To me, nothing is as golden as loyalty. I pride myself on being loyal, sometimes even to a fault. As much as I treasure and admire loyalty, I equally cannot stand sneaky or lying, what I consider the fragile foundations for the falling of many a relationship. If you can’t be honest and trustworthy, you don’t deserve my trust and loyalty.
I just recently read that Conde Nast Traveler magazine named my hometown of Santa Fe, NM the seventh best in its “Top 25 Cities in the World” rankings. Really? That is just amazing to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love Santa Fe and my mom still lives in the house I grew up in, but to see the town listed next to world cities like Kyoto, Paris, Victoria, and Seville takes even this home girl some getting used to!
I still think of Santa Fe as a small ski town with a lot of art and great chile. Sadly, that hasn’t been the case since Ralph Lauren debuted his “Santa Fe look” in the 1980s. Since then the Woolworth became a mini mall, my favorite shoe store became a gallery, and there are probably more Californians who call Santa Fe home than true Santa Feans. It’s all good for the economy I guess, but a lot of what made “The City Different” different is now wrapped in a disposable bag and overnighted to places unknown. Yes, Santa Fe still has gorgeous mountains and architecture and the food and culture there is unmatched, but a top city in the world? Especially considering that its population of around 50,000 is so much smaller than other popular destinations, all I can say is, Wow!
Coincidently, another list Santa Fe just recently made was that of Travel+Leisure magazine’s “America’s Snobbiest Cities” list. Ranked according to barometers like a reputation for being aloof, smarty-pants residents, high-end shopping, and highbrow cultural offerings, here are the cities T+L says have their noses in the air the highest:
Amazingly, Charleston was the only other U.S. city on the “Top 25” world cities I mentioned above. What gives? All the cities listed with the highest snob factor are also cities people love to visit and love to live in. Does this mean we like snobs? I think not!
The only reason I can think of why Santa Fe made the list of having its nose in the air is its 7,000 feet altitude…or maybe it’s just the Californians. Although I will admit that every time I go home people do seem less friendly and less happy. It’s a change I don’t like seeing in what will always be one of my favorite places on earth.
What are your favorite cities? Why do you like them? What cities are on your bucket list?
I just spent enjoyed a weekend with my daughter and some of her friends from college. I was struck by how strong my Kristen is and what a confident woman she’s grown up to be. She is soooo much more sure of herself then I was at her age and it makes me both proud and happy.
As I always tell the little three-year-old girls in my class, “use your girl muscles,” but being “strong” has many facets. Let’s all strive to be both strong women and women of strength.
A Strong Woman vs. a Woman of Strength
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape,
but a woman of strength also kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.
A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything,
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fears.
A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her,
but a woman of strength also gives the best of herself to everyone.
A strong woman makes mistakes and works hard at not repeating them,
but a woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them.
A strong woman walks sure footedly,
but a woman of strength also knows God will catch her when she falls.
“Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven,” Henry Ward Beecher
It’s the end to another week in my preschool class and the week was a good one. I just love all my little buddies and cherish all the things that come out of their mouths…well most of the things! Just this year one little girl quietly said to herself “Boomer, that’s a good name for a dog,” as we talked about my dog during Learning Circle. A few years ago a darling little boy nonchalantly told a classmate who was complaining about a tummy ache that she probably just needed to poop because it always worked for him! They are so honest and so unfiltered. Sometimes what they say is funny or slightly skewed, but they simply tell the truth and you can’t argue with the truth. Just try. I dare you.
“Great Truths From Small Children”
When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If someone hits you, don’t hit back. They always catch the second person.
It’s hard to unlearn a bad word.
A pencil without an eraser might as well be a pen.
Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.
Twelve is a lot older than eight.
Don’t expect your friends to be as excited about your 100 as you are.
Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
You can’t start over just because you’re losing.
It’s easier to act like a princess when you’re dressed like one.
You can’t be everyone’s best friend.
A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.
All libraries smell the same.
If you really want someone to listen, whisper.
Don’t say “last one’s a rotten egg” unless you’re sure there’s a slow kid behind you.
Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
You can’t trust a dog to watch your food.
Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath after eating a Tic Tac.
You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don’t wear polka dot panties under white shorts.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize a cat.
Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
My husband. Sometimes he aggravates me beyond words, sometimes he impresses me beyond belief, and sometimes he actually makes me laugh. This morning he did all of the above.
He walked in our room as I was watching “CBS Sunday Morning” and asked me, “Do you what today is?” I solemnly answered “the day after the Sooners embarrassed themselves, me, and the entire state of Oklahoma on national TV?” (Yes, I am still bitter!) Instantly sensing that I was in no mood for riddles and games, he tried to make me feel better by saying something about maybe not being so angry about the Sooners losing but instead being happy about the pouring rain outside. What???? Are you kidding me?????? I’d rather live in a drought the rest of my life than ever lose to Texas you dumb Yankee!
Oooops…let go of the anger Carla and go to your happy place.
Incredibly, what I thought was such a ridiculous attempt at making me feel better actually did because it made me laugh…out loud! I felt like Carrie in the first “Sex and The City” movie when she asks her friends if she will ever laugh again and then finally does when proper and prissy Charlotte poops her pants.
“When God forgave me, I figured I better do it too.” Johnny Cash
The point of this whole story is that somehow we got to talking about forgiveness. It’s something Jesus himself taught us in “The Our Father.” “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others…” There’s also a philosophy that truly happy people do certain things different than not so happy people. One of them is learning to forgive. It’s also been said that when you forgive someone who has wronged or hurt you, you take away their power.
Smitty loves the Peace Prayer of St. Francis, as I’ve blogged about before, and he mentioned the line in it about pardoning others. He then asked me if I was aware of a major act of forgiveness that’s happening in sports today. People in Norman have had an examination of conscience and aren’t going to hang their football team from the goal posts at Owen Field? Nope. Come to find out that Scott Norwood is carrying the flag at the opening of today’s Buffalo Bill’s game. Scott who you ask and why should you care?
Stay with me. I think you’ll like this.
The Buffalo Bills have a history of not winning championships, but there they were in the 1991 Super Bowl and one field goal away from beating the New York Giants as time ran out. Scott Norwood was the Bill’s beloved and dependable field goal kicker so as he approached the 47-yarder to win it all, we, and the sports world in general, knew he would make it. He didn’t. The ball went wide right and the Giants walked away Super Bowl XXV champions. (moment of silence here.) To this day, the mere uttering of “wide right” is unthinkable in our house and amongst Bills fans everywhere. Some things are just hard to forget. And forgive.
But today, the city of Buffalo and all of its fans are ceremoniously forgiving Scott Norwood for a loss that really was the fault of the entire team, not just his. Somehow he unfairly became the scapegoat. Today he will be rightly exonerated.
Will I ever forgive my Sooners for yesterday’s tragedy? Not sure. Will I forget it? Probably. Life will go on and like all those Bills fans I will continue to support my team even when they let me down. It’s all about forgiveness and if Jesus, who’s last words were “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do,” can do it as he lost his life not just a game, so can I and so can you.
Mind Your Manners
“Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.” Arthur Schopenhauer
I could have easily just used the above quote for today’s “Think About it Thursday” blog, as its meaning is only evident once you think about what it is saying. If you are nice to someone, they melt. It’s a simple as that. But I, being a lover of words, want to expand on the thought. Of course!
Today in my class the lesson was all about manners. Yes, my kiddos are only three and four-years-old, but one is never too young to learn good manners. Many of the things we talked about effortlessly pertain to adults too: saying “please” and “thank you,” “not wearing hats at the table,” “sharing,” “not talking with food in our mouths,” and my favorite, “not interrupting mom when she’s on the phone.” Manners are a big deal at our school, so big in fact that a new afterschool offering this year is a manners class designed just for preschoolers. It’s offered right alongside the always popular gymnastics, dance, and sports options.
But, are manners dead, like many fear? Yes and no. In fact, some believe the prevailing sociology idea that every generation rebels against its parents but embraces its grandparents’ generation is somewhat coming true. Take for example the huge popularity of “Downton Abbey” and “Mad Men,” television shows centered around time-honored grace and style. It’s nice to see Generation Y making old-fashioned manners cool again.
It’s Generation Y that has, at the same time, killed off long-standing good graces by their usage and obsession with social media. It’s not necessary to shake one’s hand when you “meet” them on Twitter and E-vites sent over Facebook don’t require the same effort in RSVP’ing. Still, “netiquette” is big business and maybe that’s because when all is said and done, good manners really never go out of style. (can someone please relay this fact to Miley Cyrus?)
It wasn’t too long ago that Emily Post was the etiquette queen. Today her successors face both published and on-line competition, which is actually quite a good thing when you think about it. The issues may be different, ranging from whether it’s okay to keep your cell phone handy at dinner if your child is home sick with a baby sitter or what is proper etiquette at a gym, but the values are often the same. (Ms. Post would probably say if your child is that sick, you should stay home!)
It’s all well and good that books and websites are anything but scarce when it comes to etiquette and manners, but the teaching of them really needs to start at home. Parents must be the examples. Dads should be gentlemen so their sons grow up to be one and their daughters marry one, and moms should be ladies. Both Smitty and I fail often in these quests, but we try our hardest and continue to do so even with Kristen away in college. Ask her if written “thank you “ notes are a must, and she will roll her eyes but reply “yes!” You’ll get the same response from her if you ask her if a man should open the door. On the other hand, calling a grown-up by their first name only? Uh, no ma’am! I’m Miss Carla thank you very much. I love the fact that in the south “yes ma’am” and “no sir” are common utterings (even on Duck Dynasty!) and that respect is still given to elders.
Perhaps life in the 21st century has taken on a more casual form and we’re all becoming desensitized to the horrible swearing that is regularly expressed on TV and in music. But, there is hope. I love those like interior decorator Barrie Benson of Charlotte, North Carolina who, when asked by “Southern Living” magazine what she considers the must-have for every Southern lady and she replied, “Her manners! Before my kids step out the door I ask them if they have their manners in their pockets.”
Great advice we could all stand to abide by.
True story: a friend of mine told me she was in the grocery store and overheard a child asking his mom if he could bag some fruit. Yes, she says, but make sure it has an “O” on it. It doesn’t take a nutritionist to realize she meant “O” for organic, the only type of food many people are eating these days. If it’s not organic, then it needs to be gluten-free, free-range, farm fresh, full of probiotics and certainly none of that horrible other stuff found on grocery aisles. Suddenly we should only eat Greek yogurt and green tea has been trumped by black and white tea. It’s as though we’re living in a world of “food fright” and it’s scaring me to death!
“Health nuts feel silly one day lying in hospitals dying of nothing?” Red Foxx
Just tonight I saw a news story on the whooping cough epidemic-in-the-making in which a mom was interviewed after making sure her children were only using organic foods in a juicer. This mom, however, refuses to vaccinate her children. Instead, she’s counting on a probiotic-rich diet to prevent them from contracting certain diseases. Sadly, it’s many of those unvaccinated kids who are getting whooping cough and spreading it in schools coast-to-coast. Hmmmm…
The Organic Craze
So you want to “go organic” but get a serious case of anxiety just walking into any natural foods store? Don’t worry, there’s a lot of confusion out there, mostly about the difference between organic and natural.
According to the Mayo Clinic, “natural” and “organic” are not interchangeable. You may see “all natural” and other terms such as “cage free,” “free-range” or “hormone-free” on food labels, but don’t confuse them with the “organic.”
Organic foods must adhere to strict standards that prohibit the use of synthetic fertilizers, pesticides, antibiotics or GMOs. In addition, “organic” refers to the way farmers grow and process their products. “All natural” on the other hand, is somewhat meaningless as the FDA doesn’t regulate the claim.
So, is organic better for you and worth the high prices? Most experts agree that two groups who benefit most from organics are pregnant women and kids, but keep in mind that “organic” junk food like cookies, chips, and candy still have lots of sugar, fat, and calories, they just don’t have artificial ingredients. In addition, “organic” seafood isn’t required to meet any specific standards (most recommend eating only fish caught in the wild rather than farm-bred or farm-raised fish) and many organic labels are owned by giant corporations that also manufacture other foods. (If you want to avoid anything having to do with non-organic foods, you’re best off only buying locally grown items.)
Since organic food is often much more expensive than non-organic food, here’s a simple check list of what most experts agree you should buy organic, and what you can feel safe knowing non-organic is just fine:
Buy organic: apples, strawberries, grapes, celery, peaches, spinach, sweet bell peppers, nectarines, cucumbers, potatoes, cherry tomatoes, hot peppers, summer squash, and leafy greens like kale and collards.
Okay to buy non-organic: corn, onions, pineapples, avocadoes, cabbage, sweet peas, papayas, mangoes, asparagus, egg plant, kiwi, grapefruit, cantaloupe, sweet potatoes, and mushrooms.
But I’m Allergic to It!
So, if we are eating so much healthier, why is there such an increase in food and skin allergies?
When I started my job some 10 years ago working at my church’s preschool, allergies amongst our students were rare. Today, they are common. Some experts go so far as to call it an epidemic of food allergies. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, allergies rose in kids alone 50 percent between 1997 and 2011. In addition, 15 million adults and children in the U.S. have a food allergy and an increasing number of kids have more than one.
I find it mind boggling how many allergies little kids have…and I’m talking kids no older than five…especially because I see what those buddies are eating for lunch: mostly organic and healthy foods! But yet, we have egg allergies, peanut allergies, wheat allergies, and dairy allergies, just to name the most common.
It was once peanut and tree-nut allergies that were the biggies, nowadays it’s also gluten. Commonly referred to as Celiac Disease, which is actually a hereditary autoimmune disease and not a food allergy, gluten sensitivity resulted in a $4.2 billion market in 2012. Sadly, in some cases, “gluten free” is slapped on items that didn’t contain gluten to begin with!
So why are the allergy alarms going off? There are as many hypothesis are there are allergies, from how food is processed to an imbalance of folate in our diets. One leading theory is the fact that society is perhaps overly hygienic.
“We live in too clean an environment so our immune systems are not being exposed to and stimulated by bacteria the way they once were,” Dr. Robert Wood, chief of Pediatric Allergy and Immunology at the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, told “Family Circle” magazine. Amazing, right?
Could it be that our obsession with being germ-free is causing a backlash, and not just an increase of allergies? Federal regulators are right now actually deciding whether triclosan, the germ-killing ingredient found in 75 percent of antibacterial soaps and washes is harmful. It’s been around for more than 40 years, but recent studies have announced precautionary approaches regarding safety issues and the use of it.
Parents today are also reporting more and more skin allergies in their children. Again, many experts suspect today’s kids are growing up in such clean environments they are more sensitive to things that can trigger allergies.
Is Anything Safe?
Go to any dinner party and you’ll run into people who are all about healthy foods and healthy eating…some might even be (gasp!) vegan. If these are people who have always been health nuts, are extremely fit, don’t have an eating disorder, are not doing it just to lose weight, or are simply jumping on the organic bandwagon, I applaud them. It’s all the other Dr. Oz wannabees that are beginning to annoy me…the ones who make everyone else feel totally fat, unhealthy and just downright dumb!
Take quinoa. As recent as one year ago you probably hadn’t even heard of it. Today, it’s the hot “super food,” somewhat replacing poor little but equally difficult to pronounce endamame. But what exactly is “ke-nwa,” and is it really all that super? What about soy milk? Let’s take a look.
Although referred to as a grain, quinoa is actually a seed from a vegetable related to Swiss chard, spinach and beets. It was forever a main diet staple of the ancient Incas, and contains an amino acid called lysine, which makes it a complete protein. (The World Health Organization equates the protein levels in quinoa to the amount found in milk.) Quinoa will also give you a daily dose of vitamin B6, thiamin, niacin, potassium, and riboflavin and is a great source of copper, zinc, magnesium, and folate. It is a complex carbohydrate with low glycemic index, making it good for weight management, and since it’s not related to wheat or grain, it is gluten-free.
It’s a bit tough to cook and it’s somewhat bitter taste takes getting used to. In addition, quinoa is coated with toxic chemical called saponin so be sure to rinse it thoroughly. Finally, moderation is key, even with so-called superfoods, so it shouldn’t be eaten every day. A few times a week is said to be plenty.
Then there are all the milks: soy milk, coconut milk, skim milk, organic milk. Truth be told, a recent study found that drinking any kind of skim milk, organic or not, is your best bet. Still, many are going the soy milk route.
Soy milk is the liquid residue of cooked soybeans. However, many types of soy milk are not made with real soy beans. Fresh soy milk is best, as is whole-bean soy milk. Avoid soy milk made from soy protein or soy isolate and you should also check the label for hidden or added sugars such as “brown rice syrup” or “evaporated cane juice.” One cup of this kind of soymilk can easily wind up being 100 calories more than a cup of skim milk. Your best bet: eat endamame instead and drink skim milk.
Coconut milk is another popular drink today and is often a staple for anyone following a Paleo diet. From a nutritional perspective, it’s an excellent choice. It’s high in saturated fatty acids and medium-chain triglycerides, which are easily burned as fuel by the body. However, coconut milk often contains somewhat dangerous Bisphenol-A (BPA), guar gum, Fructose malabsorption…look them up if you’re big on coconut milk.
Let’s go back to The Paleo Diet, also popularly referred to as the caveman diet, Stone Age diet and hunter-gatherer diet, since it is based on the presumed ancient diet of wild plants and animals that cavemen ate during the Paleolithic era. It consists mainly of fish, grass-fed pasture raised meats, eggs, vegetables, fruit, fungi, roots, and nuts, and excludes grains, legumes, dairy products, potatoes, refined salt, refined sugar, and processed oils.
Whew! So much info and so much to choose from and all I really want to do is eat! I like to think of my mom as being a health nut before being a health nut was cool. She drinks whole (non-organic) milk, uses real butter, eats meats in moderation, loves breakfast, drinks hot tea, brews her coffee, and uses half-and-half in it or drinks it black. She’s always prescribed garlic for colds and her green chile will cure the worst of your aches and pains. But, she’s not a vegetarian nor does she shop at Whole Foods. Still, she is a healthy 83-year-old who enjoys a nice meal and good glass of wine. Maybe we can all learn as much from “Dr. Ama” as we can from Dr. Oz.
Sorry if this offends anyone, but I feel this way and couldn’t resist.
It’s been said that what you will probably be thinking about on your death bed is what you should be working on daily, but we all tend to get caught up in that little thing called life and forget what living is truly all about…until we are faced with that big thing called death.
Bonnie Ware is a nurse who spent several years working on relieving and preventing the suffering of patients, caring for them in the last 12 weeks of their lives.
Ware recorded her patients’ dying epiphanies in a blog called “Inspiration and Chai,” which created so much attention it prompted her to write a book titled “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”
She writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives and how the rest of us might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again,” she said.
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but all of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
Do any of these ring true with you? What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life? Maybe today is the day to forget about the regrets of the past and start living the dreams of the present and future.
Perfectly posed in the middle
Watching the Emmy’s a few nights ago, I was struck by how similarly posed almost all of the red carpet actresses were as they stood in front of photographers and fans. Its seems even the youngest and most novice of “stars” knew just how to bend their knee, tilt their head, and “smize” with their eyes. They are not alone. In fact, life today seems like one big photo op thanks to ever present cameras in our ever present smart phones.
Take a look at someone’s Facebook, Instagram, or Tumblr account and you’ll see similar poses: hand on hip, said hip to the side, and hair just so. Looking good in a photo has gone big time thanks to social media, but just because you look good in the mirror doesn’t mean you’ll look good in a photo later. And we all know how humiliating an unflattering picture can be, especially if it ends up in the wrong hands or on your timeline!
So, how does one look their best when being photographed? First of all it’s important to note there’s a difference between being photogenic and being attractive and that you don’t necessarily have to be attractive to be photogenic. Whether you’re being photographed by a famous photographer or a friend with an IPhone, here are some tried and true measures you can incorporate into your next pose:
1. Think before you dress. Almost any outing these days is photographed, so always wear something you know is flattering. Pick a top or dress with an interesting neckline and a bold color usually photographs better than black or white. However, all one color is also a good idea.
2. Once you’re dressed and you’ve arrived, refuse to ever be photographed from below, as it will make you look much heavier, and avoid being photographed sitting down if possible. If you do get caught sitting down, quickly cross your legs at your ankles before being snapped.
3. If you’re being photographed outside, avoid direct sunlight as it’s unflattering color-wise and squinting makes your jawline look bigger than it is. Late afternoon or early evening are the best times for outdoor photos.
4. If you’re being photographed in a group, try to get on the end, as it’s the most flattering spot.
5. Always remember that whatever is closest to the camera will look bigger!
Now for that all important pose:
Angle your chin slightly down and forward, even though it may feel slightly awkward.
When smiling, put your tongue on the roof of your mouth. (Really! Even Heidi Klum supposedly does this!)
Turn your body three-quarters to the camera (never head on…see photos above!)
Place one foot behind the other and bend the forward leg at the knee.
Point your toe to the camera and place your weight on your back foot.
Put your hand on your hip on the same side of the bended leg.
That’s it! Now you are red carpet ready! Say “cheese!”
Beyond Words 