Beyond Words

“Don’t be anxious about tomorrow.  God will take care of your tomorrow.  Live one day at a time.”  Matthew 6:34

I just recently returned from a wonderful mother-daughter trip to Hotel del Coronado nearSan Diego.  My husband, who has traveled for business for 30+ years, chose not to make the trip…or any trip this summer…due to his weariness of travel in general.  Who could blame him?   I may have recently blogged that “no one puts ‘websites I want to visit’ on their Bucket List,” but I have also seen first-hand what a big, fat hassle air travel is…even leisure travel.

My daughter and I had a very early (6 a.m.) flight, which meant a 4 a.m. wake-up and a very dark 40 minute drive to the airport.  From there, we had to park our car; climb on board a shuttle bus, and enter what we thought would be a somewhat empty and quiet terminal at the time of day.  No such luck.  The airline counter line wrapped around several stanchions and the security line was equally long and winding.  What?  Why so many travelers so early in the morning?  Crazy, right?

As are most flights, ours was completely full and not a non-stop flight.  We had a layover at LAX but didn’t see one movie star and were surrounded by seemingly very unhappy people.  Who could blame them?  The gate area seating was aligned so socially miserable and awkward that travelers had no choice but to stare vacantly into space, the back of someone’s head, or tap away on their smart phones.  Whoever designed the rows of chairs lined up like desks in a classroom and facing the gate check-in counter must seriously fret conversation and comfort.  There was no talking.  No people watching.  No fun!

From there we flew toSan Diegoon a plane with propellers.  We arrived at the commuter section of the otherwise very large international airport, which proved to be a blessing in disguise.  Used to exiting a plane, looking for baggage claim and ground transportation signage, and climbing onto a shuttle or an escalator, we walked straight from our entrance gate to outside!  Again, what?  The airport was so small we actually walked right past the sole baggage claim belt!  What a pleasant surprise and what a trip back in time.

I remember, as a little girl, going to the airport with my mom and sisters to pick up my dad.  We would watch the planes land and be there at the gate to give him a big welcome home hug.  Those days are long gone but shows like ABC’s “Pan Am” continue to give us a taste of what travel used to be like and what it use to be:  a true luxury.  I adore that show and sometimes still slip and call a flight attendant a stewardess and long for the days when blankets on planes were free.  I love to travel, but if I have a choice between driving 6-8 hours or flying, I’ll often opt for the road trip.  No shuttles, no flight delays, no missed connections, no lost baggage. 

Yes, air travel is stressful and frustrating but I still strongly believe that travel is one of very few things you spend money on that makes your richer.  Hmmmm…where should I go next?

She Wrote the Book

I recently read the book “Cruising Attitude” by flight attendant Heather Poole.  As she notes throughout the tell-all book, being a flight attendant is not just a job, it’s a lifestyle.  In fact, according to her (and I agree!), her life is just “plane crazy!”  Here are some of the more interesting tid-bits I gathered from it:

• If you want to get the whole can of an on-board drink, ask for a Diet Coke.  For some reason the fizz in Diet Cokes takes forever to dissipate and since flight attendants are usually rushed to serve a packed cabin, they will often just give you the whole can.

• If you like to take sleep aides for a flight, only do so after take-off.  If your flight is delayed or cancelled, you will need to be awake!

• Count exactly how many rows are between your seat and the exit row, as it might be dark during an emergency.

• The back of plane is bumpier than front

Random notes I found interesting and hope you do too:

• Pooleloves her job and takes it seriously, and stresses that passengers aren’t getting bad service, they’re getting “limited service” based on the reduced tools flight crews are given.

• A flight attendant’s pay clock doesn’t start until the aircraft door is shut and plane backs away from gate.  This means flight attendants saying “hello” as you board aren’t getting paid yet!  Keep in mind that delays affect them as much as they affect us…maybe more so! 

• Crew naps on long flights are based on seniority.

• Poolesays the NY-Miami and NY-Vail routes are the ones nearly all flight attendants dread the most.

• Everyone thinks the benefits of flying free are to be envied, and they are, butPoolereminds us that “Buddy Passes” not free, are good on a standby basis only and for coach seats on domestic flights, and forget trying to fly on weekends or holidays.

• Pilots keep photos on the underside of their caps to distinguish them from each other’s.

• AtPoole’s airline (which she never names), flight attendants are required to walk thru cabin at least once every 15 minutes

• Crew meals are not in their contracts on domestic routes.  Flight attendants have to pay for their own meals during connections and layovers.

• A flight attendant’s “base” is where trips begin and end.  Many don’t call their base city home.  They are “commuters” and often live in “crash pads” near their base, which are basically homes where many flight attendants “live” just to literally crash between trips.  Most even set up beds in dining rooms of a home and rarely see each other due to their erratic schedules.  Some commuters actually have motor homes parked along the back fence at JFK’s lot inNew York City!

• Rookie attendants are on “reserve,” which is basically stand-by for flights to work.  They never know where they’re going or even for how long so packing is difficult. Poolesays those on reserve basically have no life and one friend hers quit because she couldn’t get off reserve for her own wedding!

• Airlines still enforce dress codes for flight attendants and once they are sick, they can’t fly…even as a passenger…so they tend to not report being sick while on a route.

Many people say you can tell what kind a person someone is by how they treat their mom.  I concur, but I also think you can tell their character and level of compassion by how they treat a flight attendant.

Happy Travels everyone!

Fireworks, flags, cook-outs, and parades.  They are all part of our annual Fourth of July celebrations.  But, what exactly do we celebrate on July 4 every year besides a day off of work?  What, does it really mean to be American?

 Officially known as Independence Day, our nation commemorates the July 4, 1776 adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which ultimately gave our country sovereignty from Great Britain.  In short, that’s when the United States of America came to be.  It’s our birthday so let the parties begin!

It all started during the American Revolution when, on July 2, 1776, the Second Continental Congress voted to approve a resolution of independence declaring the United States independent from British rule. After the historical vote, Congress turned its attention to creating and adopting a “Declaration of Independence,” which was prepared by a committee headed by Thomas Jefferson.  The document was formally approved on July 4.

In addition to Jefferson, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin signed the Declaration, and in a remarkable coincidence, both Jefferson and Adams, the only signers of the Declaration of Independence to later serve as presidents of the United States, died on July 4, 1826 – the 50th anniversary of the Declaration!  Yet another founding father who became president , James Monroe died on July 4, 1831, becoming the third president in a row to die on the famous date.  And then there was Calvin Coolidge, our 30th President, who was born on July 4, 1872, and, so far, is the only president to have been born on Independence Day.

So, there’s a brief history of how America got started, but what does it mean to be an American today?  To me, it means freedom.  Freedom to pursue dreams, freedom to worship, and freedom to choose our leaders.  It also means responsibility.  The responsibility to contribute to society.  The responsibility to be decent and honest.  Sadly, as Newton Minnow once said, “we’ve gotten to the point where everybody’s got a right and nobody’s got a responsibility.”

Our nation is somewhat internally at war today, and although I am a lover of  British accents and all things royal, especially Britain’s royals, I can say I am grateful to all who fought for our independence and am proud to be an American.  The current push to make us more European and to globalize not only our commerce but our laws, frightens and concerns me.  Trade that creates domestic jobs, yes.  Treaties that place us under some sort of global rule, no. 

So, as we grill our hot dogs and watch our fireworks, let’s remember that first and foremost we celebrate our democracy and that we are truly “one nation under God.”  Let’s also keep in mind those prophetic words of Thomas Jefferson, “A democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.”  Finally, let’s not forget those who today are fighting for us around the world. 

Happy Fourth everyone.  Have fun, be safe, and stand proud!

As I sit at the Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego for a quick “girls trip” with my daughter, I think of a quote that pretty much sums it up for me right now:  “Nobody puts ‘web pages I want to visit’ on their Bucket List.”

Decoding Dress Codes

“A girl should be two things:  classy and fabulous.” CocoChanel.

Who would know better than Coco Chanel?  So, with wedding and summer travel seasons upon us, here are some Coco-style style tips regarding dress codes:

Black Tie – There is no wiggle room here.  Women should wear formal full-length or cocktail dresses and men should wear a tux.  Black or other dark colors are preferred.

Black Tie Optional/Semi-Formal – Elegant long or knee-length dresses should be a lady’s option.  If you choose to wear a short dress, be sure to pick one in rich colors and “dress it up” with special jewelry.  Men should wear either a tux or dark dress suit.

Cocktail – This is your chance to be playful yet tasteful.  Use color or sparkles to add a little “je ne sais quoi,” but be sure to keep it classy.  Dark suits for men.

Beach Formal/Business Casual – Women should wear a light and airy dress and even the right pair of sandals will work.  For men, a linen suit is perfect.

When all else fails, keep in mind “better overdressed than underdressed.”

Finally, as I always tell my daughter, casual doesn’t mean sloppy and formal doesn’t mean slutty.

 Recipes for Life

Just in the last week, two of my dearest friends and I, on two separate occasions, discussed recipes, recipe books, and recipe cards.  Leslie and I have, for years, talked about publishing a recipe book filled with interesting recipes and inspirational quotes.  Deb, who recently lost her sister to ovarian cancer, would like to work on a very special one in her honor, with proceeds going to charity.  Her idea is brilliant but one I promised I wouldn’t share with anyone.  Sorry!  It all got me thinking, though, about our culture’s current state of recipe affairs.

Many moons ago, recipes really didn’t exist.  Grandma had her mom’s “recipe” for chicken soup, but it was all in her head.  Not until sometime in the 19^th century did women begin actually writing down recipes.  Still, several of my mom’s recipes that I cherish today are written either in my sisters’ handwriting or in my own.  Even my mom’s recipes that she’s passed on from her grandma, great aunts, and mom exist only in her head.  Any recipes I do have in my mom’s distinct handwriting are true treasures to me.  I recently saw on Pinterest the idea of framing a family recipe and I love the idea!  It’s only right, as recipe cards of years gone by are really special pieces of history.  They are often splattered with sauce, frayed and torn, but are worth their weight in gold. 

Sadly, today many of us get recipes on-line or on TV.  They are not written in perfect script but rather typed in our favorite fonts.  Recipe boxes have also gone the way of recipe cards, as the 8 ½ x 11 sheets of paper we print recipes onto today don’t fit in yesterday’s little metal boxes.  Magazines also serve as popular sources for recipes today, which is both fitting and ironic at the same time, since they somewhat started the recipe card trend back in the 1930s.  All of these – the internet, television, and magazines – have in a way replaced friends and family as our sources for pumpkin pie and the perfect punch.  Today we are much more likely to rely on anonymous Google buddies for savory salmon and gluten-free recipes.  I’m as guilty as anyone, having clipped many a magazine recipe and printed many a Pinterest idea.

How to save and store this plethora of downloaded recipes is yet another dilemma facing today’s chefs.  As I mentioned before, they stopped fitting in traditional recipe boxes years ago.  Leslie has developed her own spiral notebook system, which I may try.  For now, I’m resigned to my old-fashioned sticky photo album method.  What about you?  Do you scan them, file them, or keep them all on your trusty laptop?  What works best for you? 

Finally, does anyone out there still buy good old-fashioned cookbooks anymore?  I enjoy doing so, but admit that it’s most often when I’m traveling somewhere.  I tend to buy a city or town’s local flavor cookbook and then use it almost more as kitchen décor rather than a meal how-to.  Charity cookbooks are big now, as are theme cookbooks.  You can find everything from breast cancer awareness books to tailgate cooking books.  They all have fun or pretty covers, but does anyone really use and refer to them? 

In a way, the demise of family recipe cards is a tad depressing.  They once served as kitchen-like diaries, now replaced by blogs like this one.  I am a very nostalgic person and I plan to always keep my favorite recipes both for my own convenience and in hopes that my daughter Kristen will someday want my handwritten and collected recipes.  I look forward to the day when she renames my “Mom’s Natillas” recipe with “Ama’s Natillas.” 

Recipe for a Happy Day

Into each day put equal parts of faith, hope and love.  Add heaping cups of patience, courage, hard work, kindness, rest, prayer, and one well-directed solution.  Add a quarter cup curiosity, a teaspoon of tolerance, a dash of fun, a pinch of play and a cupful of good humor.  Season to taste with the spice of life and cook on low setting.  Don’t boil!  Serve individually and generously.

“Don’t be wishing for what you don’t have, for real life and real living are not related to how rich we are.  Every man is a fool who gets rich on earth but not in heaven.”  Luke 12:15 and 12:21.

HELLO  &  GOODBYE 

Two sides of motherhood and how friends help you through them

 Sometimes to be a good mom, you have to get away from it all.

Once a year, I go on an annual “girls’ trip” with four former college buddies.  Every February the five of us gather in a different city and enjoy a few days of laughter, love, and letting go. We take turns picking the destination and the four whose turn it isn’t; fly in from four different states to where they’re told to show up.  Sometimes we haven’t seen each other since our last trip.  Next year I get to choose the destination but feel a bit under pressure being that’s it’s our “10^th anniversary” trip.  Truth be told, we could go anywhere and have the time of our lives, but I want next year to be extraordinary. 

Each trip has been memorable but, for some reason even we can’t figure out, 2009 was particularly special.  For some magical reason, that year’s outing was no different, yet at the same time, very different.  You see, before we arrived in Sea Island,Georgia, we had reached some monumental motherhood milestones during the previous year.

Barbara became a mom again, giving birth to sweet Huntley, a little bundle ofTennessee joy who joined a big sister and brother in the family.  Huntley is our group’s first baby in many years and we couldn’t get enough of Barb’s stories and photos.  Even though we were away from our husbands and kids and the responsibilities that go with them, much of what we talked about was our families.

During our time together, we shared a year’s worth of our kids’ heartbreaks and achievements.  Many hours were spent asking about Huntley.  “What’s it like having a baby in the house again?”  “How do you juggle a high school senior, a high school sophomore, and a one-year-old?”  “How are the other two with him?”  

The answer to the last question came unexpectedly while driving to a restaurant.  Barb’s daughter called her in tears.  She was worried because Huntley was upset and out of sorts.  To make matters worse, Huntley’s dad was at work and her brother was of no help.  The compassionate and seasoned mom that she is, Barbara handled it all calmly and carefully.  While she did, the rest of us turned down the 80s music we were rocking out to, listened quietly and anxiously, and were subconsciously reminded that in the end, we are all moms through and through, near or far.

Shelley, on the other hand, was experiencing a totally different side of the motherhood spectrum.  Her son was in the middle of his freshman year of college.  She was the first in our group to send a child off to college, and although it’s our goals and dreams to do so, it comes with an emotional price.

Even though he’s grown up to become the young man she hoped for and is only an hour’s drive away from their home, Shelley missed her little boy.  Born with a baby face identical to his dad’s, he was now officially in college…the very college the five of us attended and the one where our event-filled story started.  In a way, it was difficult for us accept, or maybe just to admit, this.  Blake can’t be in college because we feel we were just there! 

Now, four short years later, we as a group boast a total of 7 college-aged sons and daughters.  I’m the first empty nester but, this fall, Shelley will join me as her daughter heads off to school.  Yes, days go slow and years go fast.

Still, to me at least, we all look the same and feel the same.  Ann is forever our rock.  Christie continues to be our voice of reason and style.  Barb, she’s our “idea” person.  And Shelley is the life of our party.  Me?  I really don’t know what I am except grateful.

All of this really bubbled to the surface during those few but frenetically-prized days we spent together at The Cloister.  We laughed.  We cried.  We worried.  We re-lived treasured past memories and envisioned promising futures.  We went shopping for ourselves yet we were constantly searching for that perfect something to take home to the kids.  They are always on our minds and forever in our hearts.  We don’t stop being moms just because our kids grow up and we don’t stop being friends just because we live in different states.

Whole families benefit from happy moms and being a mom is hard work.  It’s even harder without fellow moms you connect with and respect.  You could say motherhood is our group’s new sorority.  The five of us literally look forward to next year’s trip the minute we’re boarding our planes after the conclusion of one.  Yes, it’s sometimes difficult to get away for just a few days, but it’s worth every effort just to reconnect and recharge.  While mom is gone, kids cope, dads learn, and we all grow.   As Barbara says, “happy wife, happy life.”

Ann, Barbara, Christie and Shelley make me happy.  We laugh till we cry and say things that still make us laugh years later.  They also make me confident, thankful and just plain better; all qualities you need to be a good mom.   As the saying goes:  good friends are like stars.  You don’t always see them, but you always know they’re there.  The same could be said about moms.

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you,”  John E. Southard

(Photo courtesy “Wisteria,” my favorite décor catalog) 

Thought I’d share some very basic design tips for your home today…

“Have nothing in your house that you do not believe to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” 

William Morris

“Your living room should seat at least as many as your dining room so no guest is ever left standing.” 

Designer Elaine Griffin

Have one “surprise” element in every room.

Think “big,” even bigger than you think, especially when it comes to artwork, pillows, vases & anything on your mantel.

GREAT advice from Marni Jameson!

And my personal favorite