Beyond Words

It seems like everywhere I look recently, someone I know is celebrating a wedding anniversary.  I previously wrote about a friend celebrating her 25^th anniversary in Disney, and now she is joined by my sister’s recent 41^st anniversary, my friend Jack’s 60^th, and friends in the neighborhood who celebrated their 21^st anniversary…on his birthday! I can’t think of a better birthday present than a best friend for life and soul mate.

Weddings are also all around me right now. Kristen’s friends are getting engaged and my nephew recently got married. This isn’t a blog about getting married though, it’s a blog about staying married. It’s a blog about marriage.

While driving back from Dallas yesterday Bruce Springsteen’s “Tunnel of Love” came on and it got me thinking even deeper about marriage and the state of it in our world. For those of you who aren’t Bruce fanatics like me, The Boss’ “Tunnel of Love” album was written during a time in his life when his marriage was struggling. Listen to words of the title song, “Brilliant Disguise,” “Two Faces” or “One Step Up” and it’s clear the 1987 album is anything but one filled with love songs.

Springsteen is not the only one who would agree that marriage is tough. There is no denying that. Smitty and I are in our 29^th year (more than half my life!) and every day I’m grateful we are not part of the “nearly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce” statistic. I’ve always thought anniversaries are a bigger deal than birthdays and no amount of effort to change the definition of marriage or the rise in divorce rates can change that. A married couple makes it through another year? That, my friends says a lot.

My director posted that earlier this week and I really, really like it. It speaks not of perfection but of performance and perseverance, sacrifice and sentiment. It speaks of giving, not receiving. Things that truly help a marriage perform better.

There are many things that contribute to a healthy marriage, including the famous “3 C’s of Marriage:” compassion, communication, and commitment.  Most who claim their marriages are strong say it’s due to the constant presence of trust, respect, selflessness, common interests, a shared faith, honesty, touch, loyalty, a healthy sex life, laughter, and sharing…sharing feelings, sharing joys, and sharing life.

On the flip side, there are certain things that may increase the chances of divorce, including genetics, where you live, income, education level, and family history. No one goes into a marriage with anything less than hopes for a long and happy one but as with any rules, there are exceptions. You would think that after 40 years of marriage one would feel pretty secure in it but that’s not always the case as I just this week discovered when my girlfriend told me her friend’s wife up and left him after 40 years of marriage. Seems she just didn’t want to be married to him anymore. Wow.

Then there’s my friend who recently received a beautiful wedding ring in honor of her and her husband’s 25^th anniversary. This from a man who is not emotional or romantic at all and who totally surprised her with it. Yes it is a stunner of a ring, but that’s not the point. The point is he went out of his way to make her feel special and wanted. It probably could have been cubic zirconia and she still would have appreciated the effort, the gesture, and the words that came with it.

I like to think of marriage as just that: teamwork. Team members don’t necessarily “keep score” all the time though, but instead support each other, help each other, cheer for each other, and value each other’s strengths and weaknesses without demanding equality or superiority. It’s also a sacrament and it is most definitely a gift.

Making someone feel loved and noticed is, in my opinion, also huge in a marriage. But that’s me. Respect and appreciation also rank up there and are all part of the bestselling book “The Five Love Languages.” The book, which millions of couples have read and swear by, works around the premise that unhappiness in marriage often has a simple cause: the husband and wife speak different love languages. Author Dr. Gary Chapman identifies the five love languages as Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Think about it: if your husband only speaks French and you only speak German, you will never understand each other. Literally. Figuratively it’s the same with love languages. If you desire more “quality time” you will not understand his “acts of service” and vice versa. It’s all about “filling each other’s love tank.” If you don’t work to fill it up, kinda like the Marriage Box, it will become empty and ultimately stop working, the results of which are indifference and perhaps even cheating. The mere thought of either makes my skin crawl and my heart ache.

In the end, love is a choice and marriage can be its fabulous reward. You choose how you show that love to the certain someone you chose to share your life with. I’m so happy for all my friends celebrating engagements, weddings, and anniversaries and wish them years of joy, friendship, and a box full of love and respect.

Okay,  I admit it: I’m monogrammed out. Something I’ve always loved is beginning to make me crazy. Why? Because as with any good thing, we are beating a dead horse and in this case its initials are STM as in “Stop The Madness!”

For years I have really, really liked monograms. I love them on robes and towels, stationery and gold charms. I didn’t grow up with monograms and discovered them in college. Maybe it was the preppy ‘80s or maybe it was the Greek life, but it was love at first sight for me. Back then they were reserved for special items but today they are everywhere! On the back of a car? No, no, and just no!

I remember the day when you had to take something to be monogrammed. Today all you need do is step into any gift or home store and voila, anything and everything you want is already monogrammed for you! Wine glasses. Hand towels. Make-up cases. It’s all there ready to purchase. Sigh.

A Royal History

Monograms are considered one of the oldest forms of identification and really took off in the Victorian era. It was then, during Queen Victoria’s reign in the 19^th century that the bourgeoisie took to monogramming everything and anything. Kinda sounds like what’s happening today.

Originally they were used as a sign of royalty and status. It wasn’t uncommon to see a royal or aristocrat’s initials on everything from dishes, to flags, to weapons, to coats-of-arms. Greeks and Romans were even known to put their initials on coins of their ruling entities. Artists in the Middle Ages signed their work with monograms and even today you can often tell when an artist painted something by the initials they used to sign it. For instance, Rembrandt originally signed his works with RH but later switched to RHL.

Technically a monogram is a set of letters combined in a decorative way to identify a person’s belongings. Consider them a type of branding if you will. They have been used for centuries and date as far back as Ancient Greece. I was surprised, however, to learn that the popular three-letter format wasn’t prevalent until the 18^th century.  Before that it was all about only two letters, which British royals still use.

Some of the most famous monograms can be found in the fashion world. Who hasn’t seen one of these logos and said the designer’s name along with it?

Today monogramming is no longer considered a signifier of wealth or status and its popularity is somewhat regional in the U.S. At Book Club this week I heard varied opinions. My friend from Maryland swears by them and gave each of her daughters a signet ring for graduation while another friend from Chicago basically said ixnay on monogramsay.

Good to know that everyone hasn’t jumped on the current monogram madness but enter a store or flip through a catalog and you’ll find choices ad nauseam. Still, in many ways it’s liked by those who are either very traditional or classically old school. I’d say it’s biggest in the south and then perhaps in prepster parts of the northeast.

Two of my favorite designs:

I’ve always considered a monogram somewhat formal and reserved for special items. Monogrammed pillow shams and note cards? Yes, I’m all in. If you have any monogrammed heirlooms from grandma or great Aunt Jean, consider them real keepers.  Monogramming is also a great way to personalize gifts for newlyweds and graduates. But, thinking of monogramming a wall? Think again!

Proper Protocol

In the case of gift giving, it’s recommended you stick with items that can be handed down from generation to generation, like jewelry or silver platters, rather than sweaters or glassware. Monogramming napkins and towels is also very popular. For napkins, place a monogram in the left corner because when folded in a triangle it will appear at the napkin’s point and when folded as a rectangle, it will be on the lower outside corner.

As with anything historic or highly traditional, there is a protocol for what to monogram, how to monogram, and what to leave well enough alone.  Monogram etiquette varies, but some things are tried and true.

Most popular is perhaps the Victorian format where your monogram includes your initials in this order, reading left to right: first name first initial, last name first initial, and middle name first initial with your last name initial slightly larger.  For Jane Ann Smith, the monogram would be JSA. If you prefer to use the same size font on the monogram, do so in your name’s order.  Jane Ann Smith would be JAS with all letters being the same size. Couples are a whole other story.  Tradition is to do the monogram in this order: bride’s first name initial, groom’s last name initial, groom’s first name initial. Thus, Jan and Dan Smith’s monogram would be JSD, with the S being slightly bigger. A bride can also personalize her belongings using her maiden name initial, as in Jane Davis Smith becoming JSD.

Confused? Don’t be. It’s all very simple once you think about it. The fun part is creating designs all your own using the plethora of fonts, styles, and thread colors out there. Ivory and gold is very traditional and according to Jane Scott and Southern Living magazine, is considered the “little black dress” of tablescaping. Other popular twists on tradition are using your entire name or just your last name initial in a bold and eye-catching manner.

Other new takes on the monogram is to incorporate a logo or graphic design with the letters and to use bold and mix-matched color:

When in doubt, think vintage. The older the better. I love the story about writer and monogram devotee Clare Perretta who told Forbes magazine that her initials are CJP, the same as her father’s, because her mom wanted her to be able to use all her dad’s monogrammed items. Genius!

I suggest you have fun with monogramming but don’t go overboard. The final rule of monogramming is to do it discreetly and with discretion.

The title of this blog brings back so many happy memories of that very titled Sunday evening show every week when I was growing up. Long before the days of videos, DVDs, and Netflix, my sisters and I waited to see what wonderful Disney movie was showing that night. I loved it. I loved every minute of it.

Lately I’ve been enjoying looking at posted photos of my friend, her husband, and their son on their recent trip to Walt Disney World. They looked like they were having a great time. Did I mention my friend’s son is 22-years-old and that she and her husband were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary? In Disney! Seems the magic of the Magic Kingdom doesn’t end when childhood does.

I’m lucky enough to have been to both Disneyland and Disney World. I visited the LA theme park with a high school organization when I was a senior and Smitty and I took Kristen to Orlando when she was younger (see photos below!) I’ve also seen the castle in Germany that inspired Cinderella’s castle, Neuschwanstein. Both Disney visits were so much fun, but I wouldn’t call myself a rabid Disney enthusiast or aficionado. I think I’m in the minority though.

I can only imagine how crowded Main Street is as I write this, as summer is a popular time for families to visit a Disney theme park. So, what better time to blog about all things Disney than now? Not so much a “how to see Disney on a budget” or “secrets to the perfect Disney experience” blog, this is more a “How cool is that?” essay on Disney: the man, the magic, the massive parks, and the myths.

In all, there are five Disney resorts: the original Disneyland in Anaheim, Orlando’s Disney World, and one each in Tokyo, Paris and Hong Kong. There is also a Disney Shanghai currently under construction. All of this would make Walt Disney himself shake his head and pat himself on the back. A common-sense Midwesterner, Disney was a self-made patriotic man who wanted to create someplace where people could “escape.” Needless to say, he was also a mastermind in his field and once Disneyland opened in 1955, the rest as they so eloquently say, is theme park history.

Although Anaheim lays claim to the first Disney theme park, Walt Disney World and its Magic Kingdom are undoubtedly the franchise’s crown jewels. When Walt first saw what was once a swamp in the middle of Florida, I don’t think even he would have ever predicted the place would welcome more than 50 million people every year and become the most visited theme park in the world.

“I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something

than educate people and hope they were entertained.”

Walt Disney

Yes the parks are cheesy but they are also extremely clean and they encourage you to embrace your inner child. Who doesn’t love seeing Winnie the Pooh, Goofy, Arial, and the other hundreds of other beloved Disney characters up close and personal? Old and young can have a great time. If you don’t believe me, just ask my friend Margaret!

As anyone who’s visited WDW knows, the place is ginormous. In fact, it encompasses 40 square miles and takes days to take in. It also can seem larger than life and in some ways, is.

Walt Disney’s genius incorporated a type of optical illusion called “forced perspective”  in planning the park. When you enter Magic Kingdom, the street actually narrows in the distance, creating the impression that shops go on forever and ever before culminating at the castle. In addition, when leaving the park and walking down Main Street, the same architectural trick is used to make the train station appear much closer than it is and buildings along Main Street appear taller than they really are because windows, awnings, signs and fixtures that are up high are way smaller than their counterparts on ground level. Then there’s the castle; WDW’s centerpiece. Although it’s a mere 189 feet high, it seems much taller because the windows, turrets, and bricks decrease in size as they go up and the top spire is half the size it should be so it all seems twice as tall.

All of this takes nothing away from the rides, the shows, and the live entertainment, which are not only savvy but satisfying. It’s not cheap though like it was back on opening day when admission was a mere $3.50. Today those three dollars won’t get you fairy dust. There’s something about the place though. Maybe it’s the magic. Maybe it’s the myths that surround it.

TRUE OR FALSE?

Is the scent of freshly-baked cookies really pumped in and around Main Street? Are the chirping birds really recordings? (The same rumor is said about The Masters golf tournament.)  Maybe I should ask Kristen’s college friend Natalie who worked at Disney. She stayed with us for a few days one summer while she auditioned. She got the part and boy would I love to hear her stories today!

One rumor that is true is that of the underground tunnels. But, these tunnels are simply ways employees…um actually “cast members” as all employees are called…get around the park quickly and efficiently. You can see some of them if you pony up for the five hour “Keys to the Kingdom” tour on which many of the “hidden” Mickey ears are also revealed. Apparently the world’s most famous mouse’s ears can be found hidden throughout the park, including on bricks, vehicle tire treads, windows, gate scrollwork, and even plate arrangements in restaurants.

One thing that’s not a mystery is how clean and impeccably kept WDW is. Walt Disney expected nothing less and his unparalleled attention to detail thrives to this day. You’ll never find gum for sale in a Disney park and garbage will never pile up. Trash, come to find out, is actually sucked through huge tubes under the park and discarded accordingly.

Sadly Walt Disney never got to see any of this, as he died of lung cancer in 1966. He would be so proud of it all though. “It’s A Small World” would undoubtedly enchant him and “Tower of Terror” would perhaps scare him. Me? I’m not a scary ride kind of girl. I hate to go upside down and being scared is not a fun or exciting feeling to me. I waited outside while Kristen and Smitty rode the Tower of Terror but spinning I love! Dumbo and the Tea Cups are my faves as was Splash Mountain. I also loved the Boardwalks and having breakfast with Cinderella in her castle.

Then there’s Epcot, which is twice as big as the Magic Kingdom at a whopping 305 acres. How awesome to visit recreations of nearly 15 countries one day and the next day go on an African Safari in Animal Kingdom. The world is on display at Disney and the world loves coming to it. Amazingly, in the nearly 45 years it’s been open, Walt Disney World has closed only four times. Three times because of weather and on 9/11.

As you enter Walt Disney World, the sign reminds you that it is “where dreams come true” and one of Walt Disney’s most famous quotes was “If you can dream it, you can do it.” His childlike dreams became grown-up realities that generations continue to enjoy. Maybe he was right all along in that all we all need is just a little pixie dust for our dreams to become happy ones.

We’ve all heard the term “metabolism” and that it somehow affects weight gain and weight loss, but what exactly is it?  I just finished reading a very interesting and informative article on the subject in “Redbook” magazine and of course thought, “This would make a great blog!” The article was a roundtable of sorts of various doctors and was full of easy to understand information that I’m hoping clears things up for you as well as it did for me.

Basically, one doctor said, metabolism can be considered your car engine and an engine that is forever running. No idle or neutral here. Just like a car engine, metabolism needs gas to keep going and the faster it goes, the more gas it needs. Just how much fuel your metabolism engine needs depends on how you’re built and how active you are,  Leaner, more muscular people are usually more active and burn more calories so they need more fuel. In other words, they need to eat more. Less active people need less fuel, ie: food.

This is where your basal metabolic rate comes in.  Your BMR is the number of calories you’d burn if you stayed in bed all day and did nothing. It’s basically your body’s resting state and is used to figure out how to lose weight or maintain weight. Don’t fret though, your BMR changes depending on your age, weight, and activity level.

Okay, so what does “boost your metabolism” even mean and why would you want to? Let’s review since it’s often a topic concerning weight loss. Your metabolism is the process of how your body functions and is the rate at which you expend the energy you take in from food. People with high metabolisms tend to be thin but seem to eat everything in sight. Hate them! This could be from genetics or from maintaining a healthy lifestyle and exercise regimen. People with low metabolisms tend to put on weight very easily even when they eat healthy. Of the calories you put into your body, about 60 percent are used by your metabolism and the remaining 40 percent is burned by exercise. Increasing exercise is easy, but since more calories are burned by your metabolism, it is also worth trying to boost your metabolism, which ironically can be done by exercising 4 times a week for one hour…and also eating smaller meals.

So, what to do, what to do now? It’s simple: eat right, workout, and get your rest!

Eat to Win

Let’s start with eating right. To keep your metabolism stable, it’s advised you eat a balanced diet of lean protein as well as fiber-rich good carbs like whole grains, fruits, and veggies. If possible, you should also include a healthy fat at each meal, especially breakfast. Why? Because fiber and good fats work together to boost your metabolism and help you feel full between meals and experience fewer cravings. What you don’t want to do is fall into the no-fat or low-fat approach because these products often have added sugar, which makes your metabolism climb but ultimately crash. Not good, right?

Get Moving!

So, more exercise. How and what though? Think HIIT, as in high-intensity interval training. I remember my wonderful trainer Lauren stressed this too. HIIT basically means short, intense intervals of a specific work-out routine in between slower ones. I’ll use a bike for example. Lauren would have me pedal one minute at a steady pace and then really push it for 15 or 30 seconds, then repeat. Again and again. You can do this running, walking, or on the stair step and treadmill too. This type of work-out burns a huge amount of calories.

Two other tips: include resistance training in your weekly exercise plan, which results in caloric burning even after your session is done. Yet another way to look at it is to think about constantly moving, even in just little ways. This could include taking things up and down stairs, cleaning, gardening, dancing, or anything that gets you moving. Experts call this moving around non-exercise activity thermogenesis, or NEAT, which is the process that produces heat in our bodies, making us expend more energy and increasing our BMR.

Time for Bed

Activity is important to maintaining a healthy metabolism, but so is rest and sleep. Research shows that people who don’t get enough rest have lower levels of ghrelin, the hormone that makes you feel full, and higher levels of leptin, the hormone that controls how hungry you feel. In other words, if you don’t get good sleep, you may always feel hungry and never really feel full. Not all of us need a full eight hours of sleep every night. Quality, not quantity, is the key here. You want to wake up feeling rested and restored.

The Thyroid

Something else that’s connected to metabolism that has always been a bit confusing and mysterious to me is the thyroid. According the article, the thyroid gland is the “master control” of metabolism and something that makes it perform really well and produces thyroid hormone is iodine. We all know where we often get iodine: that little blue tubular box with a girl holding an umbrella on it…salt! What are many of us trying to eliminate from our diets? Salt! Every time I buy salt I wonder why some is “iodized” and whether I should buy it or another type. Now I know. I also like sea salt but guess what, most of it does not contain iodine.

Yes, reducing salt from your diet is probably smart, but eliminating it may not be. Research shows that a lack of dietary iodine may lead to enlargement of the thyroid gland as well as lethargy, fatigue, weakness of the immune system, slow metabolism, autism, weight gain and possibly even mental states such as anxiety and depression.

If you have taken salt out of your diet, you may want to increase your intake of food that contains iodine, like cranberries, strawberries, yogurt, cheese, and potatoes. Eating foods rich in iodine ensures the thyroid is able to manage metabolism, detoxification, growth, and development. Medication can also be subscribed by your physician, but perhaps you could try meditation first, which will help reduce the stress that can wreak havoc on our thyroids.

As with anything, age doesn’t help matters. As you mature, your body secretes hormones that prevent you from feeling full and your muscles become less efficient at burning calories and breaking down glucose. Cool! This is the time to cut back on white foods like bread, pasta, and rice because unlike whole grains, these refined carbs trigger a large release of insulin, which stores fat. One good thing, the resveratrol found in red wine has been shown to help metabolize the sugars you eat so a glass or two may be just what the doctors ordered!

Figuring out Your BMR

Lastly, Redbook included a guide on how to figure out your personal metabolism and how much you need to cut back on “fuel” to lose weight. Again, it’s all in your BMR and here’s how to figure it out:

BMR = 655 = (4.35 x your weight in pounds) = (4.7 x your height in inches) – (4.7 x your age in years.)  Then, multiply that number by one of the numbers below, depending on your exercise routine level:

1.2 – little to no exercise

1.375 – light exercise 1-3 days a week

1.55 – moderate exercise 3-5 days a week

1.725 – hard exercise 6-7 days a week

1.9 – hard daily exercise and a physical job.

The number you get is how many calories you should eat on a daily basis to maintain your weight. If you’re hoping to lose weight, get more exercise and reduce your daily calorie count number by 10 percent.

Get healthy, get moving, and good luck!

Did you see the recent “People” magazine that had a size 22 supermodel on the cover? I did, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it. Tess Holliday is undoubtedly a gorgeous woman, as proven by this photo:

How about this one:

What about this one:

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about feeling confident in your own skin, but is 5’5” and 280 pounds really something to be proud of? Again, don’t get your size 22 panties in a wad, I’m a full-figured girl myself so “skinnier is better” is not my mantra, but do I wish I was slimmer and healthier? Heck yeah and I’d put my glass house on it that most plus-size women would too! In other words, I know of what I speak…err, write.

If you didn’t see the issue, here are the deets:  29-year-old Tess Holliday has become quite the social media and fashion star by becoming, as “People” dubbed her, “the worlds’ first size 22 supermodel.” Holliday is gorgeous and has overcome a traumatic childhood that included her mother’s death and relentless bullying so the fact that she now is a confident, self-sufficient woman is both impressive and inspiring. Along the way, she’s credited with ushering in the new “body-positive” era and motivating thousands along the way. “The whole reason I do this is to show women that you can be beautiful regardless of your size,” she told “People.” I love the idea that you shouldn’t have to be a size 2 or even a size 10 to be considered beautiful, I just worry about the health issues all this self-acceptance might create.

What about Holliday’s heart? Her knees and her back? I personally know someone who recently had lap band surgery because the weight she was carrying was wreaking havoc on her body. She was too young to be in so much pain. I don’t care how gorgeous or rich you may be, overweight is just not healthy.

Would I feel differently if Holliday wasn’t a tatted up single mother? I honestly asked myself that and the answer was “no.” I firmly believe I would have these same concerns if Holliday was a happily married Christian girl who lived across the cul-de-sac from me. And actually, the more I researched for this blog, the more I had a “you go girl” feeling about Holliday. She’s proud and she’s repping. She’s also found a man who loves her.

The fact that Holliday is a heavily-booked heavy supermodel is – excuse the pun – big news and somewhat good news considering that women who wear size 14 or larger make up 67 percent of the U.S. population. I’m the first one in line to contest the “you have to be thin to be pretty” thinking so when I see someone other than a Kardashian or size 2 celebrity on the cover of any magazine I’m thrilled. Again, I just wonder how big do we want to embrace and does having models like Holliday help the issue or just put more light on the fact that America is overweight? Again, I’m torn. What are your thoughts?

Marilyn. Lovely Marilyn. What would we think of her today? The photo above looks like a “plus size” woman to me! Amen to the many celebs I admire and respect who aren’t size 2s or size 22s. Adele. Barefoot Contessa. Candace Bergen. Kate Winslet. Octavia Spencer. Amen also though to Miranda Lambert and Jennifer Hudson for getting healthy.

Okay, now the kicker. Immediately following the lengthy article on Holliday, “People” included their “Hollywood’s 10 Hottest Bodies” photo essay. Let me just say not one of them was overweight and all of them were either shirtless or scantily clad. All were in tremendous shape and health. You can’t have it both ways “People,” and apparently neither can the rest of us.

They say when it rains it pours and boy has it been pouring. Buckets. Cats and dogs. In fact, it rained the whole time we were in Oklahoma for Kristen’s college graduation the week of May 4 and it pretty much hasn’t stopped since. In both Oklahoma and Texas. Today is May 23.

That first night in Oklahoma we were in Kristen’s bathroom with our pillows and blankets. My 84-year-old mom was a trooper as we huddled together and listened as warnings and watches were broadcast. I’ve always considered Austin’s meteorologists first-class, but I gotta say, those OKC weathermen are game changers and own the weather. I heard terms I’d never heard before: multi-vortex, the dreaded “rope” in a tornado, and power flashes.

Now we’ve lost a car to the rain and subsequent flooding. Yep, while driving in Norman earlier this week, Kristen’s car stalled in high water right on Main Street and is pretty much toast. Thankfully she is fine. She got out, Smitty drove to Norman to pick her up, I met them in Dallas after work, and turned around and brought her home safe and sound. This happened two days before she planned to drive home. Two days. When Smitty called the dealership where it was towed in Oklahoma City, he was told “that car was swimming when it got to us.” Ouch.

Seems we’re all swimming. Just as OU’s big commencement event at the stadium was cancelled because of severe weather, UT’s was cancelled today. Apparently the Red River Rivalry is alive and well albeit a bit wet.

As I write this, it’s pouring outside and there are tornado warnings. Toto, we’re not in Oklahoma anymore but there are still tornados. Needless to say I plan to go nowhere but bed tonight but poor Kristen has friends in from Oklahoma and Tennessee and I’m sure they’re thinking, “Great, more rain!” She’s thinking things I can’t include in this blog.

Having lived in both Oklahoma and Texas for many years, I’m familiar with severe weather, tornados and flash flooding but this is cray cray. What gives Mother Nature?

It all reminds me of a friend’s recent Facebook post about being in Seattle and understanding the reason for their incessant need for coffee: the gray, rainy weather. I feel their rain.

I know, I know: we need the rain. We need it desperately. Our lakes are thrilled. Our lawns are rejoicing. We are grateful in that sense.

But really. This much this often? The local weathermen are now telling us to take cover. Looks like we’re off to the bathroom again with our pillows and blankets. It’s all kinda raining on my parade.

Happy Birthday to me! As I sit here alone this rainy day, I turn to something I’ve turned to for many, many years:  Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s “Gift from the Sea.” Probably my favorite book of all time, “Gift from the Sea” was a gift from a former boss in 1988 whose inscription on it reads, “To Carla on her birthday.  Inspiration for a lovely lady with a lot of success ahead.” Under the inscription are color-coded years I have subsequently read it. I wish I knew where Lori was today so I could tell her just how inspiring her gift turned out to be.

Written by the wife of Charles Lindbergh, “Gift from the Sea” is the author’s own words on life as she refuels and recharges at her beach home. She uses the shells she finds as examples of life’s little changes and struggles. Sounds corny, but it’s anything but. Morrow Lindbergh was an amazing and complicated woman whose life was filled with yes, fame, but many challenges and hurts as well.

“Gift from the Sea” has always been one of my favorite things to give as a present to friends. I gave it to my co-worker and dear friend Karen this month and I of course gave it to Kristen for graduation in hopes that she will read it now, as she embarks on her new and exciting life, and revisit it in years to come. The book was also my Book Club’s choice this month (along with “The Aviator’s Wife,” which I also highly recommend…it’s a novel about Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s life) and as we discussed it and I said I had given it to Kristen, fellow member Jan was adamant that in due time, I give her my old, highlighted, and tattered paperback version. I’d never thought of that but was so moved by the idea.

I read the book when I first got it back in 1988 and have done so again in 1997 and 2007-2009. I opened it once again today, on my birthday, in 2015. It’s one of those books that will mean something different to you each time you read it. Your life changes and the pages inside of “Gift from the Sea” change with it.

That first time I read it I was newly married, “retired” from my TV career, and starting my new PR life. I loved my new job and was loving life. “Gift from the Sea” spoke to me in that the world was my oyster and its shell was open to all possibilities.

Turn to 1997 as I read it again as a new mom. Kristen was a mere three-years-old and suddenly that ocean felt a bit intimidating so I chose to close that oyster shell ever so slightly and take care of my little girl. It was such a wonderful life. Her preschool years brought friends into my life that I’m still close with today and although I didn’t fulfill many professional dreams, I wouldn’t do anything differently. As a former neighbor told me at the time, “You will never regret choosing to raise your daughter yourself.”  How right she was.

The next time I read the book, 2007-2009, a lot was going on in my life. We’d moved to Cedar Park; Kristen was in high school, was driving, and celebrated her “Sweet 16;” and our family was travelling to great places like Cabo and Cayman. Ironically my annual college girls’ trips included the one that really solidified our group, The Cloister in Sea Island Georgia, and Nashville. How ironic that a destination on the sea was so significant for us and that today Kristen is applying for jobs in Nashville. Life was good.  But it wasn’t perfect. What life is, right?

And just like that I find myself in 2015. Kristen just graduated from college, I’m working not in the media or PR field but in a preschool, and am officially 55. Life is still good though, albeit far from perfect. I look forward to reading the chapters on accepting, adapting, finding oneself, and enjoying alone time. My nest may be empty but I refuse to allow my life to feel empty.

As I read the first chapter of “Gift from the Sea” this morning, I dove in to her take on the channeled whelk, which she uses as a representation to find inner peace and simplify your life. Amen sista! She wonders why the snail-like creature that once called the shell her home walked away from it. She notes that simplifying means asking how little, not how much, one can get by with. She writes about how her life has been determined by her background and her childhood, which I too have been doing as I’ve spent time with multiple family members at both my nephew’s wedding and my daughter’s graduation. Morrow Lindbergh longs to remain whole, balanced, and strong. So do I. She concludes that the most exhausting thing in life is being insincere; wearing a mask socially. As we age, don’t we all discover this very thing and shed our masks? I particularly loved her ceiling cobwebs metaphor in that “they soften the hard lines of the rafters as grey hairs soften the lines on a middle-age face.” Back in 1997 that line meant nothing to me.  Today, it means the world.

All of this enveloped my every hope and dream as I read the book with raindrops falling outside and hearing the beeps on my phone from birthday well-wisher. Perhaps the line I loved most was “one should lie empty, open and choiceless as a beach – waiting for a gift from the sea.” On this birthday in 2015, I’ve come to realize what true gifts are.

I was recently watching an NBA playoff game between the Houston Rockets and the Dallas Mavericks and overheard something that caught my ear. “You’re the youngest you’ll ever be today” the announcer said about some coach who said that to some player at some time. I didn’t get all that part but I heard the quote itself loud and clear. I heard it and I loved it. I think I may have even tweeted it or Facebook statused it. I liked it that much. I am indeed, not getting any younger.

But, I also don’t want to feel old. Maybe it’s because I just returned from my alma mater for my last ever “Mom’s Weekend” with my daughter. Something about going “home” to OU makes me feel young again. Hanging out with college kids at college hang-outs can do that. So does getting together with fellow moms I went to college with and stay in touch with to this day. Seeing our daughters go to the same exact places we did many moons ago has a way of making us feel young and invincible all over again. And it’s not just me. Other moms were right there with us. Moms of my daughter’s friends and random moms I ran across, all letting their hair down and having fun. I guess you could say we partied like it was 1981.

Each Mom’s Weekend has somehow or another leant itself to a song that ends up being the “theme song” of that weekend and one of them is Fun’s “We Are Young.” Ironic or prophetic?

Who wants to get old? Not me!

But, once back in my suburban routine I catch myself acting like a woman whose best times are behind her. I write, I read, I organize, I decorate, I watch too much TV, and I piddle around the house. This is all well and good though. None of us, me included, want to be “that” mom who doesn’t act her age and thinks she’s much younger than she is. But, at the same time there’s no reason to act like a 70-year-old either. It’s a fine balance and it’s one I vow to achieve.

There’s one problem: I’m a home body. I love being home but I also love being with friends and family. Maybe I just don’t like making the plans. I’m bad at that and I’m sure my close friends would agree. Go to a movie? Call me. Take a road trip? I’ll drive. Dance in the clubs? Let me get my dancing shoes!

That’s one of my favorite quotes (and reminders!) from one of my favorite authors, Gretchen Rubin. It’s scarily true. Don’t some days just drag on but years seem to fly by? Consider it Exhibit A, B, and C for why we need to live those years with the hearts and minds of a child opening Christmas day presents or a dog coming across an open gate.

Don’t get me wrong. By “staying young” I don’t mean Botoxing and filling your face ‘til you look like a Housewife of you name the place, being a “cougar” (I even hate that term…so not clever or original), or wearing clothing that’s too tight or not age appropriate. It’s also not about living in the past or not growing up. It’s aging with dignity. It’s living life to the fullest but with taste and style.

They say laughter is the best medicine and I tend to agree.  People seem to take themselves waaay too seriously and in doing so, miss out on so many of life’s little gems. We go and go and get and get and then we find ourselves old and often alone. That’s not my idea of “the golden years” and I venture to guess it’s not yours either.

“The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.”

In researching this topic, I came across an article that began, “As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.” I thought, “That’s me.  To a tee!” Also significant to me was the advice to “Enjoy the simple things. When children are young, the simple things are all they can afford and they love them. Same with college students and retirees. Start appreciating them again, now.” Gotcha.

Yep, my life isn’t perfect but it’s my life and I want to have fun. I’ve made peace with my past and I’ve learned I don’t have to win every argument. I’m also trying not to compare my life to that of others and am realizing I really don’t like secrets.

I feel blessed to have to color my gray hairs, apply eye cream on my crow’s feet, and put essential oils on my knees and back. I’m also trying to be more positive about things. I would love to fit in a size 10 and wish I loved to exercise, but I’m also grateful for all the yummy food I’ve been blessed to eat and short walks with my dog. I will keep pushing myself to return to yoga and workouts but I will also continue to put too much creamy dressing on my salads. I’ve always said, I’m not overweight because I’ve eaten too much salad dressing!

You may have never heard of Regina Brett, but she wrote something remarkable.  At the ripe old age of 90.  The Cleveland Plain Dealer printed her “45 Lessons Life Taught Me” and it’s since become the most requested column.  Here are just some of the 45 lessons that I spoke to me:

1. Stay in touch with your family. Your job won’t take care of you when you’re sick, but they will.
2. Save for retirement beginning with your very first paycheck.
3. If a relationship has a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
4. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
5. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful, or joyful.
6. Over prepare then go with the flow.
7. Believe in miracles.
8. Your children only get one childhood. Do everything in your power to make it a good one.
9. If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d probably grab ours back.
10. Envy is a waste of time.

I also liked her advice to “burn those candles, use nice sheets, and wear good shoes. Don’t save anything for a special occasion. Every day is special.” Her words of wisdom made me think of my friend Karen who recently moved into a new home. She and her husband are empty nesters and I loved when she told me she gave all her every day dishes to her son and is going to only use her good china.  You go girl!

Great advice, right?  So are these “Several Small Ways to Stay Young:”

1. Throw out non-essential numbers, including age and weight.
2. Keep only cheerful friends in your life. Grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Take a class. Learn to paint. Never, ever let the brain get idle.
4. LOL. Literally. Laugh often, long, and loud.
5. Don’t worry about situations beyond your control. Let it go.
6. Let the tears happen and let others see you cry. Grieve but then move on.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, or hobbies. Make your home your comforting refuge.
8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it’s not, improve it.
9. Don’t take guilt trips. Go to the mall, to a foreign country, to a beach, but not ever, ever on a guilt trip.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them every chance you get.

I recently bought a shirt with a glass of wine on the front and the caption “half full.” When I saw it, it screamed “buy me Carla.” It’s as though it was telling me to take life by the horns and see it for what it is: a gift. A daily gift. That’s my goal. Live life with my cup of life half full. I want to relish in the joy of being imperfectly young at heart and if that means dancing to Miley Cyrus songs in a college bar one weekend a year, I’m in.

“Teach us to number our days and recognize how few they are Lord.  Help us to spend them as we should.” 

Ps. 90:12

Of all the many Lenten emails I received daily several really made me stop and think.  One of those instructed readers to “examine your calendar and your checkbook.  What do these tell you about the gods you serve?”  Ouch.

I pretty much live and breathe according to my calendar.  Make that calendars.  I have one in my kitchen, next to my desk, on Google, on my phone, and for work.  Sometimes I make myself crazy updating and syncing them, but in the end they actually bring me peace of mind.  I love the serenity of knowing I will not forget something because it’s on my calendar.  I’m a “write it down” kinda girl and what better place to write something down then on my calendar?

Checkbooks.  For many they are thing of the past but our household still uses one and keeps it updated religiously.  Manually.  In pencil.  I know, crazy right?

In glancing over my calendar and checkbook though, how many entries do I see devoted to God?  Naturally I don’t have to write down “go to mass” every Sunday because that’s a given.  I do write down the Sundays I volunteer as a Hospitality Minister and the monthly bible study I am blessed to be a part of though.  In the checkbook I found donation entries to our church’s weekly offertory.  But is that all?  In looking deeper, I don’t think so.

“God does not call the equipped. He equips the called.  Go serve!”

I received that message from my friend Jane one day online and I loved it.  It inspired me that day and inspired me to take a second look at my calendar and checkbook.

Does helping the Austin Dog Alliance yesterday evaluate potential therapy dogs serve God?  I like to think so.  Does teaching my preschool class the real meaning of Easter and all about Jesus count?  I certainly hope so.  What about recent donations to Easter Seals and a philanthropic run/walk?  I like to believe those entries in my checkbook are serving the will of God as well.

To me, giving my time, talents, and treasures to a bigger cause serve God whether they are on my calendar or not. I also like to think they help lead us on the path of holiness.

To be holy is to be consecrated, according to some wise notes I received at my bible study.  We are all set apart for a purpose but the challenge is to act holy.  As they say, “actions speak louder than words.”  Way louder.

So, our daily task and calendar entries should maybe be asking what our mission for the day is and to “be a saint.”  Ask yourself, “am I in a state of grace?”  “What can I do today to help others?”  “Have I prayed today?”

It’s difficult to be or do any of the above if you are filled with resentment or bitterness though.  Start by eliminating self-pride from your life and adding more humility.  It’s important to remember you are not living for yourself.  We are called to be disciples and I was surprised to learn that one of our most important tasks is to do everything we can to get our spouses and children to heaven.  Wow.  Turns out family is way more important than many of us think and spending quality time with them is holier than we think.  Family is important to me and goes much further than my husband and my daughter.  I love and pray for my mom, my sisters, my nieces and nephews, and everyone in between.  Without them, I’m so much less.

Praying to eliminate unforgiveness in your life and in your heart is also important.  We all need to give forgiveness and ask for forgiveness.  It starts with justice and surprisingly doesn’t mean you trust that person again or release them from any debt you feel owed.  It simply means you are no longer going to hold onto the pain and the lack of forgiveness that hurt you.

“Lord, help me to realize how brief my time on earth will be.  My whole lifetime is but a moment to you and all my busy rushing ends in nothing.” Ps. 39

Adding more time for praying to your daily calendar is also critical. Slow down and pray.  Talk to God.  Listen.  Wait.  I start each day by reading my “Jesus Calling” devotional and find it truly talks to me and centers me.  If we don’t take time to pray what does that say about our daily task calendar?

Another way to look at things is to ask yourself “am I firmly rooted in Jesus?”  We all want to be that tree planted by the waters from the book of Jeremiah, but in order to do so our roots must be firmly planted in God in order to bear the fruit that pleases Him.

Honoring God is both challenging and simple.  How do you honor God?  By going to church?  By studying the bible?  Those are both great things, but don’t forget to honor God by what you do.  Make the decision to honor Him in all you do today and every day because you are His representative on earth.  Make Him proud.  Make Him smile.  Now that’s something to put on your calendar!