneth Paltrow will never be one of my faves, but the bubblegum pink Ralph Lauren she wore when she won the Oscar in 1999 will forever scream “Oscars” to me (ill-fitted as wrinkled as it was), and the caped winter white Tom Ford in 2012 was also award-winning in its own chic way.

Never a nominee and not even an actress Camila Alves regularly shows Hollywood how it’s done. The Brazilian bombshell and wife of Oscar winner Matthew McConaughey, Alves’ eggplant Donna Karan Atelier in 2015 was as gorgeous as her hubby and this wordsmith has no ample words to describe the incredible blush Gabriela Cadena she wore in 2015. Speechlessly spectacular.

One can never go wrong in basic black, as Reese Witherspoon, Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé, and Julia Roberts all proved. Witherspoon looked stunning with her hair in a pony and her Armani Prive in 2011, and it’s not so much Jolie’s Elie Saab number that I loved in 2009, but rather the incredible 115-carat Lorraine Schwartz earrings she wore with it. I still remember thinking, “wow!” when I saw them. Maybe it’s because emerald is my birthstone. Maybe it’s because they were insanely striking. In 2005 Beyonce was striking in a simple black velvet Versace. It was so refreshing to see her tone it down and strike a classy pose, as did Roberts holding her “Best Actress” Oscar in the forever memorable vintage Valentino in 2001.

Red can sometimes be a risky Red Carpet choice (you never want to blend in with what’s under your feet!), but Kate Winslet, Nicole Kidman, and Jennifer Hudson all proved it can be done. Winslet’s Ben de Lisi red silhouette with a floral strap was oh so pretty in 2002 while Kidman again rocked the red carpet in 2007 in what I still consider one of her best looks ever, a tomato red bowed-at-the-neck Balenciaga. And who looked better and more joyful than Jennifer Hudson in her orange-red Atelier Versace in 2011? New body, new Oscar, new “I’ve got it going on” attitude!

So what do you think? Who have been your favorites? What would you wear to the Oscars? It’s fun to dream, right?

I can only imagine. That was the title of a song magnificently sung during a funeral I attended this past week. It’s a popular song and it’s a gorgeous song. In it, MercyMe wonders if one will dance upon reaching heaven, or will one fall to their knees or just be still. It always makes one think and it had the congregation hushed and reflective.

It’s never easy to attend a funeral but this one was inspiring in so many ways.

First off, the celebrant, who was a family member visiting priest, compared life to the departed’s love of golf. Apparently this loving man had a wicked slice but still loved the game. He had faith in his game and such is life said Father Bobby. Life is often all over the place, full of slices and hooks and even many a sand trap and bogey, but through it all we still have faith. We have faith that at the end of our ultimate round, we will find our true game and our glorious eternity.

As hard as it is to attend a funeral, it’s even harder to find the new normal once a loved one is gone. The calls stop coming, the hugs disappear, and people move on with their lives. Reality sets in and pain resurfaces. I loved what Father Bobby told the family though when he said, “Life changed, but it didn’t end.” For their loved one, life is now at its fullest and although theirs is forever changed, they too can only imagine what lies ahead. He lived a good and full life and was loved by all. That’s all we can ask, even as our hearts break and our souls ache. Life’s challenges are designed not to break us though, but to bend us toward God. At times like this however, we stiffen up and it all seems so difficult but as Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently said, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

As I sat in the service, wiping tears when “The Peace Prayer of St. Francis” was sung, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own life and those I love and cherish.

Fresh off my annual college girls’ trip, I felt beyond grateful for these four gal pals of nearly 30 years. Being with them brings true joy and laughter to my life and I feel energized when I’m with them (albeit frumpy as well, surrounded by their beauty and impeccable style) and always learn something from each one of them.

I’m always happy to return home though. My sister is in town with my new grand-nephew (I constantly remind my niece that I’m officially a “great” aunt!) and I love spending time with them and my husband. I also enjoy being back at work, and as I sat in the funeral and noticed two entire pews of colleagues there supporting our co-worker who lost her dad, I couldn’t help but get chills and tear up once again. How beautiful it was to see these busy but loyal women drop everything on their day off and come be as one.

This is what life, and death, is all about. It’s not about money or power or things, it’s about the people you love and who love you. It’s about living a life that results in every putt dropping and the caddie of all caddies carrying you through every round. I can only imagine.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the day Lent officially begins and the day many of us vow to “give up” something. Lent is not just a Catholic thing, as many would believe, but is also observed in Anglican, Lutheran, Methodist, and Eastern Orthodox faiths. Considering that its purpose is to draw us closer to God and to be more Christ-like, what’s not to recognize about it by all believers?

Why the Ashes?

To address the elephant in the room, Catholics around the world will gather in churches tomorrow to receive blessed ashes on their foreheads in the shape of a cross. The ashes come from burnt and blessed Palm Sunday palms and symbolize the “ashes to ashes” scripture from Genesis 3:19. They also remind the faithful of their sinfulness and the need to make changes in their lives. Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and ends Holy Thursday, March 24. Sundays are not included as days of abstention or fasting.

Now that the specifics are out of the way, let’s move on to the more spiritual aspects.

Give Up and Give

In mass this past Sunday Deacon Dean gave a sermon that was the kind of sermon I wish we got every week. I left church feeling both fed and inspired. His message to us was to use Lent as a time to grow closer to God step-by-step, day-by-day, so when the day comes that we take our final step, it is an easy one. Loved the analogy.

But why do we “give up” something at Lent? Tradition has it that we abstain from things that take our attention away from God. We try to watch less TV; eat less; and waste less time on computers and phones texting, emailing, and endlessly scrolling through social media sites like Facebook and Instagram. Sunday’s sermon so eloquently suggested we fast from things like those that distance us from God and instead use the time for more proactive and good things. It got me thinking.

What do I habitually do that distances me from God? In today’s ever-growing secular and spiteful world, so many things. So very many things.

Giving up certain foods is what most of us automatically think of. When I was growing up, we’d always give up candy. This made the sweet treats in our Easter baskets all the more rewarding. As I’ve grown up, I still give up a certain sweets (Swedish Fish and any and all gummy candies, which I love, if you must know!) as well as other things that may not take me away from God, but are sacrifices nonetheless. We sacrifice things during Lent to remind us of what Jesus sacrificed for us: his LIFE! But, what can I remove that takes me away from God? I thought about this in mass and am still contemplating it.

One idea I have is to read any type of spiritual book when I go to bed rather than turn to my IPad or TV. When I think of it that way, choosing the IPad or TV over praying or reading definitely leads me away from God. Bingo. I’m gonna give it my best shot! Maybe I’ll even start to like it.

Lent is all about just that: conversion. The goal isn’t just to abstain from something during the 40 days of Lent, but forever. It’s kind of like going on a diet or a fitness program. Your goal shouldn’t be to eat healthy only while dieting or to exercise only while trying to lose weight, but to take on those habits daily and regularly. Giving up sinful things and negative habits during Lent can be as difficult as giving up sodas, chocolate, or fast food, but eliminating them from your life all together is even tougher.

So, avoid those unhealthy sodas and mindless computer games, but how about also giving up things that take the joy out of our lives like resentment, complaining, pessimism, worry, anger, pettiness, and even gossip. As Deacon Dean said on Sunday, rather than seeing homeless people at your car window at a stoplight as an annoyance, think of them as an opportunity to serve Jesus. He suggested giving them socks and underwear as they have nowhere to do laundry so once their undies get old or soiled, they have no choice but to throw them out. How hard is it to keep sock and underwear in your car? Not very.

We tend to look at those homeless souls as icky and dirty, but none of us are genuinely clean and pure. Consider Lent as an early exercise in “spring cleaning” and look at what you need to “clean” out in your “temple.” We all have cobwebs lurking behind all of our good intentions, but as they say, your beliefs don’t make you a good person, your behavior does.

Lastly, Deacon Dean reminded us that we are encouraged to offer up Prayer, Almsgiving, and Fasting during Lent. Prayer consists of our relationship with God, Almsgiving is our relationship with others, and Fasting is our relationship with ourself. Isn’t that how we should always prioritize things: God, others, and self? Tomorrow is a good day to start.

“Happiness comes to those who are fair to others and are always just and good.”

Psalm 106:1

“We are ALL brothers and sisters.” That was the message of today’s gospel and homily and they were both eye-opening and timely. They also go hand-in-hand with the above crayon photo, which is trending as the new and improved variation on skin colors and the coloring of them.

Leading off with the popular 1 Corinthians 13 “Love is patient, love is kind, love is not pompous or boastful…” reading, mass then turned to the gospel and Luke 4:21. In it, Jesus is not accepted by some even in his “native place” and He scolds others for not accepting lepers, foreigners, or anyone different from themselves. Fast forward to today’s world and you can’t help but see the correlation between the lepers of Jesus’ time and today’s refugees and immigrants.

Father’s homily was powerful and riveting. Sitting there, I’m certain I wasn’t alone in asking myself whether I’m welcoming to others. Do I tolerate differences? Do I accept even though I disagree? I’ve always joked that as a conservative Oklahoma Sooner living in uber- liberal and home of the Texas Longhorns, Austin, Texas I have no choice but to do just that if I want friends and co-workers who like me, but in all seriousness and in matters more important, yes but sometimes sadly no.

I’m human and have no shame in my game admitting that the global refugee crisis concerns me. Do I believe many of them are innocents? Yes, of course. Do I fear that hidden among them are potential terrorists and enemies of the free world? Absolutely. Would Jesus accept them? Probably so. Would he condone the recent string of rapes and sexual assaults committed by them in Germany, Sweden and other countries that have welcomed them with open arms? Probably not. Do I want them next door to me? Sadly, no. Do I want them living next to my daughter. Again, no.

Does all this make me a bad person and a non-Christian? I pray not. What about you? Think deep and think hard about it and be honest with yourself.

“Comfort those who are scared and help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.

Always be joyful and always keep praying. This is God’s will.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14

Father also spoke about St. Francis calling everyone his “brothers and sisters” and encouraged us to do the same. All people…the rich, the poor, the gay, the straight, the right-wing, the left-wing, the black, the white. It’s a tall order but one we must strive to fulfill. Again, I struggle with doing so every day. I struggle on congested roadways. I struggle as I watch the news.  I even struggled in mass today as a young child made loud noises and was allowed to walk up and down the aisles all during mass. This annoyed me. His doing so was very distracting to me. Then I thought, “Would Jesus want him and his family in mass even though he was disruptive?” Yep, and double yep.  Back to “love is patient, love is kind,” right?

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Mother Teresa

Driving home from mass Smitty and I talked about judging people and being judgmental. What exactly do they mean?

Basically it’s having an overly critical view of someone and judging them too quickly and too harshly. It’s one thing to disapprove of someone’s actions and think you are better than them but it’s a whole other ballgame to do so based on what’s commonly considered right and wrong. It’s a fine line and one we all walk on a daily basis.

As you start your work week try to be less judgmental and think of ways you can maybe be more patient, more kind, less rude, and less self-seeking. I promise to do the same.