Beyond Words

An Identity Crisis

Recent headlines regarding the government’s phone tapping of journalists’ phones and computers and the IRS revelation that it targeted political groups applying for tax-exempt status for closer scrutiny based on their names or political themes has caused many to ask themselves, “is any of my personal information safe?”   Yes and no, depending on many things, of which I’ll outline in today’s “Tuesday’s Tip” blog.

Smartphones have indeed made life easier and information more accessible, but they’ve also made us more vulnerable to someone retrieving personal information off of them, most times without us even knowing it until it’s possibly too late.   How can you protect yourself?

Phones and Other Devices

• Open pages only from reputable sources.  Four out of 10 mobile devices click on dangerous links every year.
• Password protect all of your devices.
• Androids are particularly vulnerable because their apps aren’t always vetted for malware but iPhones are identity thieves’ favorites.  Download the free “Find My iPhone” app, which allows you to remotely wipe out your date, lock your device, and possibly even track its location.  McAfee offers a similar service for Androids.
• Install antivirus and antimalware software on all your devices.
• Purchase apps only from trusted sources.

PIN Numbers

These four-digit numbers are hacker’s dreams.  If your PIN is your birth date, a year in the 1900s, or an obvious numerical sequence, the odds of it being compromised increase dramatically.

Surprisingly, 1234, 1111, and 0000 account for 20 percent of all four-digit passwords and every combination that starts with 19 ranks in the 80^th percentile of popularity.  Month/day combinations are also prevalent, as are combinations using only even numbers, like 2468.

Create passwords that include upper and lowercase letters as well as numbers and change your passwords often.

Why should you care about these statistics?  Because by using them you are automatically making your password easier to guess.  The least popular PIN seems to be 8068 because it follows no discernible pattern.

Protecting Your Identity

In 2011, more than 11 million Americans were victims of identity theft.  I can’t even imagine the horror of finding out someone out there is posing as me and has all my personal information.  Computer viruses, so-called “dumpster divers,” and old-fashioned hackers are three of the most common ways your personal information, and your personal identity, can be accessed by high-tech hoodlums.   How can you protect yourself?

• Shred all pieces of mail that include your name and address.
• Create passwords that include upper and lowercase letters as well as numbers and change your passwords often.
• Protect all your devices with anti-virus and malware software.
• Password protect all of your devices.
• Purchase or download remote “wipe” apps like those mentioned in the phone information above.
• Don’t participate in any on-line quizzes that ask information such as pet names, hometowns, mother’s maiden names, and other bits of personal info.

Scary world out there, right?  What can you do somewhat worry free?  Most experts agree that you can:

• Read your favorite online magazines, newspapers and news outlets sites.
• Access music through music players, but be sure to buy songs only from reputable and safe sites.
• Use GPS systems.

Those same experts agree, however, that you should never:

• Use mobile banking sites.
• Use free Wi-Fi in places like airports.
• Update your Facebook page remotely, especially if your page includes your birthday, hometown and other personal information, as someone can easily figure out security questions once armed with this info.

So, enjoy your latest and greatest smart phone and research away on your laptop and notebook.  Just make sure to surf smart and surf safe.

Can you ever imagine being without your smart phone or other small device like an IPad or laptop? Sounds inconceivable? How about for only 24 hours? Sounds easy enough perhaps, but according to a University of Maryland study, going one day without their smart phones was asking too much of many college students. The study, called “The World Unplugged,” asked college age students around the world to leave their cell phones behind for one day; just one day. An alarming 70 percent flat out couldn’t do it and researchers discovered that the psychological impact on those who did partake was significant. Participants reported being bored and emotionally detached from the rest of the world. Scary, right?

Are smart phones society’s latest addiction? Some would say yes, including most of the 91 percent of Americans who own a cell phone. According to author Sherry Turkle, who wrote the bestselling “Alone Together” and was recently interviewed by “CBS This Morning,” all of these devices have made us more disconnected, not more connected, and we have virtually lost the art of conversation. It doesn’t just come down to actually calling someone and talking to them though. We’ve all been annoyed by that obnoxious person in a store (or while getting a pedicure, which I recently experienced…the nerve!) talking at length on their phone and in a tone loud enough for everyone to hear. So conversing with someone is clearly not the answer. The answer is sometimes just putting your phone away! I don’t care if you’re expecting an important phone call. If you are, then maybe you shouldn’t be in Target or getting a pedicure!

I am as guilty as the next person, although I don’t pick up calls when I’m in a store or other public facility unless it’s my husband or daughter. I do, however, text a lot and check for updates on various sites. I’m an information junkie. Once a newsie, always a newsie, right? The minute I’m alone or simply idle, I reach for my phone. I email, I text, I tweet, I play Words with Friends, and I post on my beloved IPhone. Look around, everyone else is too. My husband just texted me from an airport yesterday saying “everyone is on their phone.” I was thrilled to hear he’d bought a new book at the airport, although when sitting at home watching TV, he is texting away. Considered a “skill” by many, texting now boasts its own competitions and people of all ages can now be found typing “tmrw,” whr r u,” and other abbreviations. When it comes to texting though, 18-24 year olds have us all beat. They reportedly text some 3200 texts a month!

Still, these phones aren’t only bad for us socially; they are proving detrimental physically too. Last year alone there were more than 1000 emergency room visits due to texting, not including automobile accidents. Yep, according to “Conde Nast Traveler,” staying connected and plugged in have some real health risks including:
Obesity: studies show a correlation between body weight & computer use: the more you use a computer, the more weight you are likely to gain.
Heart rates: stress levels and heart rates increase by frequent e-mail interruptions.
Posture: Slouching while checking your phone can lead to chronic back strain and permanent bad posture.
Body tension: constant computer and/or smart device use can lead to headaches, neck pain, backaches, eye strain, and even tendonitis.
Attention and accuracy: thanks to the Internet, we are faster but sloppier when it comes to attention to detail, spelling, punctuation, and proper grammar.
Memory: computer hard drives are quickly replacing our brains’ “memory” and hurting our abilities to remember things on our own, without the use of constant technological reminders.

There’s always a flip-side though, and in this matter it comes from UCLA Neuroscientist Gary Small, whose research has found human brains can sometimes actually be more active while searching the web then they are while reading a book. Small says researching on the Internet can also serve to sharpen our brains and has found significant increased brain activity when studying the elderly doing so.

Maybe it all goes back to our “primitive instinct to want to gather information and to know everything that’s going on around us,” according to Nicholas Carr, who wrote the book “What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains.” He told “CBS This Morning” that this fact, in and of itself, is a good thing but it’s become a bad thing because of the constant flow of information in today’s fast-paced, high-tech world. We just can’t seem to get enough and there’s always more out there, always. This constant demand for more, more, more and an endless stream of information are messing up our brains though according to Carr. In fact, so many distractions are “beginning to crowd out all the calmer, quieter moments when you might engage in reflection,” says Carr.

I remember talking on the phone in my house growing up…a phone that was attached to the kitchen wall. Now I’m virtually attached to my IPhone and everyone says that’s a bad thing. I also remember people saying the same thing about television, but somehow we’ve all survived what Bruce Springsteen sang about in “57 Channels and Nothin’ On.” However, when college students say they can’t give up their phone for a mere 24 hours and say that “media is my drug,” when the latest YouTube hit is a baby “pushing” on a magazine wondering why nothing is “coming up,” and when the mere thought of forgetting my phone at home makes me nervous, maybe we’re facing something more serious than too many channels and too many reality shows. Maybe we all need to face reality and admit that our so-called smart phones are making us do some pretty dumb things. Can you hear me now?

“Pick color.” I’m sure most of you are familiar with that statement, as it’s usually the first thing you hear when entering a nail salon. They are popular, and they are everywhere. Check out any strip center, mall, hotel, or spa and you’ll find a row of comfy chairs just waiting for you to sit in and get a pedicure or manicure. I was blessed with good, strong fingernails so I rarely get manicures, although I have recently the discovered the long-lasting joy of shellacked nails. I do, however, love a good pedicure. I am not alone. According to “Women’s Wear Daily,” American women spent $768 million dollars on nail polish in 2012. That’s a lot of OPI, Sally Hansen, and Esse!

I recently saw a print ad for Orly nail polish claiming its creator, Jeff Pink, also created the French manicure. It made me curious so I did some research, and yes, the famous white-tipped nails are actually American-born, not French! Who knew?!

Pink, who worked as a Hollywood make-up artist in the ‘70s, came up with the now popular style of nails because it worked well with a wide variety of stars’ wardrobes. He took the look to Paris runways and it quickly became the in-demand look of models and designers. He continues to influence the beauty industry with his innovative designs and products, as well as his color expertise, and even Kate Middleton donned a French manicure on her wedding day.

“Once I started having the movie star stylists paint the nails with a white tip and a sheer, the celebrities loved it,” he writes on his website. “I realized the most elegant, universal nail look is a natural nail look.”

Someone who might disagree with Pink, however, is Sophy Robson, whose fingernail art is in hot demand and is known for raising eyebrows and pushing boundaries. One of the first to embrace blogging, British-born Robson began posting images of her creations and was quickly embraced by the rich, the famous, and everyone in between. Her graphically-designed glossy embellishments are known to include flashy items such as zippers, animal prints, and gems. She’s also made fingernails fashion items by featuring the designer logos of Dior, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Hermes and others on her clients’ nail beds.  One of her most popular ideas, however, might be her take on Pink’s French manicure, in which she incorporated a new twist by using colorful hues instead of the standard white on the tips.

Robson considers herself an artist, albeit a nail artist, and was recently featured in London’s first ever nail-art exhibit entitled “Nailphilia.” Her work has also been prominently displayed in music videos such as Alicia Keys’ “Girl on Fire” and in ad campaigns for Tom Ford and Jimmy Choo. It was previously unknown athletes, however, that perhaps put her on the pop culture map. In 2012, Olympic athletes from all over the world donned her creations, most notably the flags of many countries. I remember admiring the little works of art, and I bet many of you do too. They, along with Gabby Douglas and Ryan Lochte, were the talk of the games.

So what is it about painted nails that have struck such a cord? It is a multi-million dollar industry that employs thousands.  Everywhere you look women are sporting different looks and lengths, and “Martinis and Manicures” nights are popular outings in small towns and big cities alike. Personally, I prefer a classic French manicure but I am loving the hot “mixed manicure” trend of painting ring finger nails a slight variation of the color worn on all other eight nails.  I’m also all about glitter nails but I’m not a big fan of another current trend:  super-long, extra-pointy nails.  If you’re on Pinterest, you know what I’m talking about. Here are just a few examples of what’s out there:

Whether long or short, simple or flamboyant, your nails make a definitive statement about who you are and what you like. If nothing else, maybe it all comes down to feeling pampered and getting groomed. The word manicure actually comes from the Latin words “manus” and “cura,” meaning “hand” and “care.” So the next time you’re asked to “pick color,” have fun and be creative. Those 10 little nails may very well make a big statement!

It’s Father’s Day! I love that we set aside a day each year to celebrate all things Mothers and all things Fathers. As many of you know, I lost my father to colon cancer my senior year of college. I was, in many ways, a “daddy’s girl,” even though my mom pretty much ran the house and enforced the rules. I am the youngest of three girls and grew up watching football with my dad. He loved his Dallas Cowboys and I loved my Denver Broncos. Somewhere along the way he convinced me those Cowboys were worth rooting for and I followed suit. My dad was a hard worker and a very proud man. To this day I don’t know how my parents afforded my out-of-state tuition at OU and I am forever grateful. My dad was not around to walk me down the aisle, but he was there, I just know it. Happy Father’s Day dad: hope you, Bapa, and Jimmy are having a nice day up in heaven!

Today the focus is on Smitty someday walking Kristen down the aisle. It’s a far off dream but one we all share. It seems like just yesterday they were holding hands on the beach like in that photo I took of the two of them in Longboat Key, Florida.

I also love the photos I take of their two hands on each of Kristen’s birthdays. Sadly, with her pre-op appointment falling on her 20th birthday this year, I forgot to take one this year. Maybe doing so on Father’s Day is an appropriate substitution.

I was lucky to have a father in my life, as is Kristen. Sadly today that is not the case for way too many. Check out these numbers:
50 percent of the babies born to mothers under the age of 30 are born out-of-wedlock
53 percent of Hispanic babies are born out-of-wedlock
70 percent of babies born to poor white women are born out-of-wedlock
75 percent of African-American babies are born out-of-wedlock

What does all this mean? It means the institution of marriage is meaning less and less to more and more people and it serves as proof that our democracy is evolving into a welfare state. Think what you want and vote how you like, but none of this can be good for any civilized society.

Even Rich Men Need God and Even the Devil Believed in God

On this Sunday; on this Father’s Day, maybe it’s time we think about bringing God back in our lives. He is the Father of all fathers and is there for all of us if we just ask. In a recent Bible Study book my group read about the rosary, a certain passage struck me:
“We face what has aptly but sadly called a generation without fathers. The absence of a fatherly presence in the life of so many makes it all the more needful that God’s fatherly goodness and care, his rich “masculine” qualities, come to play more powerfully in the lives of his children. We can learn to let God the Father fulfill the role in our lives that He fulfilled in the life of the most perfect and perfectly fulfilled human who ever walked this earth and who constantly looked to Him as Father.” (“Praying by Hand” by M. Basil Pennington.)

Enjoy your day fathers everywhere and honor the roll you play in your children’s lives and remember that a truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms even when they are empty. Happy Father’s Day!

Leader of the Packing

I’ve been hearing and reading about many of you planning and taking fun and fabulous trips this summer.  I hope it’s not too late, but I thought I’d give some packing tips for today’s “Tuesday’s Tip” blog.  Although I am notorious for over-packing, almost always check a bag, and boast a piece of luggage called “Big Momma,” I know what works and what doesn’t, even though I don’t always practice what I preach!  Enjoy and enjoy your travels!

• When packing your suitcase, I recommend rolling your clothes, rather than folding them.  This prevents creases and also allows for extra space as rolled clothing takes up less space than folded items.  Some people actually pile many items of clothes on top of each other and make one big roll.

• Those plastic shower caps that you’ve previously gotten at hotels make great shoe covers, as do plastic grocery bags.  Covering your shoes up also protects adjacent clothing from the soiled soles of those shoes.

• Place a plastic bag on top of everything once you’re done packing.  This will both protect inside items from possible moisture and can serve as a laundry bag later.

• In my carry-on bag (and yes, I always have a carry-on!) I like to put small toiletries, underwear, and a small nightgown just in case of lay-overs or if your checked bags get lost.  These are in addition to my standard carry-on fare of phone charger, jewelry, a wrap or scarf, headphones, snacks, and reading materials.

• I try to stick to a simple color scheme of black, white, gray, and khaki and throw in pops of color with scarves and jewelry.  Throwing in one brown outfit, which would require brown shoes in a case full of black items, just doesn’t make sense.

• Stick to the “3 tops for every bottoms” rule.  Bottoms (skirts, pants, etc.) tend to take up more room than tops.  I also love leggings when packing as they are way more light weight than pants, come in all lengths, and can easily go from casual to dressy with the simple change of a top, added accessories, and appropriate shoes.

• As for shoes, the general consensus is three pair:  flats, dress, and sneakers.  If necessary, take a pair of boots as well.  I never, ever conform to this rule though and instead tend to fill the entire bottom of my suitcase with shoes!

• For years I have used a jelly roll for my necklaces, but a new tip I’ve heard about is threading necklaces through straws so they don’t get tangled.   Have you tried this?  Did it work well?

• I love my hanging toiletries carrier that rolls up small.  When I get to my destination, I simply unroll it and hang it up in the bathroom.  I load it with trial sizes of everything from deodorant to lotions to anti-cling clothes spray.

• I have a favorite small item that I don’t even know the name for, but it folds out flat then snaps together to make a tray.  I use it to place my jewelry in at the end of the day, as well as room keys, money, etc.  If for some reason I don’t have it with me, I like to use one of the glasses in the hotel room for this.

Do you have any tried and true packing tips that you would like to share?  Please do!  One can never have too many ideas on how to pack better and smarter!

I saw the movie “The Internship” yesterday.  Yes, it’s your classic Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson comedy, but it also has a message:  today’s whiz kids have issues.  Without giving too much away, the movie is essentially about Vaughn and Owen’s characters, longtime successful salesmen who lose their jobs.  They end up with an internship at Google, along with many others, all of whom are 20-something “geniuses.”  These “generation next” kids know all about search engines, software, and Snapfish, but they know nothing about life.  They have pent up personal issues they don’t know how to properly deal with, they have no social skills whatsoever, and they don’t know how to have fun.  Enter Vaughn and Wilson who show them not only how to make a living, but how to make a life.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a terrifically funny film but it ceases the opportunity to emphasize that brains do not mean wise and that money does not mean happiness.

“When you stop doing things for fun, you might as well be dead,” Ernest Hemingway

So what, as a society, should do we do about this “problem?”  It seems like instead of addressing the issue, we’re perpetuating it.

I remember when my daughter was in elementary school, many of her friends had private coaches for soccer because they were for sure going to get those college scholarships and Kumon tutoring was as common as dance class and T-ball.  Surprisingly, many of those kids today are not on soccer scholarships or graduating first in their class.  Kristen, on the other hand, was an above average student who graduated from an above average public high school but is today thriving in a major, competitive university.  Turns out, she’s doing what she loves and loves what she’s doing.  She’s happy and knows how to have fun…and she’s doing great in school.  Isn’t that what we, as parents, should want for our kids?

Apparently not.   Eaves drop on a mom conversation about their school-aged kids and you’re likely to hear nothing but AP courses and advanced learning opportunities.  It’s a competitive world out there, but as Billy Nye says, “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.”  You will never be the smartest or most talented ever and neither will your child.  This coming from Bill Nye the Science Guy.  It’s not all about science though.  It’s also about people skills, communication skills, and listening skills.  These are not the kinds of things you learn by texting or Tweeting though, and it’s becoming more and more apparent that those entering today’s work force are lacking these basic human interaction abilities.  As perhaps even Bill Nye would say, it’s not rocket science.

School for most kids today is a “war of attrition, like some grisly TV game show where the weak and the kind and the quixotic and the dreamers and the gentle get dumped at the end of each year,” according to “Vanity Fair’s” A.A. Gill.  In his December 2012 essay entitled “the Parent Trap,” Gill goes on to say we have essentially “managed to take the 15 years of children’s lives that should be the most carefree, inquisitive, and memorable and fill them with a motley collection of stress and a neurotic fear of failure.”  A world of nannies, counselors, voice coaches, orthodontists at age 5, camps for everything, exam strategists, nutritionists, and speech therapists has fostered the belief in our kids that their main goal in school should not be actual learning, but getting into that university that will lead to a life worth living.  Sadly, many of those lives are not filled with joy.  As Gill writes, “nothing good ever came from peaking too early” or “scrapping happiness and settling for success.”

This does not surprise me, as a preschool teacher, who during the last year was asked to implement a new curriculum for three-year-olds that includes not only colors and shapes and numbers, but letters and their sounds, sight words, and rotating learning centers.   It probably comes as no surprise to Vicki Abeles either, whose groundbreaking documentary, “Race to Nowhere:  The Dark Side of America’s Achievement Culture,” asserts that schools are destroying our kids’ love of learning and ability to think creatively.  This, Abeles says, is resulting in a generation of kids who are depressed, disengaged, and burned-out.   Sadly, it’s those creative kids that even people like Bill Gates depends on.  ““I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it,” said the founder of Microsoft, he himself a college drop-out.

It’s also lead to a generation of deluded narcissists according to the “American Freshmen Survey,” that reported college students are more likely to call themselves gifted and driven to succeed even though their test scores and time spent studying are decreasing.  This happens when every kid gets a trophy, receives inflated grades to keep a school’s ranking up, and is never held accountable for their mistakes or missteps.

Psychologist Jean Twenge authored the study and goes on to say social media like Facebook is also partly to blame.  On Facebook, people can fool themselves into thinking they have hundreds or thousands of “friends,” can delete any unflattering comments about themselves, can “block” anyone who disagrees with their views, and can choose to only post flattering photos of themselves.   Twitter is the same, on which people live under the assumption they are worth “following,” much like the celebrities they follow.   On computer games, these same youngsters can pretend they are Formula 1 drivers, Olympians, or rock stars.  They live in an unreal world full of inflated realities and mindless reality shows.  Dr. Keith Ablow calls all of these the “psychological drugs of the 21^st Century.”  Scary, right?

Dr. Ablow, in his FoxNews.com article, goes on to report that today’s “young people are higher on drugs than ever, drunker than ever, smoking more, tattooed more, pierced more, and having more and more sex earlier and earlier and raising babies before they can do it well all because it makes them feel special.”  In short, they’re doing “anything to distract themselves from the fact that they feel empty inside and unworthy.”  Ouch.

What would all those voice coaches and math tutors think about their “gifted and talented” kids from years back?   More importantly, what must their parents be thinking?   In our haste to make our kids successful, maybe we’re subconsciously pushing our personal dreams on them, but as Dan Zadra says, “The best example you can leave your kids is an example of how to live a full and meaningful life.”

Striving for progress rather than perfection, and focusing more on the doing rather than on the getting it done are good starts, but wanting what you’re doing is just as essential.  It’s been said that motivation is not enough because if you have an idiot and you motivate him, all you have is a motivated idiot.

In “The Internship,” it’s mentioned that on the list of “worst things ever” is waking up with regret.  I’m guessing the movie meant waking up tomorrow, but for many of today’s kids and parents, the waking up is quite possibly happening a little too late.